Story Accidentally almost died on Fentanyl

[bloodybaron]

I have always wanted to die. So badly. I still want to die. I hate it here. I hate my life. I guess that's why I was doing drugs in the first place. I wasn't looking to kill myself but I didn't exactly care if something did ever end up happening to me. I think deep down I wanted the drugs to fuck me up so that I could die. I bought a gram of coke from some random guy off of Snapchat and I snorted the whole gram over time without any issues. In fact the coke didn't even speed me up like it's supposed to. Just made me more alert. I've done adderall before and that was way more intense than the coke I bought off of him. I decided to buy from him a second time because I was feeling the need to self sabotage again even though his coke was shit. He gave me a small plastic bag with a gram in it and I drove to my sisters apartment to hang out. While she went to take a shower I put the gram into a little vial that I had and all that was left were some remnants stuck to the bag. I shook the rest of it onto my wallet (it was about the size of a very small bump) and snorted it. I immediately started to feel disoriented and nauseous. I sat on the couch and felt like I was about to pass out. I was so high I didn't even think twice about the fact that what I snorted was laced and that cocaine should not be slowing me down like this. My sister came out of the shower and noticed me acting weird. I was laying on the couch and talking very slowly and incoherently and I remember telling her that I did coke and not to be mad at me. Then I blacked out. Apparently while I was gone I had stopped breathing and went blue in the face. My sister called 911 and the paramedics had to use narcan on me to get me to come back. I woke up in an instant and was informed that the coke was laced with fentanyl and that I almost died. I then proceeded to go to the hospital where I vomited all night. My family was there and they all vowed to help me and to be there. My girlfriend didn't seem to give a fuck but honestly I don't think she's ever really cared about me. Fast forward to now my family thinks that helping me is pressuring me to get a full time job or go back to school and get out of my toxic relationship with my girlfriend. I don't have the strength to leave her and I can barely get out of bed every day because all I can think about is how much I hate life. I don't know what I want to do in life and I have never found a calling. I just want to die. I wish I knew that what i had was fentanyl and not coke. I would have done it differently. I have always yearned for a pleasant, painless death. It was right there in my possession and I didn't even know it. I wish I would have done a large amount without anybody around. I wish I would have known and I wish I would have died.

 

[Mr_House]

I have always wanted to die. So badly. I still want to die. I hate it here. I hate my life. I guess that's why I was doing drugs in the first place. I wasn't looking to kill myself but I didn't exactly care if something did ever end up happening to me. I think deep down I wanted the drugs to fuck me up so that I could die. I bought a gram of coke from some random guy off of Snapchat and I snorted the whole gram over time without any issues. In fact the coke didn't even speed me up like it's supposed to. Just made me more alert. I've done adderall before and that was way more intense than the coke I bought off of him. I decided to buy from him a second time because I was feeling the need to self sabotage again even though his coke was shit. He gave me a small plastic bag with a gram in it and I drove to my sisters apartment to hang out. While she went to take a shower I put the gram into a little vial that I had and all that was left were some remnants stuck to the bag. I shook the rest of it onto my wallet (it was about the size of a very small bump) and snorted it. I immediately started to feel disoriented and nauseous. I sat on the couch and felt like I was about to pass out. I was so high I didn't even think twice about the fact that what I snorted was laced and that cocaine should not be slowing me down like this. My sister came out of the shower and noticed me acting weird. I was laying on the couch and talking very slowly and incoherently and I remember telling her that I did coke and not to be mad at me. Then I blacked out. Apparently while I was gone I had stopped breathing and went blue in the face. My sister called 911 and the paramedics had to use narcan on me to get me to come back. I woke up in an instant and was informed that the coke was laced with fentanyl and that I almost died. I then proceeded to go to the hospital where I vomited all night. My family was there and they all vowed to help me and to be there. My girlfriend didn't seem to give a fuck but honestly I don't think she's ever really cared about me. Fast forward to now my family thinks that helping me is pressuring me to get a full time job or go back to school and get out of my toxic relationship with my girlfriend. I don't have the strength to leave her and I can barely get out of bed every day because all I can think about is how much I hate life. I don't know what I want to do in life and I have never found a calling. I just want to die. I wish I knew that what i had was fentanyl and not coke. I would have done it differently. I have always yearned for a pleasant, painless death. It was right there in my possession and I didn't even know it. I wish I would have done a large amount without anybody around. I wish I would have known and I wish I would have died.

Maybe you could contact the coke curator again and say: "Hook me up with the stuff from last time… and make it double!" Then he gives you the party supplies and that's that. Of course that's just in case you still want to die, and if that method is still available to you.

Sorry about these circumstances, bloodybaron

 

[wait.what]

Wow … it can be that quick, huh? Blink and you're gone? A while ago someone who was experienced with heroin told us about how opioid OD's were hideous, or at least could be. Your experience with fent actually sounds pretty great, though. Or at least it does from a suicidal perspective. Just snort, snore, bye.

All the information I ever see about getting hold of fentanyl is "don't bother trying" though. Apparently you can only get it by accident. No one "reputable" will hand you any on purpose. (Thanks, reputable dealers in illegal drugs!) After a while it starts to sound like some BS kids' story: "Oh, you must never directly ask for fentanyl. The Fent Fairies are much too shy for that. But someday, if you're very good, and pay your reputable drug dealer regularly, a Fent Fairy might just leave you a special gift inside your fake benzos. Then you get to fly to Never Never Land, the magic land where you never, never wake up."

 

[sincerelysad]

Wow … it can be that quick, huh? Blink and you're gone? A while ago someone who was experienced with heroin told us about how opioid OD's were hideous, or at least could be. Your experience with fent actually sounds pretty great, though. Or at least it does from a suicidal perspective. Just snort, snore, bye.

All the information I ever see about getting hold of fentanyl is "don't bother trying" though. Apparently you can only get it by accident. No one "reputable" will hand you any on purpose. (Thanks, reputable dealers in illegal drugs!) After a while it starts to sound like some BS kids' story: "Oh, you must never directly ask for fentanyl. The Fent Fairies are much too shy for that. But someday, if you're very good, and pay your reputable drug dealer regularly, a Fent Fairy might just leave you a special gift inside your fake benzos. Then you get to fly to Never Never Land, the magic land where you never, never wake up."

i used to have a local, reputable supplier. i did fent laced xanax for awhile, and then he disappeared one day. never came back online.
it's not as hard as you'd think to find. i found him on telegram. and also, it's incredibly easy to OD on fentanyl. just not if you have any sort of tolerance.

 

[LiesAndLigatures]

My friend has overdosed on F 3 times. It is always less than 2 minutes of wondering "was that too much?" Before you wake up surrounded by paramedics. Seems like a good way to go.

 

[onceuponadec]

I have been trying to get fent forever. I'm ready to just walk downtown and ask random people where I can buy some.

 

[m56sl]

Since getting N to CTB is almost like perfecting nuclear fusion I plan to get fentanyl on the dark web and have it tested. Apparently it's easy to test a batch.

Fentanyl Test Strips: A Harm Reduction Strategy

www.cdc.gov

 

[FuneralCry]

Your feelings of wishing that you died are completely understandable, as it does sound so ideal to me passing away peacefully, I especially envy those who die in a peaceful way. But it really does make sense feeling so frustrated that you are still here, I've also always really hated existing, it's just such a terrible thing feeling so trapped in this world when you just want to be gone.

 

[annieslifentears]

I have been trying to get fent forever. I'm ready to just walk downtown and ask random people where I can buy some.

Me too. I want it but have no idea where to get it.

 

[bloodybaron]

Maybe you could contact the coke curator again and say: "Hook me up with the stuff from last time… and make it double!" Then he gives you the party supplies and that's that. Of course that's just in case you still want to die, and if that method is still available to you.

Sorry about these circumstances, bloodybaron

Sadly after the OD I told him what happened and he denied knowing that the coke was laced and refused to contact me again. I guess I'm gonna have to ask around on Snapchat again for coke and hope for another laced batch. Its hard to tell who laced the drugs because coke changes hands so often, it's a chain of people and you never know how far back it goes.

Your feelings of wishing that you died are completely understandable, as it does sound so ideal to me passing away peacefully, I especially envy those who die in a peaceful way. But it really does make sense feeling so frustrated that you are still here, I've also always really hated existing, it's just such a terrible thing feeling so trapped in this world when you just want to be gone.

Yeah.. it feels ironic in a way. I spent all of these years researching how to die peacefully and painlessly, and when I finally have something that can do exactly that, I don't even know it! It plagues my mind every day. "You could have died the way you have always wanted to, if only I could have done things differently."

 

[Samsara]

I have always wanted to die. So badly. I still want to die. I hate it here. I hate my life. I guess that's why I was doing drugs in the first place. I wasn't looking to kill myself but I didn't exactly care if something did ever end up happening to me. I think deep down I wanted the drugs to fuck me up so that I could die. I bought a gram of coke from some random guy off of Snapchat and I snorted the whole gram over time without any issues. In fact the coke didn't even speed me up like it's supposed to. Just made me more alert. I've done adderall before and that was way more intense than the coke I bought off of him. I decided to buy from him a second time because I was feeling the need to self sabotage again even though his coke was shit. He gave me a small plastic bag with a gram in it and I drove to my sisters apartment to hang out. While she went to take a shower I put the gram into a little vial that I had and all that was left were some remnants stuck to the bag. I shook the rest of it onto my wallet (it was about the size of a very small bump) and snorted it. I immediately started to feel disoriented and nauseous. I sat on the couch and felt like I was about to pass out. I was so high I didn't even think twice about the fact that what I snorted was laced and that cocaine should not be slowing me down like this. My sister came out of the shower and noticed me acting weird. I was laying on the couch and talking very slowly and incoherently and I remember telling her that I did coke and not to be mad at me. Then I blacked out. Apparently while I was gone I had stopped breathing and went blue in the face. My sister called 911 and the paramedics had to use narcan on me to get me to come back. I woke up in an instant and was informed that the coke was laced with fentanyl and that I almost died. I then proceeded to go to the hospital where I vomited all night. My family was there and they all vowed to help me and to be there. My girlfriend didn't seem to give a fuck but honestly I don't think she's ever really cared about me. Fast forward to now my family thinks that helping me is pressuring me to get a full time job or go back to school and get out of my toxic relationship with my girlfriend. I don't have the strength to leave her and I can barely get out of bed every day because all I can think about is how much I hate life. I don't know what I want to do in life and I have never found a calling. I just want to die. I wish I knew that what i had was fentanyl and not coke. I would have done it differently. I have always yearned for a pleasant, painless death. It was right there in my possession and I didn't even know it. I wish I would have done a large amount without anybody around. I wish I would have known and I wish I would have died.

I'm so sorry, bloodybaron. I know what its like to be in a toxic relationship that you feel trapped in and don't feel the strength to leave. I was stuck in that scenario for many years and figured there was no point in investing the strength and risking a screaming fit from him because I figured I'd ctb soon anyway.

But if you know, in your heart, that your girlfriend is making you miserable, I really encourage you to leave her. Especially if she is poisonous and contributing to a lot of suffering and unnecessary drama and pain in your life. This will make things at least a little better - and, in my case, a LOT better. It made all the difference.

 

[hiddenbpd]

I've always thought fent would be a good option for ctb. Seems peaceful to the person experiencing it. And quite fatal if you're not caught. I just can't risk the fact that it's illegal.

 

[bloodybaron]

I'm so sorry, bloodybaron. I know what its like to be in a toxic relationship that you feel trapped in and don't feel the strength to leave. I was stuck in that scenario for many years and figured there was no point in investing the strength and risking a screaming fit from him because I figured I'd ctb soon anyway.

But if you know, in your heart, that your girlfriend is making you miserable, I really encourage you to leave her. Especially if she is poisonous and contributing to a lot of suffering and unnecessary drama and pain in your life. This will make things at least a little better - and, in my case, a LOT better. It made all the difference.

thank you, i really appreciate your advice. even after this situation I tried to make things work with her because I know I love her but I never got any of the effort back. things have gotten even worse since I almost died so i might have to even if I don't want to. i am hoping that once i leave her I won't be an empty shell of a person anymore. thank you again for your encouragement. it really helps knowing I'm not the only one.