My mom really hates me and is very aggressive with me
A lot of times when I'm on the edge she'll tell me to do bc she doesn't care
A lot of times when I'm on the edge she'll tell me to do bc she doesn't care
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Letmego. Please
Wizard
- Nov 18, 2018
- 619
I had a odd (nice odd!) psych nurse once who thought there was nothing wrong with depressed people killing themselves, she even left me sat next to the drugs cupboard that she forgot to lock.
And my now ex husband, knowing i was suicidal deliberately left all the drugs i had stockpiled unlocked knowing what i would do.
And yeah i am sure if i bothered to ask a few people they would tell me to just fuck off & do it already.
Sorry you have the same, i hope you find someone who does care ((Hugs))
And my now ex husband, knowing i was suicidal deliberately left all the drugs i had stockpiled unlocked knowing what i would do.
And yeah i am sure if i bothered to ask a few people they would tell me to just fuck off & do it already.
Sorry you have the same, i hope you find someone who does care ((Hugs))
Halo13
Wizard
- May 9, 2019
- 671
Yes. In one instance it was very kind and supportive. Then the other two: once was me breaking down as my guardian was dying in hospice and told my roommate I just wanted to kill myself from the very thought of loosing my last family member. She yelled about how I was a loser then screamed in my face to just do it already. (I've never had a roommate since then.)
The other time I'd discovered my then fiancé cheated on me for three years so his best friend called me to talk. He was an EMT so I confided I was literally staring at my gun while sobbing. He said I'm pathetic, my fiancé deserved better than trash like me, that he's been trying to convince him to leave me. I was so completely floored by such cruelty considering I never cheated, lied and was under the impression we were getting married. I took a benzo, opioid and vodka overdose and woke up in the hospital. Ended the relationship as well.
It can be helpful for some to hear those things but for me, it made me feel less than crap on the bottom of your shoe. I think it should be my choice when to do it, not spurred on by terrible people goading me to do it. I want to ctb in part to people treating me like that. I'm still shocked years later how fucked up that was - naturally, I ended up the bad guy somehow. Cheating and lying is considered okay but suicidal ideation? Never.
The other time I'd discovered my then fiancé cheated on me for three years so his best friend called me to talk. He was an EMT so I confided I was literally staring at my gun while sobbing. He said I'm pathetic, my fiancé deserved better than trash like me, that he's been trying to convince him to leave me. I was so completely floored by such cruelty considering I never cheated, lied and was under the impression we were getting married. I took a benzo, opioid and vodka overdose and woke up in the hospital. Ended the relationship as well.
It can be helpful for some to hear those things but for me, it made me feel less than crap on the bottom of your shoe. I think it should be my choice when to do it, not spurred on by terrible people goading me to do it. I want to ctb in part to people treating me like that. I'm still shocked years later how fucked up that was - naturally, I ended up the bad guy somehow. Cheating and lying is considered okay but suicidal ideation? Never.
LastFlowers
the haru that can read
- Apr 27, 2019
- 2,170
Yes. Others get sick of miserable people after awhile so they will start to poke the bear. :/
Orin
Experienced
- Apr 16, 2019
- 253
I've always wanted to become a Buddhist monk and whenever i'd bring it up with my mom i noticed she'd always get into a panic (obviously she disapproves). I told her there are only two paths for me: monkhood or ctb. She asked "How are you gonna ctb?" I replied casually, "I dunno, jump over the Golden Gate bridge...?" She replied "why waste money when the Coronado bridge is just 20 minutes away?"
I am sorry that your mother does not care about you. But you can look at it from positive side - you won't hurt her when you decide to stop your pain and CTB. I know my mother would be devastated if I would CTB and practically only this keeps me from ending it all. You are free to go and everyone sooner or later would be gone.
Conflicted Cat
Experienced
- May 23, 2019
- 256
Yes. And when people do, I keep going out of spite. When and if I end my life, it's gonna be because I wanted to, not because YOU did.
Sayo
Not 2B
- Aug 22, 2018
- 520
Yes. I first failed when I was fifteen. My memory of the incident is very hazy as I repressed it and was only capable of reconstructing it after I was told about it, years later.
For some reason or another I was going to do it that night. My parents were rarely asleep until very late in the night and I was frequently in trouble for staying up, so I waited for them to fall asleep while browsing the internet. My best friend came online at around 2 AM. I messaged him for one last chat.
I don't really know how it happened or what order the conversation happened in, but he said he had to tell me something and that he wasn't going to talk to me any more. I forget if he indicated why but it ended up having something to do with new people he met. I was very distraught at the idea he was going to abandon me and I explained what was going to happen. His reaction was to encourage me to do it, and he reasoned that 'if I was going to die, I could [tell him what was at the time my greatest secret, and very revealing]'. So I told him and he went offline.
I failed due to choosing a very poor method. I completely forgot this happened and befriended him again at some point. I remembered everything about the night but his involvement, and had forgotten a lot of things related to him in a similar surgical way. I mentioned later on he didn't know the secret thing and he confessed that he did. Between his explanation and my own memory/recordings I was able to verify it. It did mess with my head.
I firmly believe there is a difference between accepting someone's decision to find peace out of love - supporting them regardless of what they do - and callously encouraging a suicidal person to go ahead. The latter may push an impulsive or undecided person over the edge and is hurtful even to the rationally suicidal, as it comes more of rejection and indifference than care.
Sometimes people may push you away aggressively if they think they can't stop you from suicide or want to call your bluff as well. I also think this is generally very harmful but it is not motivated by apathy in the same way and tends to be regretted.
Your decision must always be your own and no one else's, insofar as that is possible.
For some reason or another I was going to do it that night. My parents were rarely asleep until very late in the night and I was frequently in trouble for staying up, so I waited for them to fall asleep while browsing the internet. My best friend came online at around 2 AM. I messaged him for one last chat.
I don't really know how it happened or what order the conversation happened in, but he said he had to tell me something and that he wasn't going to talk to me any more. I forget if he indicated why but it ended up having something to do with new people he met. I was very distraught at the idea he was going to abandon me and I explained what was going to happen. His reaction was to encourage me to do it, and he reasoned that 'if I was going to die, I could [tell him what was at the time my greatest secret, and very revealing]'. So I told him and he went offline.
I failed due to choosing a very poor method. I completely forgot this happened and befriended him again at some point. I remembered everything about the night but his involvement, and had forgotten a lot of things related to him in a similar surgical way. I mentioned later on he didn't know the secret thing and he confessed that he did. Between his explanation and my own memory/recordings I was able to verify it. It did mess with my head.
I firmly believe there is a difference between accepting someone's decision to find peace out of love - supporting them regardless of what they do - and callously encouraging a suicidal person to go ahead. The latter may push an impulsive or undecided person over the edge and is hurtful even to the rationally suicidal, as it comes more of rejection and indifference than care.
Sometimes people may push you away aggressively if they think they can't stop you from suicide or want to call your bluff as well. I also think this is generally very harmful but it is not motivated by apathy in the same way and tends to be regretted.
Your decision must always be your own and no one else's, insofar as that is possible.
Halo13
Wizard
- May 9, 2019
- 671
Letmego. Please
Wizard
- Nov 18, 2018
- 619
I made my one & only ever attempt to ask for help yrs ago after constantly being berated for never telling them when i was in 'crisis' & attempting suicide.
So i call this Mh crisis team, as instructed if i am feeling unsafe (their words not mine lol) I tell them that I'm just about ready to go down the garage & hang myself - Their suggested help was that i try to read a book, wtf, seriously, i so wanted to just go do it and their 'help' just made me feel worse. But in the end i thought fu*k it i'm not killing myself over you tossers not giving a monkeys. The only time i have tried to stay alive to spite someone....
So i call this Mh crisis team, as instructed if i am feeling unsafe (their words not mine lol) I tell them that I'm just about ready to go down the garage & hang myself - Their suggested help was that i try to read a book, wtf, seriously, i so wanted to just go do it and their 'help' just made me feel worse. But in the end i thought fu*k it i'm not killing myself over you tossers not giving a monkeys. The only time i have tried to stay alive to spite someone....
Ambie
Member
- Jun 13, 2019
- 46
Yeah, this just happened to me yesterday and i feel so fucking hurt right now. I'm in the middle of a crisis situation and messaged a "friend" to ask for help. When I told him I think I'm going to kill myself and he just answered "bye". Wtf. 2 months ago he was telling me that I was important to him and wanted to help. I dont get it. why would he say those things if he never even meant it.
Letmego. Please
Wizard
- Nov 18, 2018
- 619
I dunno but sometimes i guess its easy for someone to say they will help, cause those words are cheap, actually helping is something different entirely. Sorry you trusted an arse (((Hugs)))
Ambie
Member
- Jun 13, 2019
- 46
Thank you. Yeah, I guess so. Maybe he thinks Im just seeking attention or something. This is why I don't trust people.
Bulletwbttrflywings
My soul is awakened... and I’m f*cked
- May 29, 2019
- 244
I'm so sorry for all who were egged in to CTB while in that state, it's a very shitty thing for anyone to experience. These stories all broke my heart, no one should have that happen. This would probably had pushed me over the edge.
I have not had anyone tell me to go ahead and do it, but in the same token, I've never confided in anyone more than once or twice. I've talked to a few therapists, some inpatient and out, but I know the "right words" to say so to not raise concern. So have I ever been authentic when discussing how bad I really am? No. Not unless you count texting crisis hotline... and that was ridiculous, I literally said I'm about to CTB and they can't do anything.
I have not had anyone tell me to go ahead and do it, but in the same token, I've never confided in anyone more than once or twice. I've talked to a few therapists, some inpatient and out, but I know the "right words" to say so to not raise concern. So have I ever been authentic when discussing how bad I really am? No. Not unless you count texting crisis hotline... and that was ridiculous, I literally said I'm about to CTB and they can't do anything.
not_a_robot
"i hope the leaving is joyful, & never to return"
- May 30, 2019
- 2,121
yes!
the bastards are going to make me immortal if they keep pushing, wtf! pricks! let me have this!
/triggered!
HitchHiker
Student
- Jun 23, 2019
- 140
I haven't personally no. But I had a friend whose ex was making his life a misery, stopping him from seeing his children, using them like little pawns in an evil game. One evening he was begging her to let him have the kids and she told him to go and kill himself. Then proceeded to send him texts asking if he'd done it yet. He hung himself in his shed that night. The bitch got another partner, split up with him and is now playing the same game with their kids.
262653
Cluesome
- Apr 5, 2018
- 1,733
The last time my mother advised me to hang myself on a tree, I punched her in the face.
Isn't keep going out of spite means that someone's opinion is still conditional to your suicide?
I'd like not to succumb to my pride... If I want do die, and my enemies want me to die too, then why would I go out of my way to get on theirs?
What is more important: getting what you want, or not letting your enemies to get what they want?
Think of a hooker that may not be very fond ofher one's job, but does it anyway because one needs means to achieve a goal...
Like Griffith was offering his services to a pedophile king so he could afford an army or some sort of thing... haven't watched or read Berserk for an eternity.
Isn't keep going out of spite means that someone's opinion is still conditional to your suicide?
I'd like not to succumb to my pride... If I want do die, and my enemies want me to die too, then why would I go out of my way to get on theirs?
What is more important: getting what you want, or not letting your enemies to get what they want?
Think of a hooker that may not be very fond of
Like Griffith was offering his services to a pedophile king so he could afford an army or some sort of thing... haven't watched or read Berserk for an eternity.
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Yes. Only because they were angry.
I think anyone who tells you to go ahead is certain that it's a cry for attention and doesn't for a second believe that you would.
I think anyone who tells you to go ahead is certain that it's a cry for attention and doesn't for a second believe that you would.
Someone i thought i could could trust after he said i could talk to him about stuff told me to hurry up and kill myself already, stop wasting time. Told me where i could go lay on train tracks in town and said if i was serious i would be dead already.
bigj75
“From Knowledge springs power."
- Sep 1, 2018
- 2,540
The last time I talked to my father he truly shocked me. We were talking, I said that the life is worthless, and he answered: "So why won't you kill yourself?" And I said: "I'm going to." Then he explained that he didn't expect me to say that, that he intentionally asked me that question to provoke my reaction.
The full shock came later when I realized how cold-minded he really is.
The full shock came later when I realized how cold-minded he really is.
