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Namelesa

Namelesa

Trapped in this Suffering
Sep 21, 2024
276
How was your holiday?

I actually can't stand helping her with that especially now it's only 6 PM but I could go to bed right now lol and she's on her after dinner nap so I have no idea how long that will be.
254
253 not really okay. This has probably been the first Christmas that I been mostly negative on. I didn't know what presents I wanted this year so I got some stuff that felt is useless to me. I have sh twice today and I feel like I less belong with my family than ever before. At least the dinner and pudding was good but I would prefer to eat on my own. Sadly I have to go with the family members I live to my brothers place tomorrow so I will probably not be looking forward to that.
 
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ma0

ma0

How did I get here?
Dec 20, 2024
62
254 - If we're on the topic of christmas then literally nothing happened today. I don't really get presents cuz most of my family are jewish but it spares me from the forced interaction so there's that.
 
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N

NoPoint2Life

Why is this so hard?
Aug 31, 2024
446
Sorry it was shitty :(
Are you and your brother close?

Misery loves company. I won't be a happy camper tomorrow as I have to spend a good chunk of time keeping my mom company at the hospital while she has a test.

252
254 - If we're on the topic of christmas then literally nothing happened today. I don't really get presents cuz most of my family are jewish but it spares me from the forced interaction so there's that.
I know what you mean it took so much effort to get through today's meal. Like namelesa said I'd prefer to eat alone. Hell I'd prefer to eat every meal alone if I could.
 
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Namelesa

Namelesa

Trapped in this Suffering
Sep 21, 2024
276
I don't really care about my brother as he doesn't really understand me and can get angry sometimes. He was moved out and we only interact with each other once a week to play rain world with me. I also have a sister thats moved out and don't care about her for the same reasons as him. I am only close to the sister that still lives with us as she is autistic, trans and has mental illness like me but I sometimes resent her for stopping my ctb attempts.

251
 
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N

NoPoint2Life

Why is this so hard?
Aug 31, 2024
446
Whoa
So four siblings and one of them has the exact same traits as you? And then she stopped you from trying to ctb? I would think she would at least understand even if she doesn't feel the exact same way.
Rough situation. I am glad I'm an only child, but especially at my age everything falls on me.
248
 
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Namelesa

Namelesa

Trapped in this Suffering
Sep 21, 2024
276
She doesn't think I should die yet cus she says I have potential with my game development and I could maybe get better. I can see a way of that happening but its a very slim chance as that my plan would be to live with my best friend but I can't even physically see him yet cus of our parents' restrictions. I just feel like it would be better to die so I don't have to feel empty, exhaustion, overwhelment, burnout, fear or other mental pain anymore.

I am sorry that you have had the forced responsibility to look after your mum.

247
 
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N

NoPoint2Life

Why is this so hard?
Aug 31, 2024
446
I get ya.
I've noticed you mentioned the game development quite a few times. Honestly, I think you are lucky to have a hobby You enjoy so much and a goal for it too.

Sounds like your parents were really strict. Must be terribly difficult. Any idea when they will ease up a little on the restrictions?
246
 
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Namelesa

Namelesa

Trapped in this Suffering
Sep 21, 2024
276
If I was to live my "perfect" life then I would want to make the games I want to make before I ctb. I can enjoy and be passionate about it sometimes but can sometimes be burned out on it.

My parents restrict me cus of me being suicidal and that they don't trust me with travelling outside as I haven't got the chance to experience going on buses or trains to go to further away places on my own. I do think they treat me too much like a child (this is probably somewhat true as I have been described as being mentally younger) that can't go to places on their own but I feel like I could do it on my own

245
 
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N

NoPoint2Life

Why is this so hard?
Aug 31, 2024
446
If I was to live my "perfect" life then I would want to make the games I want to make before I ctb. I can enjoy and be passionate about it sometimes but can sometimes be burned out on it.

My parents restrict me cus of me being suicidal and that they don't trust me with travelling outside as I haven't got the chance to experience going on buses or trains to go to further away places on my own. I do think they treat me too much like a child (this is probably somewhat true as I have been described as being mentally younger) that can't go to places on their own but I feel like I could do it on my own

245
I act mentally younger too. I've never felt like a real adult.

I hope you get the chance to try stuff out on your own. Live and learn, right?242
 
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Namelesa

Namelesa

Trapped in this Suffering
Sep 21, 2024
276
241 thankful this site has kept me a bit sane and has lessen feelings of emptiness. I have been more productive with my game as I feel better about working on it while interacting with this site.
 
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N

NoPoint2Life

Why is this so hard?
Aug 31, 2024
446
241 thankful this site has kept me a bit sane and has lessen feelings of emptiness. I have been more productive with my game as I feel better about working on it while interacting with this site.
Seriously though I have always kind of wondered how you get any work done on your game when you are always on Sasu especially with this game lol

I think we are driving the others away with our deep conversation

240
 
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Namelesa

Namelesa

Trapped in this Suffering
Sep 21, 2024
276
239 I can just do a little thing on it then go back to SaSu then back to game development. Also there are some periods of time that I don't feel interested with interacting with any particular thread at the moment and sometimes this counting game has no activity for a bit so I get longer periods of work done then.
 
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N

NoPoint2Life

Why is this so hard?
Aug 31, 2024
446
I meant to add before I wish I had anything I was passionate about. I am so boring.
Best of luck in your game!
238
 
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Namelesa

Namelesa

Trapped in this Suffering
Sep 21, 2024
276
I mostly got into it cus of playing games with level creation which lead to my sister introducing me to a game engine and I have just learned from them. I have then thought of game ideas for different genres that I wanted to make. Some people have called me creative with some of the ideas I have. Thank you for the luck <3
237
 
N

NoPoint2Life

Why is this so hard?
Aug 31, 2024
446
You definitely sound creative. Again, another trait I wish I had. I feel like I have no creativity in me at all. Even when I was a kid, I never knew what to draw lol it was always the same old thing

236
 
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Namelesa

Namelesa

Trapped in this Suffering
Sep 21, 2024
276
Thank you <3 I am sorry that you feel like you are boring. To me with the interactions I had with you, I would say you are not boring. Creativity I think is a trait you can improve tho. I would say I wasn't as creative as a child as I just draw characters and things from other media and the stories that I did with my plushies were often just made of idea from plushie youtube videos. I would say I am more creative now as I feel like I can create new things instead of stealing ideas from other stuff.
233
 
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N

NoPoint2Life

Why is this so hard?
Aug 31, 2024
446
My mom is finally awake so let the fun begin!

See you tomorrow probably lol

232
 
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EternalShore

EternalShore

Hardworking Lass who Dreams of Love~ 💕✨
Jun 9, 2023
1,039
226
oooo~ I tend to act and look a bit younger too as well! :) not sure if you could tell but yeah! hehe~ :3
I'm sorry to hear that your parents don't let you travel anywhere tho, Namelesa~ even tho you're literally an adult now! >_< so cruel and restrictive! :(
 
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