Why is this hard when it's what i want

[Karlala]

Why am I so scared to just do it. I've been wanting to just end it for 34 days now and cant seem to move forward I'm paralyzed with fear. I've tried to od now three times ,I've tried to hang myself but stopped myself before I blacked out . I cry daily and know I cant handle the things that are coming or might have come . I have been alone this entire time but still I'm here . I'm home alone now with a belt around my neck tears in my eyes but dieing this way is so scary I want it to be easy but it's not. I'm not happy anymore and everything I love is destroyed . My family the one I dont have anymore is all I think about daily. Why is god keeping me here . Why did he take them away from me why is he allowing me to suffer this again. As days go by I feel weaker and weaker it would be so easy to just do right now. I have nothing left I wrote the letter and places it on my bed cleaned my apartment now I'm just sitting here. Crying wanting to just end it. No one will know until I'm found it would be over every little pain and fear would be over. I'm a coward to say the least I'm going to drink a little maybe that will help doing this sober is not easy at all but why. I haven't seen my fiance or daughter our anniversary was a few days ago. I hate this feeling of disparity and loneliness and dont want to see another day. But cant seem to move I'm stuck and dont understand why I cant push forward with my plan

 

[Justanotherconsumer]

I think hanging may be easy if your artery's are close to the surface in your neck, some people are lucky like that. Od is statistically not a good way, if and when I do try again it will be by sn. Tried compression by wratchet strap never lost consciousness.

 

[deathwish]

It's easy to say you'll end it. It's hard to end it.


Survival instinct.. Maybe it's wrong to call it a bitch when many people want to live and Idk if that want is wrong, but for those who don't want to lie, well then it's a bitch for them. Don't fault yourself. It's human nature you're fighting against and it's very very hard.

You are settled? You want to die, you're ready? You can beat that instinct and do this thing for yourself, I believe in you.

just one tiny whisper because i don't know you very well; rather than only instinct to battle, if you are not fully ready, if you have any doubts- more than it being an opportune time, surely it must be a time where you have no questions or bemusing regrets- then that could hold you back too and maybe there's more to do while alive. sorry if saying that is redundant, if you've thought it well already, if you know you're ready.

It's easy to say you'll end it. It's hard to end it.

 

[shattered dreams]

My take is you are subconsciously using methods that will not work because you really do not want to die. What you really want is your family back. Deep down, you still have that tiny bit of hope left that is preventing you from completing the act. Take a deep breath and relax. I am going through a severe struggle right now myself, so I can relate. Take care my friend.

 

[Luke]

The explanation is that the survival instinct can't be affected by will. It's the same part of the brain that controls breathing, heart rate, intestines, etc your basic bodily functions. You obviously can't just turn it off. It doesn't mean absolutely anything. It has nothing to do with courage, it's a misconception.

This makes it difficult for all of us. Those who are in agony, left behind by the system that forces them to suffer in endless torture, those who made a logical decision for the greater good, the reason and determination doesn't matter.

We're animals.

The key is finding a way to suppress this basic instinct and then you can proceed. How to suppress it? That would be the million dollar question.

It's not you it's the part of the brain that cannot be controlled by logic.

 

[Vvoiid]

The explanation is that the survival instinct can't be affected by will. It's the same part of the brain that controls breathing, heart rate, intestines, etc your basic bodily functions. You obviously can't just turn it off. It doesn't mean absolutely anything. It has nothing to do with courage, it's a misconception.

This makes it difficult for all of us. Those who are in agony, left behind by the system that forces them to suffer in endless torture, those who made a logical decision for the greater good, the reason and determination doesn't matter.

We're animals.

The key is finding a way to suppress this basic instinct and then you can proceed. How to suppress it? That would be the million dollar question.

It's not you it's the part of the brain that cannot be controlled by logic.

This. Exactly this! Thank you. Finally someone got it.