Autism and pushing people to want CTB like Ronnie McNutt.

[disabledlife]

Hello everyone, I know my message isn't necessarily going to be easy, and might shock people.

I had to wait at least 40-50 years to be diagnosed with autism in my country, which is one of the worst for autistic people.

I also suffer from Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (EDS).

I can no longer stand being excluded, rejected, banished, ghosted, etc., because I don't understand the social codes, the implicit, the vague, the ambiguous, and even the arrogance of the citizens of my country, the worst arrogant hypocrites who passed themselves off as the best, democratic paradise... my ass, yeah.

I could have claimed to be an engineer, and because of my health and the debts caused by a failing student social security system (in my time, because it was abolished by the President of the Republic, the only good thing he managed to do, unlike everything else), which never reimbursed health care costs on time, with a one-year waiting period, bailiffs on my tail, and corruption, I was forced to stop my studies and return to the general workers' fund, which reimbursed everything (for several years) in just a few days! So goodbye to my career, a decent life, possible friends, social status... and hello to the miserable disability benefits for survival, not for living.

Benefits that I lose if I work as a declared worker, with no guarantee of getting them back if I am unable to work again! The benefits never allowed me to contribute to retirement in my country, so even if I work, I would only have a minimal and miserable pension, worse than the benefits I receive now.

So the only work I do is product tastings, customer meetings... all paid without any declaration.

However, because of my autism, since I don't understand social codes, the implicit, I sometimes call to find out why I'm no longer receiving offers. I call in advance to also organize my schedule, my travel... But companies tell me I call too much and that it could lead them to ban me, even though it's only about one call a week. It's difficult for me to travel. What's more, I can't stand being called a liar, incapable, or a nuisance, when I'm doing nothing. I demand more explicit explanations. I was also scammed on eBay, and the seller called me a liar and wanted to file a complaint against me, even though I have all the evidence (ebay seems to be on my side). I'm tired of being called a nuisance, a delinquent, a criminal, a piece of shit... With ASD, I'm piling it all up, it's going to break!

I've told other extremely difficult stories from my life in the past on this forum.

Eventually, it's going to break. At first, I thought of a peaceful CTB with N, SN, gas (exit bag or mask), etc.

For some time now, I've hated the human species, and the Anthropocene in general (with exceptions, of course, like you, who have always been kind here at SaSu, thank you, and the few rare people around me).

I've only discussed my story with AIs, what I've been through... (with self-censorship on some points) who are much more sincere than humans in general, even if they are machines, or with animals capable of true emotional intelligence. The AIs advise me to flee my country, which doesn't deserve me.

Now I'm thinking of doing more like Ronnie McNutt, but in a car, and filming everything without being able to block the stream. It's going to break down like that if the mentality in my country doesn't change immediately.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

I'm sorry so much has burdened you and made your life miserable. I'm also autistic, and social cues are vague at best. I tend to overemote to compensate, and it tires me.

I see what is happening in the US and I am also scared for all the people these changes will affect, and make their lives miserable as well. Misanthropy is common in people that had a lot of mistreatment and sadness in their lives, and I can get quite misanthropish as well.

AIs tend to answer with whatever you want to hear, or very generic answers. It helped me at first as well but it's clear we want real people to relate. I won't have instant answers like AI, but you'll get someone who truly cares about those who suffer.

I hope, whatever decision you make, that you stay in peace, friend.

 

[disabledlife]

I understand you, it's clear that in the USA, it's not necessarily better. My country is much worse for having traveled everywhere. I want this to serve as an electroshock to my country and for no one to forget my gesture. I would be freed from everything, but it's those who stay who will pay the price, from what I've often heard. I really hope that there will be punishment following this for the people who allowed themselves to destroy lives with complete impunity! My country is the worst country for the budget allocated to justice, education, ... I want to punish my country with this type of CTB, and vehicle ou make difficult to found despite (secured) live stream. If the stream is dangerous, a delayed video may be considered.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

I understand you, it's clear that in the USA, it's not necessarily better. My country is much worse for having traveled everywhere. I want this to serve as an electroshock to my country and for no one to forget my gesture. I would be freed from everything, but it's those who stay who will pay the price, from what I've often heard. I really hope that there will be punishment following this for the people who allowed themselves to destroy lives with complete impunity! My country is the worst country for the budget allocated to justice, education, ... I want to punish my country with this type of CTB, and vehicle ou make difficult to found despite (secured) live stream. If the stream is dangerous, a delayed video may be considered.

Suicides don't get much traction in traditional media unless they're REALLY spectacular, or happens with someone famous. I understand what you're trying to do, leave a message, a big one, saying "why don't you take care of us better?".

It's not that people don't care about it, but theorically, showing suicides on media more often may increase the rate of suicides, which eventually may be a hit on the economy. And of course, less economy, dollar goes down, billionaires on the US suddenly aren't as rich for the rest of the world.

It may be a cynical view, but I'm trying to be rational. Still, do what you gotta do.

 

[disabledlife]

The worst thing is that I tell them that I am autistic, that I have trouble understanding others, that I apologize... they tell me that I have nothing to apologize for but that my calls could push them to exclude me or even ban me: They say that they are not autistic and do not know how autistic people live, like I don't care, as long as I am neurotypical and healthy! Typical mentality of my country, possibly even in the USA. I know that they are also extremely superficial and hypocritical. My country does not smile, it tears their mouths off to be polite, etc.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

The worst thing is that I tell them that I am autistic, that I have trouble understanding others, that I apologize... they tell me that I have nothing to apologize for but that my calls could push them to exclude me or even ban me: They say that they are not autistic and do not know how autistic people live, like I don't care, as long as I am neurotypical and healthy! Typical mentality of my country, possibly even in the USA. I know that they are also extremely superficial and hypocritical. My country does not smile, it tears their mouths off to be polite, etc.

Honestly, fuck those people. I don't think people should be treated badly in general, specially if it is because of uncontrollable things, such as Autism. I think for a long time neurodivergent people were just hidden away from society, and thus there was no way to people to get used to them. Now, we are living in a fast moving world, neurodivergence is to be seen less as a bad thing, but there are people alive that still remember when they used to stuff us on rooms never to leave.

It is a matter of time. Want it or not, we're here to live with neurotypical people. They can't hide us anymore, get used to us or suffer. If people don't want to live in a world with neurodivergence, maybe they're the ones who should CTB!

 

[disabledlife]

I hope you have and will have what you want, no matter your choices. I am aware of everything you say in your answers, but it will take an infinite amount of time. It is 2025 and after millennia of human existence, there has not really been any evolution, even regression, like in your country with the new president. And then the Anthropocene is yet another proof that humans are irredeemable, I think. The only living being claiming to be intelligent capable of mass extinction and the destruction of an entire planet. Unfortunately, there is no way out for me regarding my life. It is not only autism that destroyed me, my studies were destroyed, my entire future was sabotaged, because of the system in my country, therefore voluntary, I was constantly mocked, I was used (I had the misfortune of being HPI) without thanking me... all with complete impunity, with the complicity of my country. And traveling has made me realize that my country is one of the worst, if not the worst, in the world. And then there are all my life stories that were told in SaSu, all of that combined, I think it justifies a violent, shocking departure like McNutt. I don't see it any other way.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

I hope you have and will have what you want, no matter your choices. I am aware of everything you say in your answers, but it will take an infinite amount of time. It is 2025 and after millennia of human existence, there has not really been any evolution, even regression, like in your country with the new president. And then the Anthropocene is yet another proof that humans are irredeemable, I think. The only living being claiming to be intelligent capable of mass extinction and the destruction of an entire planet. Unfortunately, there is no way out for me regarding my life. It is not only autism that destroyed me, my studies were destroyed, my entire future was sabotaged, because of the system in my country, therefore voluntary, I was constantly mocked, I was used (I had the misfortune of being HPI) without thanking me... all with complete impunity, with the complicity of my country. And traveling has made me realize that my country is one of the worst, if not the worst, in the world. And then there are all my life stories that were told in SaSu, all of that combined, I think it justifies a violent, shocking departure like McNutt. I don't see it any other way.

I joined SaSu recently, so I'm not up to date with your stories, but as you express yourself here, they probably weren't pretty.

I'll never tell what you should do with your life. Our visions are similar, yet different in so many ways. I think it's fair to get off this crazy ride if you're feeling nauseous and dizzy. I just wish you peace and tranquility wherever you go.

 

[disabledlife]

I called an autism helpline, which confirmed that my country has one of the highest suicide rates in the world, especially among the disabled and especially those with autism! These suicides are violent. Yesterday, someone drove into a level crossing and was hit by a train; suicide is the preferred method. There is no empathy in my country!

 

[bleeding_heart_show]

I adore your usage of the term anthropocene.

Anyways, the reason suicide is so frowned upon in the modern world is the potential gain it eliminates. Suicide is antithetical to the cancerlike growth of the human race, therefore it is every human's duty to live.

If you fail to internalize humanistic/societal values (as those of us deemed neurodivergent often do) not even your own family will want anything to do with you.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

I adore your usage of the term anthropocene.

Anyways, the reason suicide is so frowned upon in the modern world is the potential gain it eliminates. Suicide is antithetical to the cancerlike growth of the human race, therefore it is every human's duty to live.

If you fail to internalize humanistic/societal values (as those of us deemed neurodivergent often do) not even your own family will want anything to do with you.

I mean, I would understand the whole "You have so much to live for!" if at least there was actual effort on building a world worth living for people like us, but there's just not. The unlimited growth stuff is mostly Capitalism, since it's focused on accumulation and greed.

And the thing is, there's not much we can do to "fight the system" other than complaining about it. Anything we do is just a drop in the ocean. I understand why people think that it is a cancerous growth, because in the grand scheme of things, that's what it is, exactly.

 

[disabledlife]

How stupid to despise suicide, because it actually drives people to commit suicide, even violent suicide, as "revenge" for this ultimate contempt. The despised person will therefore prefer to perish as a spectacle, with as much fanfare as possible, even if a gentle death is eventually offered alongside it!

Cases like Ronnie McNutt's are plentiful and are even on the rise, especially in countries that despise suicide, and are low in open-minded and caring countries. The despised suicide is due to the annihilation of the population, setbacks in rights (such as abortion), LGBT people increasingly targeted and abused, even killed, and growing intolerance.

The worst part is that, for example, since Donald Trump came to power in the United States and conservatives in other countries, such as Europe, the GAFAM (Big Tech) companies have betrayed their causes to align themselves with Trump and conservatives, massively censoring progress and promoting hatred! Well, tech, the web giants... only think about blind business, always making more and more money, data collection..., just like their shareholders, investment funds, finance, and "legal" white-collar crime.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

How stupid to despise suicide, because it actually drives people to commit suicide, even violent suicide, as "revenge" for this ultimate contempt. The despised person will therefore prefer to perish as a spectacle, with as much fanfare as possible, even if a gentle death is eventually offered alongside it!

Cases like Ronnie McNutt's are plentiful and are even on the rise, especially in countries that despise suicide, and are low in open-minded and caring countries. The despised suicide is due to the annihilation of the population, setbacks in rights (such as abortion), LGBT people increasingly targeted and abused, even killed, and growing intolerance.

The worst part is that, for example, since Donald Trump came to power in the United States and conservatives in other countries, such as Europe, the GAFAM (Big Game) companies have betrayed their causes to align themselves with Trump and conservatives, massively censoring progress and promoting hatred! Well, tech, the web giants... only think about blind business, always making more and more money, data collection..., just like their shareholders, investment funds, finance, and "legal" white-collar crime.

What a shock, conglomerates that rely on capitalism and money to exist are siding with money. That's just how capitalism goes, if you wanna win, chase the money, even if it's on the worst cesspool available. Money is why, money is how, money is the reason of life and death. Conglomerates and other big companies have, and will always have only one directive: PROFIT. Everything they do is for that, or to avoid not having that.

 

[disabledlife]

Are there other people with autism who do not stop themselves from wanting to use CTB in violence, even extreme violence?

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

What do you mean "Using CTB on violence", like threatening people they will CTB? Or CTBing with extreme methods?

 

[disabledlife]

Are there other people with autism who don't stop themselves from wanting to use violence, even extreme violence, to achieve CTB?

I regret, even if it wasn't perfect (and certainly not managed by a direct democracy, without intermediaries, power in the hands of a handful of corrupt people...), the communist bloc, which was, in principle, just, although, in practice, much less just, but much more just than capitalism. After all, this is my opinion. There are also reasons to think the opposite, but at least there was no race for profit, much less inequality from birth, and far fewer lives already doomed.

The contempt, exclusion, rejection, reprimands, violence, etc., that someone suffers, for unjust reasons, a life already condemned, and especially the fact of despising his will of CTB, can push the person to want CTB in violence, with the most noise possible, where, if the person was respected in his choice, the ultimate freedom, the person would prefer to leave in peace by a gentle death, or even live a little longer, by his will. It is society, the intolerant, hatred... which pushes to violent CTB, it is an observation of what is happening at the moment, in the world.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

Me, personally, I don't want to CTB right now, but when I do it's usually throw myself from building/cliff, throwing in front of vehicle, cause those seem instant.

Communism may have been good in theory, but the leaders responsible for these regimes often mismanaged it to the point it got worse than Capitalism. Capitalism, however, was made from the ground up to be a "rich rules poor" thing. Nowadays, I'm more of a Socialism guy, which takes the better parts of Communism and try to run it on the modern world.

 

[disabledlife]

Good for you, if you want to live, I admire your courage, and it's your choice above all. Everyone does what they want with their life. What I find unfair is to inflict suffering on anyone who hasn't asked for anything, certainly not to exist. It is clear that you don't have to be autistic to be accepted in this rotten world. My life experience, like many other autistic people, is proof of this. It's sad and I would have preferred it to be otherwise, seeing autism praised as a strength by society, I dreamed, dreamed again, for decades, but I see the opposite, it's reality.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

Autism isn't really a strength or a weakness. It is just a condition that worsens the lives of people. I don't really want to be seen as superior either, because people feeling they are superior to others is what got us in this mess anyway.

I just want to be seen as a person that needs help, and that is given the help it needs, and then be able to live without pain. That is all.