Chuuya-Chan ⋆. 𐙚˚
Member
- Oct 8, 2024
- 56
Relapse.
I just reached two weeks being clean but today was too much and I gave in.
I had talked to my counselor and a friend earlier in the day and it postponed things…but my little sister was bakeracted for now the 6th time and I just caved at that point…
I guess I'm not as much of a motivational person as I thought.
Honestly I know I'll have to start all over again on my streak but for until I get bored I'll indulge myself…it felt so nice to put a big plaster over it all when I was done…I tried to cope earlier in the day by using red marker and plasters and it did work! I just suppose my sister being gone now and being alone made me a bit of an opportunist.
Also I SUPPOSE I still have time to change my mind again and again…but I lowkey don't want to do this meeting with my mom and counselors…I just feel it'll end badly idk
I guess I just also wanna be a bitch to make her pay for how she's treated me growing up and now but that's toxic or whatever and I have to be the bigger person.
Today definitely could have been worse, but I'd say it was bad…gonna visit my sister in the ward but don't know when she'll be released
My bf knows that I did cut, but I only mentioned it once and it was when I was trying to get better…which I still am but am delaying the process…I feel bad that I'm not even giving him an option to be there for this specific thing that I'm going through but it genuinely disgusts me to think about someone not only knowing but also worrying…
also if you read this, please don't blame yourself Lily.
You were a very good friend and DID help me! But nothing could have stopped what happened to my little sister today and I just caved.
Gonna be wearing long sleeves for a while I suppose, don't know if I cut enough to scar but I don't really care atm
Looking forward to Sunday, which will be my self care day, gonna be more alone than usual since she's gone so I'll use this time to reflect and journal more, maybe even start waking up early.
Ahhh….i missed picking scabs….
Don't know what I'm striving for, not really looking forward to the future because it all seems like bull. I don't really know what's keeping me here…except that I do t things are bad enough yet.
Very much vent, needed this. I feel exhausted but I'll be FaceTiming my beloved soon so I'll be ok
Feel free to comment, not especially looking for advice though loves
Xxx
I just reached two weeks being clean but today was too much and I gave in.
I had talked to my counselor and a friend earlier in the day and it postponed things…but my little sister was bakeracted for now the 6th time and I just caved at that point…
I guess I'm not as much of a motivational person as I thought.
Honestly I know I'll have to start all over again on my streak but for until I get bored I'll indulge myself…it felt so nice to put a big plaster over it all when I was done…I tried to cope earlier in the day by using red marker and plasters and it did work! I just suppose my sister being gone now and being alone made me a bit of an opportunist.
Also I SUPPOSE I still have time to change my mind again and again…but I lowkey don't want to do this meeting with my mom and counselors…I just feel it'll end badly idk
I guess I just also wanna be a bitch to make her pay for how she's treated me growing up and now but that's toxic or whatever and I have to be the bigger person.
Today definitely could have been worse, but I'd say it was bad…gonna visit my sister in the ward but don't know when she'll be released
My bf knows that I did cut, but I only mentioned it once and it was when I was trying to get better…which I still am but am delaying the process…I feel bad that I'm not even giving him an option to be there for this specific thing that I'm going through but it genuinely disgusts me to think about someone not only knowing but also worrying…
also if you read this, please don't blame yourself Lily.
You were a very good friend and DID help me! But nothing could have stopped what happened to my little sister today and I just caved.
Gonna be wearing long sleeves for a while I suppose, don't know if I cut enough to scar but I don't really care atm
Looking forward to Sunday, which will be my self care day, gonna be more alone than usual since she's gone so I'll use this time to reflect and journal more, maybe even start waking up early.
Ahhh….i missed picking scabs….
Don't know what I'm striving for, not really looking forward to the future because it all seems like bull. I don't really know what's keeping me here…except that I do t things are bad enough yet.
Very much vent, needed this. I feel exhausted but I'll be FaceTiming my beloved soon so I'll be ok
Feel free to comment, not especially looking for advice though loves
Xxx
