Chuuya-Chan ⋆. 𐙚˚
Member
- Oct 8, 2024
- 56
Very much not feeling it today.
Sunrise to sunset I've been in my room and not doing anything productive except a bit of homework…
A part of me wishes I didn't have anyone around me so I could just fall a part, not having to worry about if I actually cut deep and in an area that's visible.
It's getting harder to apply self restraint. I'm forgetting how it feels to cut and I don't want to, I want to remember so badly and I feel like my sharp friend is being wasted every day I go without using it.
I still want to try though. I want to see if I can try to go a month without it…god I really should because I'm probably going to be intimate with my partner soon…
Funny how that's the only thing that's stopping me…I just don't want to put that kind of strain on our relationship…idk…I kinda want to talk to him about it now. I just hate when people worry about me because I than just want to push them away because it makes me feel pathetic.
I just want to be alone sometimes. The only person being being in a room is me, ahhhhhh
I feel all over the place :(
If I do start again though I know I won't do it on my thighs, the scars are fading and the pain there doesn't feel as good as other spots…
I just hit the 2 week mark of being clean…I almost can't believe it, it feels so far away…
Like I said, haven't done much today but be in my head…
Though just a few hours ago Cherry (my counselor) sent me a message saying she wanted to have a meeting with my mom and me and my moms counselor… idk I'm kinda anxious about it but what else could go wrong with my relationship with my mom at this point?
The only reason I said I'd do it is because I want to clear some things up…though idk…my moms probably just going to call me lazy, rude, and ungrateful in a sugar coated way…I'm going to try to stay as neutral as possible…
I just feel a bit weird that my counselor seems to want to rekindle my relationship with my mom when I was just telling her a few days ago that I gave up on the relationship?
Only time will tell. Tomorrow is gonna be a big day though, I'll talk to her about it and see her point of view.
Gonna try to chill out enough to finish another page of my comic.
Take care xxx
Sunrise to sunset I've been in my room and not doing anything productive except a bit of homework…
A part of me wishes I didn't have anyone around me so I could just fall a part, not having to worry about if I actually cut deep and in an area that's visible.
It's getting harder to apply self restraint. I'm forgetting how it feels to cut and I don't want to, I want to remember so badly and I feel like my sharp friend is being wasted every day I go without using it.
I still want to try though. I want to see if I can try to go a month without it…god I really should because I'm probably going to be intimate with my partner soon…
Funny how that's the only thing that's stopping me…I just don't want to put that kind of strain on our relationship…idk…I kinda want to talk to him about it now. I just hate when people worry about me because I than just want to push them away because it makes me feel pathetic.
I just want to be alone sometimes. The only person being being in a room is me, ahhhhhh
I feel all over the place :(
If I do start again though I know I won't do it on my thighs, the scars are fading and the pain there doesn't feel as good as other spots…
I just hit the 2 week mark of being clean…I almost can't believe it, it feels so far away…
Like I said, haven't done much today but be in my head…
Though just a few hours ago Cherry (my counselor) sent me a message saying she wanted to have a meeting with my mom and me and my moms counselor… idk I'm kinda anxious about it but what else could go wrong with my relationship with my mom at this point?
The only reason I said I'd do it is because I want to clear some things up…though idk…my moms probably just going to call me lazy, rude, and ungrateful in a sugar coated way…I'm going to try to stay as neutral as possible…
I just feel a bit weird that my counselor seems to want to rekindle my relationship with my mom when I was just telling her a few days ago that I gave up on the relationship?
Only time will tell. Tomorrow is gonna be a big day though, I'll talk to her about it and see her point of view.
Gonna try to chill out enough to finish another page of my comic.
Take care xxx
