Why I don't recommend suicide notes

[TraumaEscapee:)]

There seems to be a variety of different methods in relation to this, texts, voice mails, scheduled emails, scheduled suicide posts, notes the list is endless.

However, if you were to leave a note I do have an idea.

So the reason why I don't recommend scheduling notes on emails for example is because anything could happen. You could create a note, schedule for it to be sent on a particular day. You could worst case scenario (and this can happen don't assume that it's unlikely) you could get locked out of your email account, you may not have set recovery options to be able to log back in. Worst case scenario and this happened to me a few days ago. My email account was actually deleted by my email provider with no warning it just happened immediately.

My point is if you change your mind, and you can't access your email account for whatever reason, that prescheduled email will still be sent to everyone and there's nothing you can do to stop that.

It's a huge risk to take, you may change your mind, you may also forget you've sent the scheduled email, you may accidentally schedule the email for the wrong date and time, meaning people find out about your plans before you CTB (if you accidentally set it to the date before you CTB by mistake).

I wouldn't risk it.

Leaving notes...... I'm not completely against this. I would however say if you are going to do this, don't leave them out in the open to be found when you've CTB or attempted to. Hide them somewhere they will eventually be found. Perhaps in-between folded clothes in your closet. Not in a bag or coat because these are usually the first things that will be looked at.

I personally won't be leaving a note. As I have said before, if my birth family with a long history of abuse and cruelty that they got away with wanted to know how I died, then it's much more simple than reading a note. They just need to stand Infront of a mirror and there's the clearest answer. They are just very manipulative nasty people who are very good at putting on an act infront of others and pretending to be someone they aren't. Isn't that classic of all abusers though?

Then there's two men, one in particular beginning with J. These people, mainly the one beginning with J have left me without answers since early September. I have bpd and other ailments which make me not knowing whether I am going to be abandoned or whats happening with my life, very agonising. Since September I have spent almost 6 weeks in a deep state of anxiety, distress and stress mainly caused by J the man who once worked with me and who I cared about so deeply. He was a surrogate father figure to me, but I met him when I fled DV was homeless and he housed me until early this year. The amount of stress this guy has put me through as someone with Asperger's and bpd by leaving me in limbo, do you honestly think I'm going to leave him a note? Hell to the no! He, plays games with me and that's it. He told me what to do in June for him to support and help me again and he lied. I believed his lies and his false promises. Do you know what it's like to go every single day not knowing whether someone is going to leave you or stay in your life (bpd fear) and being left in limbo (Asperger's anxiety). Honestly these people don't care and they aren't getting any notes from me. I hate my birth family, and I am upset with this guy. The other one beginning with P, well nothing really he hasn't actually done anything. I don't think either of them care about me though. Although, am I going to leave a note telling them all this (you were what tipped me over the edge weeks before I died, in fact you were the reason I chose to take my life but my birth family were 90% of the reason through my trauma) definitely not. These people and people like them don't need to know you killed yourself because of them.. as much as I don't like J for leaving me in limbo (he was very good to me before June where my actions caused all of this mess) as much as I am very upset with J, I love him, I would never ever want him to know any of this. I love P too. People are so ignorant though, as soon as you say you love two men, they ask whether it's romantic. I'm like dude that's so creepy what are you even on about. Can I not love people in a non romantic way? They mean a lot to me even though I mean nothing to them. In relation to the birth family oooof! I hate them from the the hair on the top of their heads to the the soles of their feet. The reason I'm upset with J is because he makes me feel like I'm not good enough, like I'm not working hard enough, he's accepted someone who lives with me to go live in his house. Imagine what that does to someone.....to so deeply want to return "home" and not be allowed to whilst someone living with them is getting the chance to. Not only am I filled with envy of this person who is now going to live my dream but I'm very hurt. I also feel guilty because the person in question is so sweet and I'm so happy for them but I'm so sad for me because I want to go home too. I just want to go back to what once was my own safe family from last year to early this year. It'll never happen J will never allow it. I just wanna go back home and I want to make amends with everyone there, I want to make J proud of me but that's never going to happen. I'm sick of being sad I don't want to talk about this anymore. I don't want to cry anymore. Things don't have to be this way. If my birth family ever want to know how I ended it all (they're not my next if kin so they won't actually find out lol) I hate them so much I actually don't want them to know I am dead which is why they're not my legal next of kin. Anyway if they ever wanted to know why I died, as I have already said, there are plenty of mirrors in home ware stores that they haven't managed to crack yet, that they can stand Infront of and the answer will be reflecting back at them. As for the family I had from last year untill I fucked up everything in June this year, I'll take the pain that I felt from September to now, Living in limbo, knowing I was lied to and promises had been broken, I'll take that pain and anguish to the grave but I'll always love them. I'm very forgiving but I think it will take me a long time to forgive J in the afterlife. I thought he would be proud of me when I got better but it was never good enough. But no I won't be leaving any notes, it'll just look like I passed in my sleep.

 

[SixNeufUn]

Thats the type of things that could happen to me. In the last months I lost my mails acces and my sibling searched for something in my room. I had tried to write a note before before I couldn't write a single word.

I felt like I needed a reason to explain my actions but more timer passes and I don't think so. I can't really say I have 'loved ones' maybe my little brother. He was very annoying and a pain in the ass but I have never felt so 'happy' to have grown up with him. And all because we lived in the same room and I am thankful for my parents for that. (Rare) or else I would have already snapped from the solitude. He was the only person I could talk to in my isolation. I don't feel like he will be sad if I ctb and wish him that. Despite having grown up in the same environment and all those shit he seems to do pretty good as has a great future and I am happy for that. (There is too the part that parents are nicer with the last kid but anyway)

I will not send him a note, neither my other siblings or parents. I don't care about them feeling guilty or relieved about my death. There is only person that shows me genuine care but too bad. I am already too far to get hold by that. I feel like I am abusing their trust and kindness while I am not really reciprocating the same feelings though I should.

I don't know whats wrong with me and why I feel that way. I have recently seen a therapist and there is so much questions without answers that I don't care anymore. At best in the end I can send a même or something funny like:

I burst into laughter because that's exactly how it went when I wrote my very first note

 

[Alabaster]

Hello. I'm wondering who your email provider was, and if they gave any reason for deleting your account. Do you think it was to do with your scheduled notes?

 

[LunarLight]

I understand your concerns, but I could not imagine leaving this world without writing a note at least for my partner. I owe them.

 

[Unspoken7612]

Wrt. scheduling an email, my personal plan is that I have written drafts, without filling in the "to" field, which I will schedule in the minutes before I take SN (planned to be at ~1am) to send at 7am. I sort of have to do this as I am also going to be sending money to friends who my family don't know, and need to explain to them that this isn't a glitch or a mistake at my end.

 

[Msvr]

I just plan to send a scheduled text message for a few hours out. I live alone and would probably only be found after my body started smelling bad enough for apartment neighbors to call.

 

[SilentSadness]

The main thing to know is that email providers have previously tracked and called the police on people who schedule suicide notes by email. Also sites hosting suicide notes have previously taken them down. It seems like it's private but it's not, they have everything, and they're desperate to be seen as heroes.

 

[TraumaEscapee:)]

The main thing to know is that email providers have previously tracked and called the police on people who schedule suicide notes by email. Also sites hosting suicide notes have previously taken them down. It seems like it's private but it's not, they have everything, and they're desperate to be seen as heroes.

Thanks for letting me know that I didn't know that about emails x

 

[Unspoken7612]

The main thing to know is that email providers have previously tracked and called the police on people who schedule suicide notes by email. Also sites hosting suicide notes have previously taken them down. It seems like it's private but it's not, they have everything, and they're desperate to be seen as heroes.

Do you have any links to relevant news stories? It seems hard to believe.

 

[HerculePoirot]

Scheduled suicide emails are basically useless, as your suicide is a clear message in itself.
Nevertheless if you have a good reason to leave explanations of your decision, never do so via common, uncrypted email services (Gmail and alike) as they may trigger preventive action to "protect" you. Use only Protonmail or similar services where nobody will access your contents.

 

[cohomology]

Personally I will be scheduling an email to my parents. Family loves and cares for me and leaving the note is a way for me to alleviate their suffering somewhat and give them closure, based on what I have researched about the experiences of family of those who left.
I am confident in my ability to set the right date when scheduling the email, though I do find the prospect of accidentally setting the wrong time or the wrong recipient scary.

Scheduled suicide emails are basically useless, as your suicide is a clear message in itself.
Nevertheless if you have a good reason to leave explanations of your decision, never do so via common, uncrypted email services (Gmail and alike) as they may trigger preventive action to "protect" you. Use only Protonmail or similar services where nobody will access your contents.

I was planning to do it through gmail. Are you sure that's a thing about the preventative actions?

 

[HerculePoirot]

Personally I will be scheduling an email to my parents. Family loves and cares for me and leaving the note is a way for me to alleviate their suffering somewhat and give them closure, based on what I have researched about the experiences of family of those who left.
I am confident in my ability to set the right date when scheduling the email, though I do find the prospect of accidentally setting the wrong time or the wrong recipient scary.

I was planning to do it through gmail. Are you sure that's a thing about the preventative actions?

Not exactly about preventive actions, but it's well known that Gmail contents are not protected at all, and are actively archived, scrutinized and analysed. Mainly for advertising purposes of course, not specifically law enforcement but who knows.. I wouldn't take the risk.

 

[RosebyAnyName]

I concluded that I wouldn't write a note of any kind either, for a similar reason. On the off-chance that something went wrong with the attempt or I change my mind, I don't want to have to worry about rescinding any notes I might have scheduled to release.

I'm even worried about not being able to reverse a scheduled message here on SS if I attempt but fail and end up in a hospital or facility, with no access to my account. At least the people here on SS would be understanding.

 

[cait_sith]

I am scared of messing up scheduled mails too and I really don't want to use them, but the thing is, if I don't leave a scheduled message to some0ne that can call some sort of authority that can open my door and pick my corpse up i will rot forever in my apartment until I become a skeleton, disturbing all neighbours with my smell as I live completely alone with no parents left or anybody else that would notice that I was gone. Sure, part of me don't care what happens with me after I'm gone, but it still is kind of shitty to stink the whole place up with my corpse.

 

[Winterreise]

I would pollute the emails with lies and non sense

 

[MeaCulpa]

I'm planning to leave a note behind, although I haven't decided on where. My planned method could (potentially) result in my body never being recovered, so I want certain people to have closure- and hopefully preventing local police from wasting resources on a missing persons report. There are also a few people in my life who can be hard on me, and I want them to know that it isn't (entirely) their fault. I don't live alone, but no one goes in my bedroom. I plan to leave it in a place where someone will definitely look after they realise I'm gone, but not so soon that it interferes with my plans.
I actually debated mailing handwritten letters at one point, but it seems too risky. In the same vein, I also considered different notes for different people, but I don't think I want to do that.

 

[cryone]

meh...too many what-ifs. I never failed to access my email account, especially because I have multiple forms of double verification. and if you're worried about selecting the wrong date/time just re-check. and surely, if you're anxious and it's on your mind enough, you won't forget. part of planning CTB is to be thorough and all of these will easily be avoidable.