30+ peer support thread.

[platypus77]

Do we need an over 50 thread?

Honestly, I do think multiple sections would help.

Because every stage in life has it's unique challenges, it's a powerful form of connection, it unites people.

But if one thing history taught us is that segregation/tribalism creates conflict, as one group would start scapegoating each other because their different views and perceptions of the world and thus hate arises between them.

One day we'll destroy this community too, it's the very reason God has abandoned us. We failed as a species.

But hey let's enjoy this community while kindness and compassion is still around.

 

[NitrogenAfternoon]

I vote yes lol
I am 44 and I think it would be great if this thread were more active too. I know we all have different problems, but the age thing really makes me feel like even more of an outcast here. Sometimes I wonder if I should even be on this site

I am feeling this more and more every time I visit. While I am thankful for this site and the support it provides, some of these threads make me wonder if people are even old enough to be on here. And I felt these thoughts too when I was their age, I had a suicide attempt at 17 years old myself. I get it. I really do, and I feel for them just as much as everyone else on here, but I feel so displaced sometimes when I see the discussion that goes on here.

 

[Dot]

I am feeling this more and more every time I visit. While I am thankful for this site and the support it provides, some of these threads make me wonder if people are even old enough to be on here. And I felt these thoughts too when I was their age, I had a suicide attempt at 17 years old myself. I get it. I really do, and I feel for them just as much as everyone else on here, but I feel so displaced sometimes when I see the discussion that goes on here.

Fl free t/ rport n.e1 wh/ u thnk lks <18 & mds wll chck thm out

 

[JealousOfTheElderly]

At long last, somewhere to discuss how my menopause is contributing to my suicidal ideation

So much "yes"! No one understands this but us. Sending you hugs. (I'm in perimenopause... no fun at all.)

The mind - mentally we can die much earlier than we actually die physically.

Vice versa is true as well. The body can deteriorate rapidly and age muvh faster than your mind. Such is my case.

 

[grapevoid]

I just turned 36. Isn't 35 the last year where males are drastically suicidal? Did I make it?

I was hoping this was true for women too but I've recently turned 36 and it only seems to be getting worse

I think it is having a massive effect on my desire to cbt. I've started her which helped initially but not enough

I'm not in menopause but about 4 years ago (around age 31) my cycle became CRAZY and that is also when the depression really kicked in. It is exactly around my cycle too, the week before I am so depressed, I'm sure that when I ctb it'll be in that time frame. By the time it levels off a bit I can barely catch my breath before it's time again. I don't even want to think about what menopause is going to do to me, emotionally

 

[8leveloquenfrn4evr8]

Honestly, I do think multiple sections would help.

Because every stage in life has it's unique challenges, it's a powerful form of connection, it unites people.

But if one thing history taught us is that segregation/tribalism creates conflict, as one group would start scapegoating each other because their different views and perceptions of the world and thus hate arises between them.

One day we'll destroy this community too, it's the very reason God has abandoned us. We failed as a species.

But hey let's enjoy this community while kindness and compassion is still around.

Too late.

 

[dead dav]

65 here thing just ache for no reason at my age and don't get me started on the arthritis in my hands and knees on top of that depression and anxiety with ocd thrown in for good measure

 

[imOK]

I remember when I was in my twenties and all my problems felt impossible, suffocating. I understand people that age on here well because of that, because I used to feel the same way.

Thing just is, it never truly gets better, does it? It kinda just gets worse. I guess you don't stress out about it as much anymore because you kinda know how it is. I have good genes. Besides mentally, never had any major health problem my entire life. I feel young and look young but man, am I tired. 42 now and if I think, another ten or twenty years of this all I can think about is "are you kidding me?". I can't even imagine it. To be fair, never could. Yet I am here. Ten years ago, twenty years ago, somewhere, somewhen, I always had the hope that things get better. That hope disappears now. Ending it feels like a big relief. I'm disabled (because of my mental illness) and pretty much bottom rung of the society and I'm genuinely concerned how unsafe my life otherwise would be in a few years. Stepping out on my own terms and not in distress feels like the best thing I can do.

 

[Diceroller90]

I am trying to get up the will to avoid turning thirty this year. Does that count?

 

[cait_sith]

Do you also miss teenage depression. It's crazy how depression shifts and morphs over time and with age. My teen depression was fully self-fixated, like i am the only problem, now my depression has become all encompassing, but without having lifted any weight of myself, it just has added up, my depression like the katamari ball that ends up rolling up the whole universe. As a teen I used to be jealous of my peers now I see people my age with kids and I would hate to have their lives but somehow it doesn't make me feel me better about myself or my life either, it actually makes me feel worse, bc as a teen there at least were things people my age did that I wanted too, now there is nothing to want anymore.

 

[_AllCatsAreGrey_]

Do you also miss teenage depression. It's crazy how depression shifts znd morphs over time and with age. My teen depression was fully self-fixated, like i am the only problem, now my depression has become all encompassing, but without having lifted any weight of myself, it just has added up, my depression like the katamari ball that ends up rolling up the whole universe. As a teen I used to be jealous of my peers now I see people my age with kids and I would hate to have their lives but somehow it doesn't make me feel me better about myself or my life either, it actually makes me feel worse, bc as a teen there at least were things people my age did that I wanted too, now there is nothing to want anymore.

First off I love your comparison to a katamari ball taking in all of the world. In the end our depression takes in the rainbows and clouds. I relate to this feeling.

I wouldn't say I miss teenage depression, but it did seem simpler. I do have a romanticized vision of it, perhaps it's the gleam of nostalgia looking back on the past. I definitely wish my first attempt in those years was successful.

 

[imOK]

Teenage depression was more like a burn, very painful, barely able to contain it. It hurt. I had a very big problem with understanding the world around me. I was not well integrated. I was the kid that only lived online and in front of a screen before that really was a thing. I did not understand so many things, my parents were absentee, I never really had much of a chance to learn. My middle-age depression is more like a dull ache. It's not pleasant, but I don't feel like I need to ctb to escape it. It's more like an anxiety, a tinnitus maybe, getting really lost in deep thought and worrying about many things to the point that I can do nothing else. The worst thing are the secondary effects, especially the loss of focus and the memory problems that come with it. Ctb for me is more an escape of these effects and the practical, negative effect they have on living my life.

It's also where mental healthcare completely failed me personally. I do know things get better and it's in my head and I can get this medication and care and all this, but that doesn't pay my bills, you know what I mean? I have practical problems. This stuff is making it really hard to surivive on account on the sheer energy it costs to live with. I remember a few years ago in one of my depressive phases my therapist was very supportive of getting a social worker for me (it's a thing in my country) who basically takes care of the various things with government agencies and such. Almost out of reflex, I responded to her that it'll be just yet another agency I'll have paperwork with and have to write letters to and in the end maybe another person, a complete stranger which I just have to trust, who'll possibly make my life more difficult, if I am unlucky. It's funny because I basically said these things without thinking, but they are true. That's how I feel. I kinda just wanna be left alone and that also apparently not an option, so what's left?

 

[Bruce]

@imOK If you don't mind me asking what mental illness do you have? You seem fully aware and intelligent to me.

 

[imOK]

You seem fully aware and intelligent to me.

It's easy to be, in front of a screen. I have schizoid personality disorder. A big thing for me social interaction. It quite literally makes me sick. I don't inheriently dislike people, I just cannot be around them for long times. It's very exhausting for me. A big theme in this forum is loneliness. I've never felt lonely in my life. I have never had interest in having friends or a relationship, alone the thought of e.g. having a person in love with me is deeply unpleasant to me. I've never had truly an interest in anything beyond the purely intellectual. It sounds nice in theory, but in practice it is very tiring if you see people live their lives around you and you just ..don't. Because you don't truly feel anything about anything and are ambivalent about absolutely everything. I feel I lack the natural drive, a thing I describe as "the impulse" I see in other people. That inner drive that e.g. makes them write these many sad posts on this very forum when they are alone but that also drives them out to go dating or get a degree. I just don't seem to feel these things. I'm not a robot, I do feel things but I don't feel things like other people feel them. It is hard to explain.

It's very prevelant in the homeless population. I can see how that happens, it seems like the ultimate freedom but I am way too fancy a person to be able to choose that life. Otherwise, being alone is all I really want but this world just does not let me be alone.

It's a poorly understood personality disorder and it's not clear if anything helps. I'm one of the few that sought out treatment. There used to be a time where it was treated with antipsychotics. That did a lot of damage to me. It's not recommended anymore. I'm mostly still in "treatment" because it is formally necessary for disability etc. I see my therapist/psychiatrist once every few months online. Many find this very unusual but it's really all I need and I got lucky I found two very understanding people who do not try to "fix" me. There's just nothing to be said. I don't really talk to anyone otherwise except online because writing some text in a forum is very non-comitting and more of an intellectual exercise to myself. I don't have to care about the replies, after all. In a way you could say - I reply to your query for my own sake, not for yours (please don't take offense). I used to experiment with LSD on my own and I feel it helped me to understand "the human condition" better but there were clear diminishing returns and I stopped.

 

[Bruce]

It's easy to be, in front of a screen. I have schizoid personality disorder. A big thing for me social interaction. It quite literally makes me sick. I don't inheriently dislike people, I just cannot be around them for long times. It's very exhausting for me. A big theme in this forum is loneliness. I've never felt lonely in my life. I have never had interest in having friends or a relationship, alone the thought of e.g. having a person in love with me is deeply unpleasant to me. I've never had truly an interest in anything beyond the purely intellectual. It sounds nice in theory, but in practice it is very tiring if you see people live their lives around you and you just ..don't. Because you don't truly feel anything about anything and are ambivalent about absolutely everything. I feel I lack the natural drive, a thing I describe as "the impulse" I see in other people. That inner drive that e.g. makes them write these many sad posts on this very forum when they are alone but that also drives them out to go dating or get a degree. I just don't seem to feel these things. I'm not a robot, I do feel things but I don't feel things like other people feel them. It is hard to explain.

It's very prevelant in the homeless population. I can see how that happens, it seems like the ultimate freedom but I am way too fancy a person to be able to choose that life. Otherwise, being alone is all I really want but this world just does not let me be alone.

It's a poorly understood personality disorder and it's not clear if anything helps. I'm one of the few that sought out treatment. There used to be a time where it was treated with antipsychotics. That did a lot of damage to me. It's not recommended anymore. I'm mostly still in "treatment" because it is formally necessary for disability etc. I see my therapist/psychiatrist once every few months online. Many find this very unusual but it's really all I need and I got lucky I found two very understanding people who do not try to "fix" me. There's just nothing to be said. I don't really talk to anyone otherwise except online because writing some text in a forum is very non-comitting and more of an intellectual exercise to myself. I don't have to care about the replies, after all. In a way you could say - I reply to your query for my own sake, not for yours (please don't take offense). I used to experiment with LSD on my own and I feel it helped me to understand "the human condition" better but there were clear diminishing returns and I stopped.

Yeah, I'm not taking offense and I kind of understand what you mean, mostly.

For me seeing other people is not tiring but disgusting for various reasons, mostly because of their lies and the damage they create all around so I just move away, I isolate myself. Isolating myself feels pretty good though. There is nothing fake around anymore. Nature is honest.

The drive is the hunger and it is the root of all evil. Not feeling the hunger, letting it go or simply ignoring it should lead to peace. It kind of does for me.

I'm sorry about what you're going through and I'm sorry that the world does not leave you alone. I'm having difficulties in staying away as well. People are like that.

I don't think you need to be fixed though. Many people around here don't need to be. They, you, we are just different. It's like if the world decides that the color blue is bad and I like color blue then I need to be fixed. Just because you feel the need to be alone doesn't mean anything bad. I think people like us do the least damage possible. If anything they should be fixed.

Thank you for you honesty and thank you for sharing!

edit: @imOK You know I also keep feeling the need to say that I wish I could feel what you feel towards other people, I wish I could feel nothing because sometimes, sometimes I still feel the need to be with someone honest and caring like I am and I know I will never meet anyone like that. I wish I wouldn't feel anything like that but then I look at your reply and I'm thinking that maybe feeling is not a bad thing. I also I feel like you shouldn't complain and then I realize that I'm complaining and I'm thinking maybe it's a drive that we have, to constantly complain about something. I'm not saying we should never complain, I'm not saying that complaining is always bad but I think that maybe we should do it less, maybe both feeling and not feeling could be ok, maybe we should try to live with however we feel, try to find a way, try to make the most of what we have. I mean.. I try.

edit 2: Or maybe, maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm projecting. I'm sorry I don't mean to say that you're complaining for no reason, that was not my intention. I'm so bad with words. : (

 

[broken_stoic]

Can't remember if I posted in this thread before or not. Glad it exists though. I'm always a little bit wary of exactly what I say when I don't know roughly how old someone is. I don't want to dump too much of life on a teenager that is just getting started with life or assume a level of life-experience that isn't there yet. And depression/suicidality just is a different thing at different life stages.