nightmystery
Member
- Dec 4, 2022
- 10
Decided to share my story. Why I decided to commit suicide.
1) I don't like being with my body. I should have been born a woman. My character is feminine, my sexual fantasies are to obey, to be weaker and less than a partner. I don't want to fulfill my gender role as a man. I live in Russia, in a small town in Siberia, everything is very conservative here. I do not consider myself part of the LGBT, I do not want to try sex with men or change gender. I can never find a relationship. Women in Russia want to be protected and supported by either a handsome man or a rich man. But I myself want to be behind the girl like behind a stone wall.
2) I live in a disgusting state. It's very corrupt. A cynical schizophrenic psychopath is in power. And most people support it. He staged a war with our brothers, he built a system in which objectionable people are imprisoned and killed, he disgraced the Russians all over the world. I don't have the strength to change my life, to move to another country. In high school, I only thought about suicide, because of this I did not prepare for exams. So I didn't go to university, but to college. After an unsuccessful suicide attempt, I entered a technical specialty, although I am a humanist. I chose this because it is the only way to feed myself somehow. In a word: I am not interested in learning. I'm not talking about the quality of education. The government can't even heat the college enough, so it's pretty cold there right now. I would like to be born in another country where there is an opportunity to realize myself in the direction that you like.
The only thing I feel sorry for is my parents and sisters. They were shocked when they saw me in the hospital after I swallowed 100 tablets of amitriptyline.
1) I don't like being with my body. I should have been born a woman. My character is feminine, my sexual fantasies are to obey, to be weaker and less than a partner. I don't want to fulfill my gender role as a man. I live in Russia, in a small town in Siberia, everything is very conservative here. I do not consider myself part of the LGBT, I do not want to try sex with men or change gender. I can never find a relationship. Women in Russia want to be protected and supported by either a handsome man or a rich man. But I myself want to be behind the girl like behind a stone wall.
2) I live in a disgusting state. It's very corrupt. A cynical schizophrenic psychopath is in power. And most people support it. He staged a war with our brothers, he built a system in which objectionable people are imprisoned and killed, he disgraced the Russians all over the world. I don't have the strength to change my life, to move to another country. In high school, I only thought about suicide, because of this I did not prepare for exams. So I didn't go to university, but to college. After an unsuccessful suicide attempt, I entered a technical specialty, although I am a humanist. I chose this because it is the only way to feed myself somehow. In a word: I am not interested in learning. I'm not talking about the quality of education. The government can't even heat the college enough, so it's pretty cold there right now. I would like to be born in another country where there is an opportunity to realize myself in the direction that you like.
The only thing I feel sorry for is my parents and sisters. They were shocked when they saw me in the hospital after I swallowed 100 tablets of amitriptyline.
