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Dwellinglifeless

Member
Nov 28, 2018
51
As I wander the earth. It kind of hits me in a way that This will very easily be my last holiday season and new year. It's weird constantly being around smiling faces and laughter when your soul is lost in chaos. How would they though. That is what makes it feel real this time...I am not confiding in others, I am no longer searching for solutions...I feel my exit is impending.
 
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whywait

whywait

Member
Nov 11, 2018
25
As I wander the earth. It kind of hits me in a way that This will very easily be my last holiday season and new year. It's weird constantly being around smiling faces and laughter when your soul is lost in chaos. How would they though. That is what makes it feel real this time...I am not confiding in others, I am no longer searching for solutions...I feel my exit is impending.

I agree wholeheartedly. I haven't spoken a word of it to anyone this time. Finished what I hope to be my last shift today. Feels weird walking around and realizing you're having your "last" everything...
 
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Xerxes

Xerxes

Invisible
Nov 8, 2018
936
I look at all the pictures of my wife, the room, the apartment we live in, and just take it all in. I do that when I'm about on the brink of CTB.
 
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T

TiredHorse

Enlightened
Nov 1, 2018
1,819
It all feels surreal for me. I can't say it makes me happy or sad; it almost doesn't register.
 
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K

Kingkelly

Mage
Dec 3, 2018
532
Surreal is perfect word for it all.
 
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Lara Francis

Lara Francis

Enlightened
Jun 30, 2018
1,627
As I wander the earth. It kind of hits me in a way that This will very easily be my last holiday season and new year. It's weird constantly being around smiling faces and laughter when your soul is lost in chaos. How would they though. That is what makes it feel real this time...I am not confiding in others, I am no longer searching for solutions...I feel my exit is impending.
Very relatable
 
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T

TiredHorse

Enlightened
Nov 1, 2018
1,819
Just a few minutes ago had a phone conversation with one of my two remaining friends. Boats, shop projects, general blithering about life's details; nothing special. He knows I'm in bad shape, and plan to ctb, and is a good enough friend he has even offered to be the one to find my body. (Yeah, he's a really good friend.) As I was saying goodbye, I realized it might well be the last time we ever spoke.

Again, surreal.
 
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