Story Why I’m here

[angel_like_demon]

Hello there. Just wanted to tell my story here. I'm a nihilistic female, by the way.

I plan to ctb as soon as I get the guts. My method will (probably) be cutting and stabbing (don't know where yet, thinking stomach but just whatever would work.) I want to suffer when I die, because I love the rush of being hurt. I only have pencil sharpener blades and dull knives, but I'll probably sharpen both.

I'm on a lot, and I mean a lot, of medication. I don't know who I am anymore. I put on a mask and I'm too much of a people pleaser to show my true self. I'm a human rug and let people walk over me.

I'm bullied a lot at my school. See, I used to have scabs on my legs, and had to be forced to cover them up, and nobody shuts up about it. I'm so annoying on the outside, because I try way too hard to be funny. I'm the school's punching bag.

My future will probably be ruined because of my complete incompetence to do anything right; I suck at socializing and will destroy everyone around me because of my manipulation.

Sometimes I can't look at myself in the mirror, I screw up so bad. I ask, "why am I like this?" But god knows I don't do anything about it. I don't even try.

I had druggie parents, but now I live with my grandparents.They're good people, but they are homophobic and racist....okay, maybe they aren't the best people, but it's what I've got. I still love them. They still try real hard.

That's about it. I'll edit if needed. Sorry if it's really edgy, but self hate does that to you.

 

[muffin222]

I'm sorry life has put you in such a painful spot. I can actually relate to a lot of what you said. I understand you're just venting and not seeking advice, but stabbing/cutting are very ineffective methods to ctb...I would perhaps consider another method if I were you, as it will be very hard to overcome your body's natural survival instinct to protect itself from harm.

Best of luck to you with whatever you decide to do

 

[angel_like_demon]

I'm sorry life has put you in such a painful spot. I can actually relate to a lot of what you said. I understand you're just venting and not seeking advice, but stabbing/cutting are very ineffective methods to ctb...I would perhaps consider another method if I were you, as it will be very hard to overcome your body's natural survival instinct to protect itself from harm.

Best of luck to you with whatever you decide to do

Thanks for telling me! What would be a more effective method?

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

How old are you? You might be surprised once you're out of that school what a change of environment can do.

 

[angel_like_demon]

How old are you? You might be surprised once you're out of that school what a change of environment can do.

How old are you? You might be surprised once you're out of that school what a change of environment can do.

18, last year of high school. I'm gonna get out soon, so that's good

 

[popo]

Unrelated to your post but I like how we have the same profile pic lmao