Venting you were given orders, you were given time - a lecture from a parent

[lamy's sacred sleep]

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You were given orders, you were given time. You were given more leeway than most...

today exactly this scene played out between my father and I. I found it ironic in the moment considering I had made this thread:

take so much, yet give so little - 08/04/25

i You were given orders, you were given time. You were given more leeway than most... I keep trying to change, to grow. I give myself time, i give myself orders. I waste it all. I make promises to myself, then break them. I really want to give up. Maybe listening to "it gets better" is wrong...

sanctioned-suicide.net

I really really really really want to ctb out of spite. As a big fuck you. I think that's fine as long as it's not my primary reason.
I'm kinda done fighting for pretty much everyone in my life. I'm tired and it's time to go.
This isn't a goodbye thread btw.

Depression and suicide cradle you. They tell you that you don't need to be good enough because it won't matter after you pass that cartridge through your brain, after you suck that SN, after you finally hit the pavement.

And in life… You have to fight your own uncertainty. Something doesn't go right? Fuck you. You better do something about it!! You better stand up and FIGHT for yourself. Doesn't matter if you're tired. Do you want to ruin your life?

It's frustrating to be recovering when quite a bit of you wishes not to.
For me suicide is comforting, after all nothing matters when you're dead.
So during recovery not only was I fighting the sweet whispers of suicide, I was also fighting against life. So to be told that I'm not recovering fast enough is a little bit of a slap in the face.

 

[LittleMagician]

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You were given orders, you were given time. You were given more leeway than most...

today exactly this scene played out between my father and I. I found it ironic in the moment considering I had made this thread:

take so much, yet give so little - 08/04/25

i You were given orders, you were given time. You were given more leeway than most... I keep trying to change, to grow. I give myself time, i give myself orders. I waste it all. I make promises to myself, then break them. I really want to give up. Maybe listening to "it gets better" is wrong...

sanctioned-suicide.net

I really really really really want to ctb out of spite. As a big fuck you. I think that's fine as long as it's not my primary reason.
I'm kinda done fighting for pretty much everyone in my life. I'm tired and it's time to go.
This isn't a goodbye thread btw.



It's frustrating to be recovering when quite a bit of you wishes not to.
For me suicide is comforting, after all nothing matters when you're dead.
So during recovery not only was I fighting the sweet whispers of suicide, I was also fighting against life. So to be told that I'm not recovering fast enough is a little bit of a slap in the face.

Invincible is such a good fucking show

 

[timechained]

Time is a pain - we perceive it fast in "good" times and excruciatingly slow in "bad" times. Also recovery is a personal journey of sporadically falling and rising.

Nothing matters when your happy as well. You sound like you still have hope so just keep recovering at your pace.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've received this lecture too. The whole- it's all right or, easy for you, things were so much harder in my day... Described in graphic detail. One day I'm going to snap I feel. So- life was SO bad and SO difficult for you... and yet you still decided to bring children here. Why? So I could suffer too? That doesn't make sense! Or, did you think all the world's problems had been ironed out and you could somehow protect me from bereavement, bullying, financial woes, pain? Why on earth would you think you could do that? Maybe our parents think they can imbue us with enough resilience to survive and thrive through it all. I wonder if that's even possible in some cases. My parents weren't even all that bad- comparatively.