Ambivalence poll

[Felodese]

Poll because I'm borded

 

[needthebus]

I feel really ambivalent.

I'm having really bad symptoms, but if I go to a doctor there's too much risk of getting hospitalized again. It's not worth it to me. I wish the mental health system was not intertwined with rules that allowed for captivity. There is in fact no way to to interact with the mental system without danger of hospitalizations for long periods of time or forced medications. I feel bad about mentioning this stuff here and I really wish everyone here could be happy and I don't want to make anyone more likely to do it. I'm just so fucking sad all the time and terrified of feeling worse and being unable to do it. I am lonely and that's why I post here, because if I try to talk to a someone, I'll get up hospitalized, billed for my involuntary stay, which I can't afford, and it won't improve things. It's like if you say "I'm sad and miserable" they use as an opportunity to financially exploit people.

 

[Warlord's Pulse]

2 - Mostly want to die but have doubt
I'm tryharding my life, but rationally I deep down know that nothing can solve my hectic mind

 

[Josef2000]

It's only a matter of time.

 

[trashhologram]

I think I mostly want to live, I just want this mental pain to go away. I know I said this last year too but I'm going to actually get better in 2025. I have a doctors appointment in December and I will be brutally honest about my depression and anxiety there. I hope I'll get some help. If not, I'll kill myself. This is my last hope.

 

[alltoomuch2]

I really don't know. ATM I've realised I am made up of 6 distinct people (schema?) and one of them sees no purpose or future and thinks I should die. He's very strong and can gang up with other parts of me and then the threat is real. But so far my protective "person" has managed to cut in and get me to call the crisis team if I've got real intent and am about to do it.