willitpass
Don’t try to offer me help, I’ve tried everything
- Mar 10, 2020
- 2,945
After 8 weeks inpatient I finally made it to residential a few days ago. My last chance at recovery. I decided I would start a thread here to chronicle my time here.
It's the weekend so I haven't had much real programming yet. I met my therapist but haven't had a session yet. I did have my intake with my psychiatrist and it went okay. I told him about the dizziness and passing out since starting the med and he still wasn't wanting to take me off of it. It isn't even helping so I'm frustrated that I've been telling the doctors about the dizziness and passing out for weeks now and no one is doing anything about it. It's a very interfering side effect for no benefit. I did just do a group where I was able to finally verbalize something that I've been aware of but struggling to find the words for: I have all of the coping skills and awareness of what's happening, but I don't have any self worth. If I don't have a desire to feel good, if I want to feel bad, if I don't believe I deserve peace and happiness, then no matter how many coping skills I know and how many groups I go to, no matter how much therapy I get, it won't matter if I hate myself. If I believe I deserve suffering then I will not get better. I just don't know how to care about myself.
It's the weekend so I haven't had much real programming yet. I met my therapist but haven't had a session yet. I did have my intake with my psychiatrist and it went okay. I told him about the dizziness and passing out since starting the med and he still wasn't wanting to take me off of it. It isn't even helping so I'm frustrated that I've been telling the doctors about the dizziness and passing out for weeks now and no one is doing anything about it. It's a very interfering side effect for no benefit. I did just do a group where I was able to finally verbalize something that I've been aware of but struggling to find the words for: I have all of the coping skills and awareness of what's happening, but I don't have any self worth. If I don't have a desire to feel good, if I want to feel bad, if I don't believe I deserve peace and happiness, then no matter how many coping skills I know and how many groups I go to, no matter how much therapy I get, it won't matter if I hate myself. If I believe I deserve suffering then I will not get better. I just don't know how to care about myself.
