Assisted Death for PSSD

[kaleisgreatinsalad]

I have posted about PSSD before but not in the context of accompanied suicide. I have tried everything I can think of to try and fix this condition. I have tried Ketamine Therapy, CBT, EMDR, Trauma Therapy, and talking to friends and family. I have tried B vitamins, vegan diets, working out. I no longer have the ability to experience emotions, I cannot feel anything sexually. I view my family and my own mother as complete strangers. I look at them and no longer know who they are. They could die and I would be unable to cry or feel sadness. This condition is a sentence of a living death. I often feel some form of sadness I guess deep inside my mind that the old me is dead. Even if I had all the money in the world it wouldn't change the fact that I cannot enjoy anything. Nothing can fix this despair that I feel daily, my family is sick of me complaining but I think maybe if they knew the gravity of this condition they would feel more sorry for me. I gave up on trying to educate them on this condition because they do not care about my suffering. While they feel sorry for me they do not understand. I guess when the time comes and I tell them if they want to attend they will realize the extent of my suffering. I am posting this to vent my feelings. I want a death that doesn't leave me disabled or in a worse position. I think as a human being I can say when I have suffered enough. I have tried everything that I possibly can to try and get better that is reasonable. There are potential medications I could try but they could leave me off worse and most don't have proof they could help me. I cannot bear to suffer more through experimenting with medications that could cause me to crash. I experience a long list of side effects from the aftermath of stopping Cymbalta that persist to this day. While I will continue to live as long as I can I will have things set up so that I may have a peaceful death when I no longer want to suffer. I am posting this for my own peace of mind I guess and to at least tell someone how I am truly feeling inside without the risk of being institutionalized.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds so horrible what you have to go through, it's just so cruel and dreadful how there's all this extreme suffering and it sounds like you've suffered so much in this torturous existence, I hope you find peace.

 

[itwillhappensoon]

I can relate to you In this post , I also haven't experienced joy or happiness and I also probably won't cry if my parents die , the only thing I think about right now is death , I hope things get better for you , I hope you find peace

 

[RunDown]

I have PSSD as well. I knew I would find someone else on this forum because it's that bad of an illness. My family doesn't understand it either. I feel so isolated and desperate. This disease is relentlessly continues to wear me down. I'm not ready to go yet, but like yourself, I want to be prepared for when the time comes. I want to go peacefully on my own terms. I hope you're doing alright and feel free to hit me back anytime.

 

[kaleisgreatinsalad]

I have PSSD as well. I knew I would find someone else on this forum because it's that bad of an illness. My family doesn't understand it either. I feel so isolated and desperate. This disease is relentlessly continues to wear me down. I'm not ready to go yet, but like yourself, I want to be prepared for when the time comes. I want to go peacefully on my own terms. I hope you're doing alright and feel free to hit me back anytime.

I am sorry to hear you have this as well my friend I have sent you a follow and I think if you follow me as well we can message each other. It would be good to speak with someone on here with pssd as well.

 

[kaleisgreatinsalad]

I have PSSD as well. I knew I would find someone else on this forum because it's that bad of an illness. My family doesn't understand it either. I feel so isolated and desperate. This disease is relentlessly continues to wear me down. I'm not ready to go yet, but like yourself, I want to be prepared for when the time comes. I want to go peacefully on my own terms. I hope you're doing alright and feel free to hit me back anytime.

It didn't work it says I cannot message you. Do you by chance know how the messaging system on here works?

 

[RunDown]

I am sorry to hear you have this as well my friend I have sent you a follow and I think if you follow me as well we can message each other. It would be good to speak with someone on here with pssd as well.

Thanks for the reply. I sent you a follow. I'm a new member so I can't view profiles or send messages unfortunately. I'm working on it though. How long have you had PSSD? I saw that you took cymbalta. I only took Effexor for seven days until I crashed and lost sexual function along with gaining horrible cognitive problems. I've made some improvements over the last year but I crash all the time and have gotten worse in a lot of ways too. I'm sure you know all about it. I had CFS before all this too so now I'm really struggling. I can't escape the health problems. I feel like I'm in the winter of my life and I'm trying to find some peace with it. Anyways, hope youre not having a bad day. Looking forward to hearing back from you.

 

[kaleisgreatinsalad]

Thanks for the reply. I sent you a follow. I'm a new member so I can't view profiles or send messages unfortunately. I'm working on it though. How long have you had PSSD? I saw that you took cymbalta. I only took Effexor for seven days until I crashed and lost sexual function along with gaining horrible cognitive problems. I've made some improvements over the last year but I crash all the time and have gotten worse in a lot of ways too. I'm sure you know all about it. I had CFS before all this too so now I'm really struggling. I can't escape the health problems. I feel like I'm in the winter of my life and I'm trying to find some peace with it. Anyways, hope youre not having a bad day. Looking forward to hearing back from you.

I have had PSSD for over a year now as well but yes I know about crashing and had my own crash in some ways over this time while I haven't noticed any meaningful improvements worth noting honestly. And sorry to hear that I honestly feel like I have chronic fatigue now with this condition. No matter how much I sleep I never feel like I have rested enough. But it's good you're trying to find some peace with this. I tried but seeing other people and my siblings live their best lives while I am stuck in this suffering is terrible. But I have had a decent day today for the most part. I hope you are doing alright as well. Sorry my post was so negative but I am sick of sugarcoating my feelings to others and I just need one outlet I can say how I am truly feeling. I think I plan on having things set up so that if I crash further or can no longer function in a way that is a least minimally tolerable I may have a peaceful end. It's terrible all of this and I am sorry you got it after such a short period of being on the medication. I would say you have a much better chance of recovery than me though. I have been on a variety of different antidepressants over six the last four years and Cymbalta is what ruined everything. But the other antidepressants weren't that good either. They caused me to have awful side effects and mental distress, unlike anything I have ever experienced.

 

[RunDown]

Hey man be as honest as you want. My life has been horrible the past ten years and now it's downright torture to be alive most days. I get a lot of the toxic positivity from my family. They think undying optimism is the secret to life. This tends to be the mindset of those privileged to have good health. They're full of unwanted advice too. As if a good diet and taking walks is going to correct brain damage. They make no attempt to understand what im going through. My existence makes them uncomfortable. I totally get where you're coming from. If I ever say anything like this to them they usually get aggressive and throw more platitudes and advice at me. They never validate my experience. It doesn't feel like they believe me, their own son who used to be so full of life. It's sad man. Life is cruel.

 

[kaleisgreatinsalad]

Hey man be as honest as you want. My life has been horrible the past ten years and now it's downright torture to be alive most days. I get a lot of the toxic positivity from my family. They think undying optimism is the secret to life. This tends to be the mindset of those privileged to have good health. They're full of unwanted advice too. As if a good diet and taking walks is going to correct brain damage. They make no attempt to understand what im going through. My existence makes them uncomfortable. I totally get where you're coming from. If I ever say anything like this to them they usually get aggressive and throw more platitudes and advice at me. They never validate my experience. It doesn't feel like they believe me, their own son who used to be so full of life. It's sad man. Life is cruel.

I relate to that in so many ways you have no idea. I told my mom all of this and she said the same thing. Go for walks, eat healthy, and have enough vitamins. All good things but none of that is going to fix as you said brain damage. I also have been diagnosed with SFN and drop things all the time because I cannot feel them. No one understands this besides someone who has it, my mom told me to give it time and it will heal. I know deep inside this is never going to heal on its own. I feel like I've had a lobotomy I cannot think of anything most of the time and my mind is blank. I lost all my passions and I find everything so boring and I don't know how to change this. My family doesn't care, I know others whose families are outraged and support them. Mine couldn't give less of a fuck of what I am going through. When I had withdrawn from Zoloft and I hadn't had PSSD yet my mom would get annoyed I was calling her to complain I was suffering with no sleep and felt like I was going crazy. My dad told me he goes without sleep most nights and is fine so why am I complaining.... Or that I have food and shelter so why do I keep saying I am suffering. My dad regularly makes fun of people on disability and I feel so mad at him. Some people are genuinely suffering and they have medical conditions that prevent them from working. While I don't have disability income I feel if things get worse I may need disability but I am doubtful I would get it. Maybe for the SFN I would have a chance but that's about it. I have good days and bad days but the bad days are so severe. If I can keep myself distracted I feel better but being around my family I cannot stand that well.