CumbriaCTB
Member
- Jul 15, 2025
- 42
Dear Reader,
I hope this forum post finds you well.
I am writing to report that, mere minutes ago, I have attempted to CTB by executing this plan yet was forced to back out due to Survival Instinct. I am confident that such a setup (after incorporating the feedback given by users in the linked thread) would have, as I live alone, a 100% chance of killing me. The core of the issue is that I simply did not execute the plan as intended.
I got as far as jumping from the stool only to, a mere split-second later, swing myself back onto the stool because I really did not enjoy the sensation having my carotid arteries constricted at all. I still feel light-headed as of writing. From the videos I've seen of well-executed full-suspension hangings, the subject would typically require 10~20 seconds of continuous carotid constriction to lose consciousness. In the aforementioned videos, the subjects would often hold both of their hands just above the knot in order to keep the rope in place which is what I did; I ended up using my grip on the rope to reverse my forward momentum and get myself back on the stool. I hope I have given you a suitable mental image here.
As I write, I realise that what I did not do was kick the stool over. Not all of the subjects in the reference videos kicked their stools either although the majority did do so. All subjects lost consciousness on-camera regardless. Is this the key to defeating SI? Let's presume that most of the subjects in the reference videos were, like myself, overcome by SI less than a second after carotid constriction commenced. If they've already kicked the stool, what harm is their SI going to be able to do? If out of eyesight and earshot of other people, it is virtually impossible to reverse the CTB process at the point; the subjects' death was ensured as soon as the stool hit the floor.
What I am trying to say is that, despite my plan being quite thorough, it is largely pointless if I do not actually execute said plan. Yes, I felt much more confident beginning the CTB process knowing that there were no risks of my peer-reviewed, 14-years-of-suicidal-ideation-in-the-making CTB plan failing me when I needed it most. My body however didn't give a damn about how many paragraphs of text it took to describe my plan nor does it care that it was approved by multiple users on this forum. The human body is a biological machine which runs on pure instinct and, when push comes to shove, no amount of higher reasoning can get it to cooperate.
Naturally, the solution is fairly simple: kick the damn stool.
I would like to do the above immediately but my body has exited its near-death-experience-induced state of hyperarousal and has subsequently entered a fairly calm state of sedation... and too sedated to do anything difficult so no killing myself until whichever chemical is causing this sedated feeling has left my body. If you've ever smoked cannabis, it's a remarkably similar feeling.
Faithfully,
CumbriaCTB
I hope this forum post finds you well.
I am writing to report that, mere minutes ago, I have attempted to CTB by executing this plan yet was forced to back out due to Survival Instinct. I am confident that such a setup (after incorporating the feedback given by users in the linked thread) would have, as I live alone, a 100% chance of killing me. The core of the issue is that I simply did not execute the plan as intended.
I got as far as jumping from the stool only to, a mere split-second later, swing myself back onto the stool because I really did not enjoy the sensation having my carotid arteries constricted at all. I still feel light-headed as of writing. From the videos I've seen of well-executed full-suspension hangings, the subject would typically require 10~20 seconds of continuous carotid constriction to lose consciousness. In the aforementioned videos, the subjects would often hold both of their hands just above the knot in order to keep the rope in place which is what I did; I ended up using my grip on the rope to reverse my forward momentum and get myself back on the stool. I hope I have given you a suitable mental image here.
As I write, I realise that what I did not do was kick the stool over. Not all of the subjects in the reference videos kicked their stools either although the majority did do so. All subjects lost consciousness on-camera regardless. Is this the key to defeating SI? Let's presume that most of the subjects in the reference videos were, like myself, overcome by SI less than a second after carotid constriction commenced. If they've already kicked the stool, what harm is their SI going to be able to do? If out of eyesight and earshot of other people, it is virtually impossible to reverse the CTB process at the point; the subjects' death was ensured as soon as the stool hit the floor.
What I am trying to say is that, despite my plan being quite thorough, it is largely pointless if I do not actually execute said plan. Yes, I felt much more confident beginning the CTB process knowing that there were no risks of my peer-reviewed, 14-years-of-suicidal-ideation-in-the-making CTB plan failing me when I needed it most. My body however didn't give a damn about how many paragraphs of text it took to describe my plan nor does it care that it was approved by multiple users on this forum. The human body is a biological machine which runs on pure instinct and, when push comes to shove, no amount of higher reasoning can get it to cooperate.
Naturally, the solution is fairly simple: kick the damn stool.
I would like to do the above immediately but my body has exited its near-death-experience-induced state of hyperarousal and has subsequently entered a fairly calm state of sedation... and too sedated to do anything difficult so no killing myself until whichever chemical is causing this sedated feeling has left my body. If you've ever smoked cannabis, it's a remarkably similar feeling.
Faithfully,
CumbriaCTB
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