Venting A person told me I’m immature for wanting to CTB

[AmDead]

This person is someone who plays a very big role in my life, someone I can't exactly run away from, but I hate them. She's also an intelligent "older" woman. I should also mention I'm still a teenager. Which is probably why she told me I'm immature.
She didn't know I had depression, though if it were someone other than her I'm sure they would have connected the dots and noticed I was not good. But this person had the audacity to say to my face I was acting immature when I straight up told her I wanted to kill myself because of all the stress.
She thought I was joking! Why would I joke about such a thing and even if I was joking, she didn't know that! You never know what a person is going through and those words just enraged me to point of wanting to CTB right infront of her goddamn face. Age does not fucking matter when it comes to depression and I hate these kinds of people who take the topic of suicide so lightly. They don't realize someone wants to suicide because they're hurting THAT badly.
Sorry for my long rant. Ugh, anyone else get told something similar?

 

[Fire&Ash]

Wtf I hate these people

 

[AmDead]

Wtf I hate these people

Right?!?!

 

[Fire&Ash]

Right?!?!

I remember my sister screaming at me telling me I'm going to hell and that no one can pray for me to get out. Everyone is going to hate me no will be like "boo hoo i wish she didn't do it" and "no one is going to feel sorry for you" like I just sat there straight staring at her. She's toxic btw

 

[Worndown]

I guess that person thought they represented the mature portion of the population.

 

[psychoticxerror]

That was such an insensitive comment for her to make. I'm sorry you have to put up with her.

 

[AmDead]

That was such an insensitive comment for her to make. I'm sorry you have to put up with her.

Just one more year... unless you know, I ctb first

 

[psychoticxerror]

Just one more year... unless you know, I ctb first

You got this!

 

[Emily123]

when you are a teenager , you still have too much opportunity to change your life ( you may not see any solution for the current situation in your life but please believe me . time can change many things in your life) . This is why it's still soon for any teenager to ctb ( it's not because you don't understand or older people understand more than you . it is because you still have too much time and time may also show its magic to change your life

 

[AmDead]

when you are a teenager , you still have too much opportunity to change your life ( you may not see any solution for the current situation in your life but please believe me . time can change many things in your life) . This is why it's still soon for any teenager to ctb ( it's not because you don't understand or older people understand more than you . it is because you still have too much time and time may also show its magic to change your life

Time can also change things for the worst. Those so called opportunities do not interest me in the slightest. It's too small to see, but my profile pic says, "If the price of future happiness is this painful, I don't want it." It's not even guaranteed. I don't want to risk living another 10 years in this much pain. I don't care if I laugh with my family every now and then, it's not worth it.
Plus, I see a few people on here who regret that they had not committed sooner, like in their teens.

 

[Avril]

You tell her to walk a mile in your shoes, I bet she won't last long enough. @AmDead I admire you for staying strong in the face of adversity. If all else fails, CTB.

 

[Green Destiny]

This person clearly has no understanding on what you're going through. And they're an imbecile because of that.

 

[RealHumanBean]

This person is someone who plays a very big role in my life, someone I can't exactly run away from, but I hate them. She's also an intelligent "older" woman. I should also mention I'm still a teenager. Which is probably why she told me I'm immature.
She didn't know I had depression, though if it were someone other than her I'm sure they would have connected the dots and noticed I was not good. But this person had the audacity to say to my face I was acting immature when I straight up told her I wanted to kill myself because of all the stress.
She thought I was joking! Why would I joke about such a thing and even if I was joking, she didn't know that! You never know what a person is going through and those words just enraged me to point of wanting to CTB right infront of her goddamn face. Age does not fucking matter when it comes to depression and I hate these kinds of people who take the topic of suicide so lightly. They don't realize someone wants to suicide because they're hurting THAT badly.
Sorry for my long rant. Ugh, anyone else get told something similar?

Next time this person is in your home, calmly walk over to the knife block and withdraw one. Stand directly in front of her and hold eye contact with her, then plunge the knife into yourself. It'll hurt and it won't kill you, but it will send a message.

 

[Emily123]

Time can also change things for the worst. Those so called opportunities do not interest me in the slightest. It's too small to see, but my profile pic says, "If the price of future happiness is this painful, I don't want it." It's not even guaranteed. I don't want to risk living another 10 years in this much pain. I don't care if I laugh with my family every now and then, it's not worth it.
Plus, I see a few people on here who regret that they had not committed sooner, like in their teens.

I can understand your feelings and suicide may be the best solution for you . But i wouldn't ctb if I was a teenager . i would used all the opportunities to make the best of my life . i am not speaking about the chance that future would be better by itself . i am speaking about the potential that any teenager has to make the future better

 

[ladolcemorte]

People often have no idea how to handle people who are suicidal. I have heard it all, and from people who are close to me and even mental health professionals: "you are just being overly dramatic", "you are doing it for attention", "you just need to be stronger", "you just have trouble dealing with difficult emotions", "you need to be more positive and stop dwelling on your problems", and of course, that old chestnut: "suicide is cowardly".

No one knows what is really going on in your head but you. Your feelings are real. The danger to your life is real. Don't let people who don't understand make you feel ashamed of what you are going through.

I should say that I did manage to find people who took me seriously eventually. So bear in mind that just because this person reacted badly, it doesn't mean that everyone will.

 

[2nd Zed]

My father just kept calling me selfish for being suicidal. That taught me to never talk about suicide again

 

[AmDead]

I can understand your feelings and suicide may be the best solution for you . But i wouldn't ctb if I was a teenager . i would used all the opportunities to make the best of my life . i am not speaking about the chance that future would be better by itself . i am speaking about the potential that any teenager has to make the future better

And for what reason? I had suicidal thoughts when I was 13. I remember it well and nothing has gotten better. Believe me, I tried to get better, for a few years after that suicide phase ended, it was better, but it all comes back. Why do I need to keep living? Why do I need to get better? I thought this was a pro-choice space?

 

[rt1989526]

Whatever you do, do not turn to SSRIs, they will only make it worse.

 

[ItsAllaBigNothing32]

Please don't tell anyone, unless it's on here. People will use it against you and make your life a living hell, they can hospitalize you. Especially if you're a teenager.

 

[Ghost2211]

People can become insensitive and cruel when faced with fear and loss of ability to fix or control the situation. The problem is them not you.

 

[AmDead]

@rt1989526
What are SSRIs? Are they like police
@ItsAllaBigNothing32
I already learned that the hard way...

 

[rt1989526]

@rt1989526
What are SSRIs? Are they like police
@ItsAllaBigNothing32
I already learned that the hard way...

SSRIs are antidepressants which you will likely be recommended if you ever go see a doctor about your problems. They fuck your brain and body up.

 

[AmDead]

SSRIs are antidepressants which you will likely be recommended if you ever go see a doctor about your problems. They fuck your brain and body up.

Ah thanks. So far I've only seen counselors and they haven't done much.

 

[rt1989526]

Ah thanks. So far I've only seen counselors and they haven't done much.

Just stay away from mind altering medications
That's all I can tell you.

Most counselors are useless because they've never gone thru what you're going thru.

 

[ItsAllaBigNothing32]

SSRIs are antidepressants which you will likely be recommended if you ever go see a doctor about your problems. They fuck your brain and body up.

A big proportion of mass shooters were on SSRIs at the time of their shootings, if i'm not mistaken. I know on Zoloft, I went from mellow to RAGING in an instant! I destroyed my bedroom punching holes in walls and I punched my mom. I never had anything like that happen off it. I don't want to knock it if it helps people, but just know there can be side effects they like to leave out of the picture.

 

[Emily123]

And for what reason? I had suicidal thoughts when I was 13. I remember it well and nothing has gotten better. Believe me, I tried to get better, for a few years after that suicide phase ended, it was better, but it all comes back. Why do I need to keep living? Why do I need to get better? I thought this was a pro-choice space?

Anybody who feel bankrupted in the life , there might be the time to ctb . But i could really enjoy small things in my life when i wasn't botched by surgeons . i was really enjoying listening to the music . sitting next to the window and listen to the rain sound when it was raining . Doing make up, Datng with different people and being very naughty . Creating an amazing software , playing video games, hacking websites , going to a party . talking with a friend . sitting in the beach and enjoy looking at the sea . There were many things that i was enjoying but there isn't anymore opportunity for me to be happy . if you're looking for a philosophy of the life . there may be no meaningful philosophy but enjoying the moments

 

[AmDead]

A big proportion of mass shooters were on SSRIs at the time of their shootings, if i'm not mistaken. I know on Zoloft, I went from mellow to RAGING in an instant! I destroyed my bedroom punching holes in walls and I punched my mom. I never had anything like that happen off it. I don't want to knock it if it helps people, but just know there can be side effects they like to leave out of the picture.

Yikes! I have a person living close by who is on anti-depressants but I can definitely tell when he forgets to take them or changes dosage. Not something I want to be on!

Anybody who feel bankrupted in the life , there might be the time to ctb . But i could really enjoy small things in my life when i wasn't botched by surgeons . i was really enjoying listening to the music . sitting next to the window and listen to the rain sound when it was raining . Doing make up, Datng with different people and being very naughty . Creating an amazing software , playing video games, hacking websites , going to a party . talking with a friend . sitting in the beach and enjoy looking at the sea . There were many things that i was enjoying but there isn't anymore opportunity for me to be happy . if you're looking for a philosophy of the life . there may be no meaningful philosophy but enjoying the moments

Like I said, those moments are not worth it anymore.

 

[AprilsBlessings]

I hate these people! and i feel you because i've been told something similar, i live in a society that doesn't care and not aware about mental health, a month ago i met someone who was supposed to be aware about mental health because he also was depressed, and when i asked him if he thought about suicide when he was depressed he said "No, suicide is an act of weakness, and I'm not weak" that bothered me A LOT!

 

[AmDead]

I hate these people! and i feel you because i've been told something similar, i live in a society that doesn't care and not aware about mental health, a month ago i met someone who was supposed to be aware about mental health because he also was depressed, and when i asked him if he thought about suicide when he was depressed he said "No, suicide is an act of weakness, and I'm not weak" that bothered me A LOT!

I get that some people can't understand because they've never been through it, but to not show some level of empathy is a whole other story.
I can only imagine the shock, disappointment, feeling of being backstabbed by someone you thought shared the same feelings, who instead belittled your thoughts.

 

[Linda]

This person is someone who plays a very big role in my life, someone I can't exactly run away from, but I hate them. She's also an intelligent "older" woman. I should also mention I'm still a teenager. Which is probably why she told me I'm immature.
She didn't know I had depression, though if it were someone other than her I'm sure they would have connected the dots and noticed I was not good. But this person had the audacity to say to my face I was acting immature when I straight up told her I wanted to kill myself because of all the stress.
She thought I was joking! Why would I joke about such a thing and even if I was joking, she didn't know that! You never know what a person is going through and those words just enraged me to point of wanting to CTB right infront of her goddamn face. Age does not fucking matter when it comes to depression and I hate these kinds of people who take the topic of suicide so lightly. They don't realize someone wants to suicide because they're hurting THAT badly.
Sorry for my long rant. Ugh, anyone else get told something similar?

I'm an intelligent older woman too (I'm 67) and I have no doubt that you are immature. That's not intended as a put-down. I am just stating a fact. "Mature" means that your mental and physical faculties have fully developed, and for most people that doesn't happen until their mid 20s. Since you are a teenager, you have not reached that stage.

I also think that the matter of whether you are mature or not is completely irrelevant to the question of whether you should ctb. As you say, depression hurts, and if it hurts badly enough and is going to remain forever then ending it all may be the most rational choice.

However, it is also a fact that, for most people, difficult times do not last forever. In your case, I think your best option is probably to wait and see whether things improve. The odds are in your favor.

Your friend was wrong not to take you seriously. When I was your age I didn't like it at all when adults thought they knew what was going on in my head better than I knew it myself. Almost always, they didn't. Adults who thought they knew everything annoyed me then, and they still annoy me.