HeartThatFeeds
Fixed in one determined flash
- Aug 19, 2023
- 101
I'm not sure why I continue with living, It seems stupid, I mean realistically, I have nothing to look forward to or live for. My fiancé CBTed over two months ago so I it's not like I have someone to help keep me going through all of this.
Not too long ago I felt myself praying every single night to die yet now I feel absolutely nothing. Even though I've lost everything and my life only continues to get worse as time goes on I don't feel suicidal anymore.
For years of my life I've been wanting this, to get to the point where I can finally end things, but as I feel myself so close to my final moments, I'm beginning to doubt if it's really what I want.
It's funny, I know for a fact that my life physically can't get better, that if I continued living I'd just have to fight this battle for the rest of my existence and yet I don't want to die. And honestly it pisses me off, I wish it could just be easy for me to commit to this decision but it isn't and for what reason? Maybe it's the SI kicking in? Making me regret going this far and buying SN but I'm not so sure, maybe I just got so tired of being in constant pain my body shut down all my emotions. Either way I'd prefer the pain over this, at least I could feel that.
Not too long ago I felt myself praying every single night to die yet now I feel absolutely nothing. Even though I've lost everything and my life only continues to get worse as time goes on I don't feel suicidal anymore.
For years of my life I've been wanting this, to get to the point where I can finally end things, but as I feel myself so close to my final moments, I'm beginning to doubt if it's really what I want.
It's funny, I know for a fact that my life physically can't get better, that if I continued living I'd just have to fight this battle for the rest of my existence and yet I don't want to die. And honestly it pisses me off, I wish it could just be easy for me to commit to this decision but it isn't and for what reason? Maybe it's the SI kicking in? Making me regret going this far and buying SN but I'm not so sure, maybe I just got so tired of being in constant pain my body shut down all my emotions. Either way I'd prefer the pain over this, at least I could feel that.