Help Why is this so hard?

[Lanternlight]

I just want to end it all now?
I am sick of thinking about it.
I don't have money to buy N or whatever it is called, nor do I know where to buy it from anyway!
I am sick of researching cheap ways eg over the counter drugs like paracetamol and Tylenol where apparently you end up possibly with liver malfunction etc etc.
Anti freeze and stuff like that sounds like a horrible painful ending too - if it works?
Omg this is so hard! Why is it so hard?
I wish I could cry but I cannot!
I feel like a dead person walking!
Where have I gone? Where has that lovely person gone?
I am a shell of myself and have ruined my life and that of my children!
I don't deserve to be alive at all!
I fricking wish I knew how to get out of this hell hole???
Is this venting or help - I don't know.

 

[leaps]

I feel the same, I know this isn't much but you're not alone in this

 

[Lanternlight]

Thank you for responding

 

[NoChoice]

The forum can be overwhelming, because so many methods are introduced and fully explained (and even sometimes over explained) when really all you need is one, which depending on how you do it can be sloppy and makeshift if you're lucky. It seems people are concerned about success rates which is quite smart, to not further damage yourself and fail an attempt.. but don't let this further stress you, this is information that is here to help. Also, I can relate to being a dead person walking, I mean this in a literal sense. I will send you a message if you care to respond and have a chat. Good luck.

 

[Lanternlight]

The forum can be overwhelming, because so many methods are introduced and fully explained (and even sometimes over explained) when really all you need is one, which depending on how you do it can be sloppy and makeshift if you're lucky. It seems people are concerned about success rates which is quite smart, to not further damage yourself and fail an attempt.. but don't let this further stress you, this is information that is here to help. Also, I can relate to being a dead person walking, I mean this in a literal sense. I will send you a message if you care to respond and have a chat. Good luck.

Yes a message would be great. Thank you :)

 

[Retched]

I just want to end it all now?
I am sick of thinking about it.
I don't have money to buy N or whatever it is called, nor do I know where to buy it from anyway!
I am sick of researching cheap ways eg over the counter drugs like paracetamol and Tylenol where apparently you end up possibly with liver malfunction etc etc.
Anti freeze and stuff like that sounds like a horrible painful ending too - if it works?
Omg this is so hard! Why is it so hard?
I wish I could cry but I cannot!
I feel like a dead person walking!
Where have I gone? Where has that lovely person gone?
I am a shell of myself and have ruined my life and that of my children!
I don't deserve to be alive at all!
I fricking wish I knew how to get out of this hell hole???
Is this venting or help - I don't know.

I don't know how to get out of the hell hole either, and many of your words could easily be mine, especially of ruin and being a shell. Just know you are not alone.

 

[nooo2]

I agree with you, all of this is over whelming. I was thinking about trying SN but it seems too complicated.

 

[ThinkingAboutThis]

I know the feeling @Lanternlight, I am really sorry you are feeling so terrible. Truly am.

 

[VoloFataliDoce]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It can be very overwhelming, especially when you aren't in the best place mentally. I think we all know the feeling.

 

[SeekingSolace]

I hope you find comfort. I wish it was easier too. You're not alone.

 

[Buddyluv19]

@Lanternlight - I'm so sorry you're in pain.

 

[goxua]

@Lanternlight I've messaged you. Please know I will be here for you, if you should ever need it. I'm gonna leave you contact details and we can chat or talk whenever so even if the site's down, you can reach me.

 

[odette]

I know, it's so frustrating and you just want to be done with it. :-(

Do you want to tell us more about this lovely person that you miss being?

 

[bigj75]

Hanging or sn seem the easiest

 

[Psilo]

Hanging or sn seem the easiest

I don't get it guys in what way is hanging easy? I mean setting everything up and breaking your neck ok if your lucky enough, but phycologically speaking it fucks your brain up.
Poisonning has less that effect.

 

[bigj75]

I don't get it guys in what way is hanging easy? I mean setting everything up and breaking your neck ok if your lucky enough, but phycologically speaking it fucks your brain up.
Poisonning has less that effect.

True. Guns mess my mind up the most

 

[311]

Hanging or sn seem the easiest

a gun is the easiest. Shotgun in the mouth is the most painless method there is, however, that doesnt mean its peaceful. Maybe if you were drunk and high on opiates.