A dear friend is bipolar, one of the biggest reasons I hesitate to CTB

[knickknack81]

Hey everybody.

So for a number of reasons, I have been struggling and having thoughts of CTB. Nothing I have seriously acted upon yet but something that I think about far too much and if things dont get better, I think the time will come for me to take this route. There are a number of things that make me hesitate any drastic actions. One of those is the effect it will have on the people around me. I dont have a ton of close friends or family but I do have a few that will be effected by this. The main one is an old girlfriend of mine who we are still super close friends. We were able to save our friendship after we broke up and are still in each others lives on good terms. The thing is, she suffers from really bad bi-polar and depression. She has been on serious medication for a number of years and goes to therapy/psych all the time to deal with her mental health issues. And I strongly believe that if I was to CTB, this would seriously hurt her. Possibly make her go off the deep end. Id hate to even picture the possibilities that could come from this. It's maybe the biggest concern I have going through with this act. Don't get me wrong, I know others would be really sad and effected by me not being around but this one is something more. Is there anyone out there who can relate to something like this? If so, how do you go about dealing with it?

Thanks!

 

[Redacted24]

It's an eternal conundrum: do what you want to do regardless of impact to others, or be there and struggle through your own trials but be able to support and protect others.

Since you're concerned for her and others, that says a lot about you as a person, doesn't it?
You're kind and considerate and caring.
All really positive traits, when you think about them.

For me, I'm holding on and trying to work through my impulsive desires to make the hurting stop for two reasons - I want to see if I can be happy once I'm out of my abusive current situation as well as because I want to be there for friends that also struggle (and if there's people I know that would be hurting if I go)

It's what holds me here, and has for the past 2+ years.

Keep being the good person you are.

 

[knickknack81]

It's an eternal conundrum: do what you want to do regardless of impact to others, or be there and struggle through your own trials but be able to support and protect others.

Since you're concerned for her and others, that says a lot about you as a person, doesn't it?
You're kind and considerate and caring.
All really positive traits, when you think about them.

For me, I'm holding on and trying to work through my impulsive desires to make the hurting stop for two reasons - I want to see if I can be happy once I'm out of my abusive current situation as well as because I want to be there for friends that also struggle (and if there's people I know that would be hurting if I go)

It's what holds me here, and has for the past 2+ years.

Keep being the good person you are.

Thank your the kind words. And yes, conundrum is the right word. I am still holding on as well as i am still hoping things will get better. We shall see where things go from here. But it is still a struggle in have with myself all too often.

 

[Redacted24]

Keep up that fight!
When I joined this site I was 100% sure (okay, that's an exaggeration. 85% sure) that I was going to go within a year.

On here I was surprised to find others that struggle too. That "get" what that means. And that feeling of not struggling alone, in the darkness, has been really reassuring to me that I'm not the only one.

I have good company in this community. The kindness and empathy is strengthening. And that's been a big help. We struggle together. Not alone.

And maybe we'll make it through another day, a little bit better. And be there for ourselves and others we care about.

Keep up that fight. I'm here with you.

 

[knickknack81]

Keep up that fight!
When I joined this site I was 100% sure (okay, that's an exaggeration. 85% sure) that I was going to go within a year.

On here I was surprised to find others that struggle too. That "get" what that means. And that feeling of not struggling alone, in the darkness, has been really reassuring to me that I'm not the only one.

I have good company in this community. The kindness and empathy is strengthening. And that's been a big help. We struggle together. Not alone.

And maybe we'll make it through another day, a little bit better. And be there for ourselves and others we care about.

Keep up that fight. I'm here with you.

:) very well said. And much appreciated in this tough time im going through.