Worried a about failure and brain damage

[dudebl]

I've posted here before my preferred method is going to be a 289cc generator dying by carbon monoxide.

I've done endless research, had grok do endless calculations on the time to reach dangerous levels of CO in a one car garage and time to death - and although I don't entirely like the numbers - 30+ minutes until chance of unconsciousness, I'm still going to try - again.

My biggest fear is that something happens, engine dies or something and then I'm left with brain damage - furthering my suffering.

Idk what I want out of this post because no one can give me anything - it's the chance we take - but why can't dying have some way of being a guarantee, why must we choose to either suffer alive endlessly or gamble hoping to win the lottery of death and not lose to being even more miserable.

 

[paranoidpeasant]

Yeah, it's scary, you roll the dice...

I failed a ctb attempt and it's made everything so much harder. I've got some brain damage, now, and people are shocked by my new lack of memory, because I still look the same and I don't want to explain what's going on...

I, also, don't know why I'm posting. But I do get it. I googled lethality rates and they are shockingly low... (Not for CM, just in general, all methods lumped together).

Love it or hate it, we're like cockroaches... We can survive damn near anything...

Once upon a time, I totally believed life was fragile... Goodness.

 

[strawberry931]

I'm also trying to go this way except burning charcoal in my car. You said you're going to try again? What happened to you the last time and how did you do it?

I also failed the first time. I used too little charcoal, but I was very close to the threshold. I was unconscious in less than 120 seconds. I was in the car for 7 hours and did not wake up until 36 hours later in the hospital. I was told when I arrived my blood level was 30%. This likely means that before the charcoal burned out I might have peaked around 60 to 70% The doctors told my mom that they didn't know if i would survive. This was only about a month ago and I didn't get any brain damage that I am aware of yet. I am planning to do it again with 4x the charcoal plus over 60 bitter apricot seeds ground up and put into gelatin capsules. Passing out to quickly and taking benzos might have made me survive. Basically my body was in a state where it didn't need as much oxygen with slow breathing and heart rate.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand, I find it so terrifying how trying to cease existing can go wrong and lead to way worse suffering and torture, all I want is to be gone, I just hope and wish to never suffer ever again, I see so much cruelty in how the option to cease existing in peace that is guaranteed is denied with the suffering and torture of existing seen as to force and prolong no matter what, I hope you find the relief you search for.

 

[dudebl]

I'm also trying to go this way except burning charcoal in my car. You said you're going to try again? What happened to you the last time and how did you do it?

I also failed the first time. I used too little charcoal, but I was very close to the threshold. I was unconscious in less than 120 seconds. I was in the car for 7 hours and did not wake up until 36 hours later in the hospital. I was told when I arrived my blood level was 30%. This likely means that before the charcoal burned out I might have peaked around 60 to 70% The doctors told my mom that they didn't know if i would survive. This was only about a month ago and I didn't get any brain damage that I am aware of yet. I am planning to do it again with 4x the charcoal plus over 60 bitter apricot seeds ground up and put into gelatin capsules. Passing out to quickly and taking benzos might have made me survive. Basically my body was in a state where it didn't need as much oxygen with slow breathing and heart rate.

The first time I tried I couldn't bear the eyes burning and throat hurting from other exhaust gases, this time I plan to try to find sealed eye protection but as for the throat I'll just try to bear it.

I don't have the tools or ability to do charcoal - neighbors too close and nosey. The generator in garage will be muffled and you hear gas engines running all the time anyway around here so it doesn't raise suspicion.

I just want out of this life, I cry everyday as to what my life has become - I've been unemployed 3 years after leaving a six figure job due to burnout, I live with my mom, 36 - no job prospects that pay enough to survive. I am so trapped, nowhere to turn, thinking of dying brings peace to all my worries, but then the fear of the act itself and failing creep in - damned if I do damned if I don't.

 

[strawberry931]

The first time I tried I couldn't bear the eyes burning and throat hurting from other exhaust gases, this time I plan to try to find sealed eye protection but as for the throat I'll just try to bear it.

I don't have the tools or ability to do charcoal - neighbors too close and nosey. The generator in garage will be muffled and you hear gas engines running all the time anyway around here so it doesn't raise suspicion.

I just want out of this life, I cry everyday as to what my life has become - I've been unemployed 3 years after leaving a six figure job due to burnout, I live with my mom, 36 - no job prospects that pay enough to survive. I am so trapped, nowhere to turn, thinking of dying brings peace to all my worries, but then the fear of the act itself and failing creep in - damned if I do damned if I don't.

I feel you pain and can relate. I have a small number of days left. Maybe today.