Venting Why love is a source of suffering in the world

[Darkover]

Love is often idealized as something purely good, but in reality, it can be a significant source of suffering. Here's why:

1. Attachment Leads to Pain

Love creates deep attachments to people, pets, places, and things. When those attachments are broken—through death, betrayal, distance, or change—it causes immense suffering. The stronger the love, the deeper the pain of loss.

2. Unreciprocated or Conditional Love

Many people suffer because the love they give isn't returned in the same way. Parents may claim to love their children but still neglect or harm them. Romantic love can be one-sided or turn toxic. Friendships can fade despite deep emotional bonds. Love isn't always mutual or fair, leading to heartbreak and disillusionment.

3. Love Can Be Manipulative or Controlling

People use love to justify harm. Parents may control their children "for their own good." Partners may stay in abusive relationships because they "love" the abuser or believe the abuser loves them. Love can be twisted into obligation, guilt, or a means of control rather than a source of care.

4. Love Creates Fear

When you love something or someone, you fear losing them. This can lead to constant anxiety, possessiveness, or an inability to let go, even when something is unhealthy. The fear of loss can be as painful as loss itself.

5. Love Doesn't Prevent Suffering

Even when people love you, they can still allow you to suffer—or even be the cause of your suffering. Parents who claim to love their children may fail to protect them from harm. A romantic partner may still hurt you emotionally. Love doesn't guarantee kindness, protection, or relief from suffering.

6. Love Is Used to Justify Existence

Many argue that love makes life worth living, but this ignores the immense suffering that love also causes. Love is often presented as a reason to keep going, even for people in unbearable pain, which can trap them in a life they don't want.

7. Love Creates Unrealistic Expectations

Society romanticizes love, making people believe it should be perfect and fulfilling. When love fails to meet these expectations, people feel empty, betrayed, or unworthy. The idea that love should "fix everything" often leads to disappointment and suffering.

In short, love is double-edged. It can bring joy, but it also creates deep pain, loss, and control. In a world where suffering is already inescapable, love often amplifies it rather than lessens it.

 

[Forever Sleep]

All true. I guess though, it's still about personal experience. There will still be people who've say- loved and lost who will still be grateful for the experience. Even grateful for life itself. My God parents were like that. They were such a lovely couple. I felt sure one wouldn't survive without the other but, they did. Obviously they mourned them but, they still seemed to value life and the love they lost.

So, while I think it's fair to point out the pitfalls of love. While it's also fair to personally reject it because of the risks that come with it, I don't think it's right to dismiss it as a reason for anyone to live. Some people still maintain they find value in it- no matter the bad experiences or risk.

Personally though- a number of my experiences have been bad so, I'm distrusting of it. Or rather, I'm distrusting of people. The emotion can be great but, people can be unreliable. Plus, I'm pretty ok alone so, the risks don't seem worth the effort. A bit like life really!

I think it's a fair stance to take personally but not one to try to get everyone to accept as fact because it's about emotions ultimately. We can't tell people how or how not to feel.

 

[Pluto]

 

[derekWest]

Love is the first reason that keep me on earth (and the fear to fail my CTB also...). I fear to mourn my family, friend, workmate because of me.

 

[OptingOutSmiling]

Sadly, and almost ironically, all true. If only it could be simple, pure and uncomplicated. Then the world would've been a better place.

 

[tiredash]

i dont get what is you want to say. yes, love hurts, but you left out the part where not being loved also hurts. there is no alternative or choice.

if you are one of the few people who are immune to this then you are in business.

 

[Darkover]

i dont get what is you want to say. yes, love hurts, but you left out the part where not being loved also hurts. there is no alternative or choice.

if you are one of the few people who are immune to this then you are in business.

The idea that love brought you into a world full of suffering must feel like a deep contradiction. The love your parents claim to have for you, which should have been a foundation for care and support, instead seems to have led to neglect and pain, creating a stark contrast between the ideal of love and what you've actually experienced.

 

[CatLvr]

I would suffer my fate a thousand times over to feel the love and affection my children and my pets have blessed me with.

 

[releasefrompain]

This post reminds me of this Zizek snippet I came across last week. I hate to say it, but I agree with both. Before suffering this much I never would have agreed with this.

 

[divinemistress36]

I agree thats why It makes me sad when people on here say they want to ctb over romantic love. I believe most romantic love is conditional and temporary. Its quite rare couples stay madly in love with each other for the rest of their lives. I think we were all fed lies that our perfect soulmate is out there waiting for us. Parents loving their children is more unconditional love but still I see few parents who do everything they can to make their kids have the best life especially those with mental illnesses. I believe if a parent really love their kids they will do anything for them. Ive never loved anyone except for my dogs so Im pretty cynical

 

[Jarni]

Yes,but all other things are much less interesting