phantomisgone
Saving my world first before theirs.
- Oct 17, 2022
- 50
Hello everyone, I just wanted to share a piece of my story and see if it will help anyone else.
I've nearly lost everything that I cared a lot for recently. My "friend", trusts in many people, my empathy for others, and my will to live.
I'm just going to share my experience.
Throughout my life, I've been betrayed by many people: strangers, parents, friends, teachers, co-workers, etc. I've had great opportunities taken from me by people who do not give a damn about me and continue to live their lives as normal. Who would use me to benefit themselves and leave me in the dirt? Who would not think twice about the person who got them there?
I was people's mirrors in the light. I constantly brought the light on them and eventually, they only saw themselves through my light. I lost myself trying to please other people. I couldn't be myself at all. It was painful for me, but I did it to make others happy.
Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore and on November 9th, I committed suicide and was actually taken out by what I did. When I was out, I felt what it feels to be free from it all. It felt weightless, the freedom caressed me, and I finally felt that peace. But I was given a choice to stay in whatever realm I was, in or to come back and fight for myself for once. I chose to come back and for a moment, that weightlessness followed me and went away.
I felt defeated and beaten when I woke up in the hospital. I let my tormentors beat me into removing myself from the world. The messed up thing is that they don't even know it. Ever since then, I wanted to change and better myself as a person and to better the world. But in order to do that, I need to make myself stronger. So I went to therapy treatments, read books, and meditate about my actions constantly.
I was doing really well up until recently. I took revenge on someone who did me wrong when I was dead.I wiped my shit on his door twice and was caught. Got arrested and now is facing possible prison time and expulsion from the school. I don't regret what I did because he did deserve it. But I know that everything is going to be alright for me in the end. I just know and believe it. When I started to believe in myself and started to respect myself more, I saw my own light and worth.
I still believe in myself because I know that I have potential in myself. My drive to continue to live and no longer kill myself is to: prove people wrong, better myself, better the world, and continue to fight.
It's going to be hard to do. Believe me, I know. But you have to put yourself in a spot where you want to change and become a better person. No one else can do it for you.
I've nearly lost everything that I cared a lot for recently. My "friend", trusts in many people, my empathy for others, and my will to live.
I'm just going to share my experience.
Throughout my life, I've been betrayed by many people: strangers, parents, friends, teachers, co-workers, etc. I've had great opportunities taken from me by people who do not give a damn about me and continue to live their lives as normal. Who would use me to benefit themselves and leave me in the dirt? Who would not think twice about the person who got them there?
I was people's mirrors in the light. I constantly brought the light on them and eventually, they only saw themselves through my light. I lost myself trying to please other people. I couldn't be myself at all. It was painful for me, but I did it to make others happy.
Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore and on November 9th, I committed suicide and was actually taken out by what I did. When I was out, I felt what it feels to be free from it all. It felt weightless, the freedom caressed me, and I finally felt that peace. But I was given a choice to stay in whatever realm I was, in or to come back and fight for myself for once. I chose to come back and for a moment, that weightlessness followed me and went away.
I felt defeated and beaten when I woke up in the hospital. I let my tormentors beat me into removing myself from the world. The messed up thing is that they don't even know it. Ever since then, I wanted to change and better myself as a person and to better the world. But in order to do that, I need to make myself stronger. So I went to therapy treatments, read books, and meditate about my actions constantly.
I was doing really well up until recently. I took revenge on someone who did me wrong when I was dead.
I still believe in myself because I know that I have potential in myself. My drive to continue to live and no longer kill myself is to: prove people wrong, better myself, better the world, and continue to fight.
It's going to be hard to do. Believe me, I know. But you have to put yourself in a spot where you want to change and become a better person. No one else can do it for you.
