Venting Why is there so much empathy in mainstream society and therapy for abusive parents?

[thenamingofcats]

"They tried their best."

That's what I'm often told in therapy when I talk about the ways my parents abused me, including my "dad's" sexual contact/photography of me. I was told he was simply "doing his best" and that there's something called determinism that results in people being how they are and their actions aren't their fault.

But this same mindset didn't apply to my food addiction. In that case there was no talk of determinism or how it wasn't my fault. Instead it was all about personal responsibility. (and I DO agree that my food choices are CHOICES and my responsibility).

I'm done with therapy. I will never go again and have had too many bad experiences in the 3 decades, yes 3 decades, I've been in some kind of therapy. There is no unicorn "right one." I'm done with hearing this stuff and I don't understand why there's such an abundance of empathy for bad parents.

 

[ClownWorld2023]

But this same mindset didn't apply to my food addiction. In that case there was no talk of determinism or how it wasn't my fault. Instead it was all about personal responsibility. (and I DO agree that my food choices are CHOICES and my responsibility).

For what it's worth, what you eat is also pre-determined most of the time.

What you eat influences your gut biome, and that in turn again determines what you will eat.

Things like stress and anxiety also influence your gut biome and what you will eat.
You are more likely to have sugar cravings and such if your eating habits were already sub-optimal and you are having chronic stress or anxiety.


It's definitely possible to break through that negative cycle, but depending on how severe your problems are, it might take a long time, or it might take a lot of suffering.

 

[combatcuteness]

Sounds like you've had shitty therapists. There's this trend to implement this thing called narrative therapy which says that mental illness is just a narrative people tell themselves. Their logic is that if you've had not symptoms for at least for a second then you can do the same all 365 days of the year. So many therapists will only see the patient as someone who wants to miserable. They will tell patients they can choose to be happy and encourage them to suppress years of trauma through will power alone. Unfortunately many people and therapists simply prefer this method since it avoids what they see as burden of listening and empathizing with someone. I would say try different therapists and if you start to notice you don't feel better after each session simply get a new one.
It's a shame that the people who suffered the most can't even vent about their traumas to mental health professionals. and have to ask themselves if they're crazy for wanting empathy.

 

[BruhXDDDDD]

Maybe I'm not looking in the right places, but I don't see much empatht for such people. I do agree it's funny how people vacillate between thinking in deterministic ways, then not without much reason. Determinism is everything lol My reason for acting is to make sure I'm living in a better world.