Approaching original CTB date

[Red]

It was July 30th, but I pushed it back. As it gets closer, I'm trying not to regret pushing it back. Last bid to get things sorted out.

Had a revelation about my illness and hope that I can get a decent doctor to listen to me and carry out the appropriate tests. Trying to think positively but not daring to hope too much as so many hopes have been dashed in the past.

I think I have some sort of chronic, systemic vasculitis. Goal is diagnosis or death by embolism lol

Venty venty vent. Nervous, anxious to sort it out and get on with my life, see if it's worth living once my condition is identified and treated. Scared that I might still feel this way even after that.

That is all.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Proud of you for getting this far bro, good job

 

[Luna77]

It was July 30th, but I pushed it back. As it gets closer, I'm trying not to regret pushing it back. Last bid to get things sorted out.

Had a revelation about my illness and hope that I can get a decent doctor to listen to me and carry out the appropriate tests. Trying to think positively but not daring to hope too much as so many hopes have been dashed in the past.

I think I have some sort of chronic, systemic vasculitis. Goal is diagnosis or death by embolism lol

Venty venty vent. Nervous, anxious to sort it out and get on with my life, see if it's worth living once my condition is identified and treated. Scared that I might still feel this way even after that.

That is all.

Hi, I'm a believer in natural remedies for a lot of ailments, they've def helped me with certain issues. You mentioned your vasculitis, have you tried other methods for it? Here's a link to some natural help besides western medicine. I'm not affiliated with this site whatsoever I just have passion & faith in holistic treatments. https://www.davidwolfe.com/4-natural-treatments-vasculitis-inflamed-blood-vessels/

 

[Incorrigible77777]

I'm also setting an approximate time for CTB, which is this coming October (probably will delay if I'm not able find an optimized option to go). And like you wishing to die by embolism, I wish to die suddenly by heart failure (just like what happened to the man in my avatar) so that I don't even need to take the life by myself.

 

[Red]

Hi, I'm a believer in natural remedies for a lot of ailments, they've def helped me with certain issues. You mentioned your vasculitis, have you tried other methods for it? Here's a link to some natural help besides western medicine. I'm not affiliated with this site whatsoever I just have passion & faith in holistic treatments. https://www.davidwolfe.com/4-natural-treatments-vasculitis-inflamed-blood-vessels/

I'll have a peruse, thank you
I'm looking into this too as the common treatment is generally steroids; not happy about potentially getting fat n angry so trying to reduce it myself by using natural remedies and lifestyle changes; giving up smoking, taking tons of supplements to thin blood, strengthen blood vessels, reduce inflammation etc - m sure the info will be useful!

I love this place, getting this level of support is very new to me and extremely humbling!

Even though you're all here for your own complex reasons, you can still reach out and soothe and support others going through their own trials and tribulations... it gives me genuine hope for the future.

Thanks to everyone, especially those who didn't have words but still had hugs xx

I'm also setting an approximate time for CTB, which is this coming October (probably will delay if I'm not able find an optimized option to go). And like you wishing to die by embolism, I wish to die suddenly by heart failure (just like what happened to the man in my avatar) so that I don't even need to take the life by myself.

The dream is to have the choice taken from us... ironic isn't it?

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

Well wishes on your endeavor. x

 

[Red]

It just seems like a never ending cycle of hope and disappointment...
The new doc is just like all the others, nobody believes me or cares
I don't know if I can do this anymore

 

[so tired or manic]

It just seems like a never ending cycle of hope and disappointment...
The new doc is just like all the others, nobody believes me or cares
I don't know if I can do this anymore

finding a compassionate doctor is like finding a needle in a haystack. my best experiences are the younger ones, less drained by by people thinking they have cancer (or probably covid now) because they got a single sniffle.

 

[Red]

Yeah the young keen ones are the best, only the last one I saw bodged it all up so horribly that I don't want to go back to her lol

It's the whole world has constantly conspired to keep me down. It'd be funny if it wasn't so horribly tragic!

Can't stop thinking about how easy it would be to bring that date back forward again, have my backup plan close by instead if so far away in the future. Need some sort of lifeline.

 

[Red]

It was gonna be today

 

[so tired or manic]

how are you feeling?

 

[Red]

Disappointed lol
Hoped to have had some answers but it's the same old story, nobody cares enough to look hard enough to find and identify what has sideswiped me for so long.
Moved the date to November; now I'm thinking that's way too far away!