Will i ever be accepted?

[meetapple]

I think I was on the wrong track very early on in my life. For as long as I can remember I struggled with fitting in.

Does anyone get the feeling that some traits shown early in life become hardwired into our brain? If I wasn't accepted from then until now (at 49 years old) what are the chances I will ever be accepted?

 

[edu0z]

I think I was on the wrong track very early on in my life. For as long as I can remember I struggled with fitting in.

Does anyone get the feeling that some traits shown early in life become hardwired into our brain? If I wasn't accepted from then until now (at 49 years old) what are the chances I will ever be accepted?

It is impossible to fit in at all, for the simple reason that it is something that does not depend on you. It's like you want to make it rain, for now no one can control that. When you focus on "I want others to accept me," the problem is that you're giving power to someone else. And you could be the most incredible and handsome human being on the planet, but that other person, out of envy or whatever, could simply say: "I'm sorry you don't fit in, I don't accept you in the group"... with friends the good thing is that you don't have to worry about being accepted, because they already do.

 

[MiserableInCT]

I think I was on the wrong track very early on in my life. For as long as I can remember I struggled with fitting in.

Does anyone get the feeling that some traits shown early in life become hardwired into our brain? If I wasn't accepted from then until now (at 49 years old) what are the chances I will ever be accepted?

My childhood was awkward at times, but not life-threateningly bad. Then when I was 18 I traversed time-space and nothing has been right since then. Thirty-six years of trying to "fix" things, or "start over" or "find a new way of being" or "get over the past". Nothing worked. My life has just morphed from one horrible to another decade after decade. I have decided that there is no plausible, or logical or emotional reason to believe that anything is going to change. I have no reason to believe that anything I do will make the future better, or different. Three decades of struggling and overcoming without success have lead me to giving up trying anymore.

Certainly patterns are hard-wired into our synapses. Certainly the world around is what we project onto it from our minds. Nothing we see with our eyes is real. Just a illusion we walk through. But it is a very convincing illusion!

What are the chances that five years from now you will find yourself surrounded by dozens of adoring, loving, comforting friends? People who write books say that choice is yours. I no longer have the courage to try and find out.

 

[timf]

Eve4n before WWII the educational industrial complex was attempting to produce a uniform homogenized product (people). TV and movies have also attempted to portray people and society as uniform in attitudes and values. People who grow up in an environment where they assume they are the same as everybody else can be disappointed to discover that a 50% divorce rate might indicate that people have deeper differences not readily discernible and are not really "fitting in".

One might surmise that society is really a superficial group delusion and that we are all really still idiosyncratic. If one is unable to join in the group delusion or is stuck seeing things as they really are, swimming in the surface waters of a group think might not be possible and even if it were, it might not provide any satisfaction.

The same clarity of vision that makes "fitting in" difficult is often the same characteristic that allows one to see others who might also be on the fringe and with whom connections might be made.

 

[GentleJerk]

Being accepted, while nice in theory, is overrated imo. Some of those whom I look up to most in my life, are people who do not 'fit in' and are not widely accepted.

 

[Sherri]

In my case I don't bother to be accepted i bother if I will bother to accept someone.

 

[whatevs]

Will I ever accept myself?
Will I ever accept how life seems to be?

 

[jesse]

Yes. Harder to adapt the more time that passes.
I don't know why anyone would argue that being accepted is overrated. It clearly isn't. Being accepted and loved is amazing.

I highly doubt I'll ever "find my people". I'm a weirdo who barely functions. I wouldn't want to put up with me, so why would anyone else?
The best time of my life was when I pretended to be someone else and felt some acceptance, even if it wasn't for my real self.

 

[meetapple]

Yes. Harder to adapt the more time that passes.
I don't know why anyone would argue that being accepted is overrated. It clearly isn't. Being accepted and loved is amazing.

I highly doubt I'll ever "find my people". I'm a weirdo who barely functions. I wouldn't want to put up with me, so why would anyone else?
The best time of my life was when I pretended to be someone else and felt some acceptance, even if it wasn't for my real self.

As I have mentioned before social rejection is processed in the mind like physical pain and is associated with poor health.