Help Can't find info to make a gameplan to CTB here with the resources available to me. Plz help?

[Exitwings]

Hi. I'm housebound, partially bedbound, and severely chronically ill and disabled.

I can't do anything that would require an iron will, be painful, or is difficult physically (like deal with gas tanks). I can't inject (not dexterous or coordinated enough).

I also have very limited money.

I already failed one attempt: I took about 20 benadryl. It wasn't well thought out. No lasting effects as far as I can tell. (It was supposed to be 50, blah blah blah, etc.)

I want fent but the capchas are too difficult, and I think the markets aren't selling anyway? And I don't know what to do.

Things available to me:

• almost total isolation including no one checking my mail
• a ridiculous amount of tizanidine (over 600 pills) (4mg each)
• 120 tramadol pills a month (I'm supposed to take 4 a day. I've been trying to take 3 a day but lately my back hurts too much, and that's what these work on) (50mg each)
• 60 Adderall a month (20mg each)
• anything over-the-counter from Amazon
• caffeine tablets
• like 10 valium tablets (5mg)
• some alcohol. very little vodka and liquor.
• motion sickness tablets
• a neurologist who might be swayed to prescribe some things if I'm careful about asking. I can definitely convince him to give me more muscle relaxers, since that's what he's currently trying to give me for my severe muscle pain. He just wrote a prescription for me for my long term acid reflux meds because my GI couldn't see me over telehealth because policy bs, so I think I could ask him for an anti-enemic as I have a history of vomiting and a (technically true) story I was gonna give my GI.... But I really really don't think I can risk asking for stronger painkillers. At best I might be able to ask about morphine but also I'm a shit liar.

SN looks too painful, if I could even afford/acquire some.
My preferred method would be fent. My opioid tolerance is... weird, tbh, but I'm sure that that (or carfent but like be realistic lol) would do it best. Unfortunately the darkweb is too difficult for my literally damaged brain to transverse (the capchas are legit too difficult) and I don't think they're selling fent anyway tbh??

I don't know what to do.
The only idea I have is OD on tiz + tram + valium + alcohol, but I can't find info on that mix. There's very very few cases of non-recovery of just tiz (one was tiz + alcohol but would only give blood volume and idk how to calculate mg from that)

TL;DR questions:

• How do I calculate mg dosage of case studies when they give blood volume amount?
• I'm desperately limited here, can I mix tizanidine and tramadol (with a little valium and alcohol and motion sickness tablets) for a possible peaceful CTB? I don't want you to make a judgment call on how likely or unlikely, just is it possible or not.
• Is there anything I could get from Amazon / internet (legally) or maybe convince my doctor to prescribe?

I have been lurking for a bit but unfortunately my situation is so limited I think I needed to make a post. I've read the resources and methods megathreads, and all the PPeHs except 2023's. I just can't find anything that would actually work for me in this situation.
Thank you for reading.

 

[Exitwings]

bump, if that's allowed?

the only info I can find has this measurement:

Tizanidine was measured at a very high concentration of 1.0 mg/L (therapeutic level <0.025 mg/L).

 

[AnonymousL]

bump, if that's allowed?

the only info I can find has this measurement:

I paid 20€ for my SN. It's cheap and the % is good. I tested it.

 

[Darkover]

tizanidine LD50 information

Oral LD50 (rat): 414 mg/kg; Oral LD50 (mouse): 235 mg/kg
the LD50 value for Tramadol is about 300-350 mg kg-1 body weight in animal models.

 

[Exitwings]

tizanidine LD50 information

Oral LD50 (rat): 414 mg/kg; Oral LD50 (mouse): 235 mg/kg
the LD50 value for Tramadol is about 300-350 mg kg-1 body weight in animal models.

thank you that's useful information ^_^

Unfortunately whoa are those numbers bad for my purposes. Does anyone know how I could look up information about interactions and mixes of the drugs I have available?
I mean, I already checked interaction websites, but I need more indepth info. So far it seems that caffeine causes tizanidine to be more potent, and alcohol increases chance of cns depression.

I still need a way to calculate dosage from mg/L of blood (from scientific papers cases). I know there's variables about how much actually got processed but a range would still help.

 

[Exitwings]

I paid 20€ for my SN. It's cheap and the % is good. I tested it.

1- I'm in USA, more difficult to find and more expensive. 2- It looks too painful for me?

I'm gonna try to make a telehealth app with doctor for anti-enemic and possibly any kind of painkiller (idek I'm just gonna tell him I'm in a ton of pain, mention morphine, see what happens I guess.) (Hard to make an app when headache and phone is only option x_x )

Anyone know any prescribable fent-like meds that I could maybe bring up without too much suspicion? Considering my history (and this doctor) he's not gonna call me a drugseeker, but still.

 

[Exitwings]

Okay doctor sent in prescription for an anti-enemic (idk which) and another muscle relaxer (also don't know which).

Also I found an old bottle of Methocarbomal but it seems even less likely to work than tiz.

99brand seems like my best bet for alcohol; it's strong and genuinely tastes like not alcohol, but it burns a lot so I'm not sure how much I can drink. Does anyone have a guess for a minimum ml of 99 proof (49.5%) alcohol to take with a drug combo? 50ml? I know the answer is as much as possible but... yeah.

Still really limited and screwed here and could use any help. I think I have PMs open now?

 

[LastLoveLetter]

Bumping this thread because I'm in a very similar situation. Physically disabled, housebound (and often bedridden), lacking in finances.

I'm considering ctb by train at nighttime. I know where to go on the tracks, what train routes are quiet to minimise number of people involved etc and could arrange transport so only a short walking time.

But it's truly a last resort, not my preferred method at all due to my physical difficulties (it would still be challenging logistically as a result) and the fact I don't want to involve others. Can't acquire N or SN here. Unable to deal with methods that require physical strength or dexterity as I'm partially paralysed.

Just completely lost, utterly stuck and increasingly desperate. Suicide is already difficult. When there are additional obstacles stacked against you such as disability, ailing health and limited income, escape feels unbearably unattainable.

I don't have advice because also in a similar position, just wanted to express my empathy. I'm sorry you're in this situation.

 

[Exitwings]

Dammit, sensory issues are going to be a problem for the alcohol.

Does anyone have any tips for consuming enough alcohol in a way that would mask the burn?

 

[Exitwings]

You wouldn't believe how much difficulty I'm having getting alcohol to my apartment x_x

 

[Exitwings]

Okay, say I have access to alcohol, Ondansetron, and a ton of tizanidine.
Assuming I'll take the anti-emetic in advance, does anyone have any idea how I could calculate the minimum amount of tizanidine and alcohol/BAC I need to combine to CTB?

I might also add caffeine tablets, as caffeine can increase the effects of tizanidine when taken together. (From info online and personal experience. I made the mistake of combining them and it definitely did something lol.)

 

[Exitwings]

bumping because I don't want to make a new thread right now

Anyway the tiz didn't work and sucked lol

Mostly still the same things available to me:

• almost total isolation in a single unit in a two family house with my own entrance and no one caring about the contents of my mail; although there's a chance of them seeing outside of packages and small chance of them seeing contents if the packaging gets rained on or otherwise opened by environmental shit
• ondansetron
• anything on Amazon
• alcohol (got a big bottle of everclear)
• a doctor that's easy to get prescriptions from as long as they're within reason and I can give a good reason for wanting (so no opiods, but I'm probably gonna ask for benzos soon either for anxiety or insomnia)
• pill grinders + blender

Problems:

• can't do anything painful or would take an iron will
• can't do anything physically difficult (like fiddling with gas tanks)
• very very difficult and painful to leave house
• can't inject anything

My preference is still fent or fent-adjacent. Darkweb is ... confusing.