-nobodyknows-
Mage
- Jun 16, 2024
- 503
I wonder how other people see me. When I look at photographs of myself, or see myself in the mirror, there seems to be something off about me. I can't put my finger on exactly what it is.
It makes me wonder if other people can pick up that there is something wrong. Part of me wants them to know, so that they know to stay away from me. I think some people just assume I'm shy, without realizing just how deep the rabbit hole goes. So they try to be friendly, and I get caught up in their friendliness because I am so happy that someone wants to be around me. But when I start to get comfortable after a couple of months, and they realize just how bad it is… I feel so bad for it all.
I need some way to shine vividly like a poison dart frog. I need people to know "that one is a risk to be around". I think it would be lonely for a while. But maybe then, I could find someone who was okay with me because they would already know what they were getting in to. And it wouldn't be as hard because people who could not handle my sadness would not try to connect with me.
If only there was a world where someone like me would not cause others pain. If only they could recognize that I am trying so hard to be better. If only I could shine like the warm sun, instead of being a black hole that consumes all the joy inside of those who come into contact with me.
I know how much it must hurt you to hear about my pain. I desperately hate having to do that. But I want to show you exactly what I am because I want you to save me. Is that really so hard to understand?
I will soon go to watch the leaves fall. I will probably have to do it by myself, because I have no one. But when the flowers begin to bloom… I hope I am not alone any longer.
As everything falls, and I collapse in on myself, I cannot help but wonder how many more days I will have to endure before everything ends. One way or another, it will. Because now as I look out across a cold, darkening sky I stare into the vast black and feel it consume me. It is a fate that I have come to accept.
I think the worst thing is knowing that others have accepted it too. Realizing that nothing can be done, and leaving me to the cold, unending black.
Can't you be a little bit more stubborn?
It makes me wonder if other people can pick up that there is something wrong. Part of me wants them to know, so that they know to stay away from me. I think some people just assume I'm shy, without realizing just how deep the rabbit hole goes. So they try to be friendly, and I get caught up in their friendliness because I am so happy that someone wants to be around me. But when I start to get comfortable after a couple of months, and they realize just how bad it is… I feel so bad for it all.
I need some way to shine vividly like a poison dart frog. I need people to know "that one is a risk to be around". I think it would be lonely for a while. But maybe then, I could find someone who was okay with me because they would already know what they were getting in to. And it wouldn't be as hard because people who could not handle my sadness would not try to connect with me.
If only there was a world where someone like me would not cause others pain. If only they could recognize that I am trying so hard to be better. If only I could shine like the warm sun, instead of being a black hole that consumes all the joy inside of those who come into contact with me.
I know how much it must hurt you to hear about my pain. I desperately hate having to do that. But I want to show you exactly what I am because I want you to save me. Is that really so hard to understand?
I will soon go to watch the leaves fall. I will probably have to do it by myself, because I have no one. But when the flowers begin to bloom… I hope I am not alone any longer.
As everything falls, and I collapse in on myself, I cannot help but wonder how many more days I will have to endure before everything ends. One way or another, it will. Because now as I look out across a cold, darkening sky I stare into the vast black and feel it consume me. It is a fate that I have come to accept.
I think the worst thing is knowing that others have accepted it too. Realizing that nothing can be done, and leaving me to the cold, unending black.
Can't you be a little bit more stubborn?
