Choosing to kill myself at 30 has finally given me peace

[FireFox]

I am 27 and I plan to kill myself when I turn 30. I can't explain it but everyday when I wake up I feel like I do not belong here in this world and I am just a defect in Gods or the universes creation ( whatever you believe in). I really wanted to live and be happy and tried to so hard to make it happen. Life was never for me I see it now more and more as I grow older. I have been suicidal since 21 years old and was deeply unhappy as a teenager.

My 20s has been a cycle of failures, heartbreak, confusion and just failing to find my true place in the world. I don't want to live to see another decade anymore.

I do not want to spend my 30s still single and being unsuccessful with men. Right now I am just so lonely everyone I have grown up with his now married while men keep rejecting me. No matter how much effort I make to show the man how much I really like him men still turn around and say I am not enough for them or it's another woman they want. No one ever wants me. All my life men have rejected me even my own father didn't want me.

I do everything by myself going to places and doing activities since I have no one to do it with.

The last guy rejecting me rejection of me has driven me over the edge because I invested a lot of time in trying to build a relationship with him, genuinely cared for him and really wanted to everything about him but still he believed i was not good enough for him. I talk to the guys in my university class and i can't click with them and they don't click with me either. Honestly this is why I can't over the the stoner guy . The stoner guy and i we had the most fun conversations ever but guys at university it's not like that. I feel like I am never going to meet anyone fun like him ever. It's hurts so much because I really wanted him so much and we clicked with each other in someways. This guy didn't even respect me and had toxic traits but still I miss him so much. The loneliness I feel at university intensifies these feelings I have for him.

There is no one for me in this world. All I ever wanted was to be loved by man like other women have.

I am just tired of life generally. I know 100% if my life didn't go wrong in 2023 I wouldn't be contemplating suicide right now. For me I will only find peace when I kill myself, I realise that now.

 

[Ozzyno]

I am 26 and will kill myself in march/april (depends on which month I will finish pay off my house debt) for the same reason.

I cannot trust anyone anymore. Words mean nothing to me, I find myself being a lot more silent with new people I meet.

I hope you will find someone in the next 3 years before you will do that.

 

[treestumpbootsneo]

I'm sorry that this has happened to you.
I was also single until 27, but the girl I married is abusive so there you go, sometimes even if it works out it doesn't work out

 

[antonhylion]

I am 27 and I plan to kill myself when I turn 30. I can't explain it but everyday when I wake up I feel like I do not belong here in this world and I am just a defect in Gods or the universes creation ( whatever you believe in). I really wanted to live and be happy and tried to so hard to make it happen. Life was never for me I see it now more and more as I grow older. I have been suicidal since 21 years old and was deeply unhappy as a teenager.

My 20s has been a cycle of failures, heartbreak, confusion and just failing to find my true place in the world. I don't want to live to see another decade anymore.

I do not want to spend my 30s still single and being unsuccessful with men. Right now I am just so lonely everyone I have grown up with his now married while men keep rejecting me. No matter how much effort I make to show the man how much I really like him men still turn around and say I am not enough for them or it's another woman they want. No one ever wants me. All my life men have rejected me even my own father didn't want me.

I do everything by myself going to places and doing activities since I have no one to do it with.

The last guy rejecting me rejection of me has driven me over the edge because I invested a lot of time in trying to build a relationship with him, genuinely cared for him and really wanted to everything about him but still he believed i was not good enough for him. I talk to the guys in my university class and i can't click with them and they don't click with me either. Honestly this is why I can't over the the stoner guy . The stoner guy and i we had the most fun conversations ever but guys at university it's not like that. I feel like I am never going to meet anyone fun like him ever. It's hurts so much because I really wanted him so much and we clicked with each other in someways. This guy didn't even respect me and had toxic traits but still I miss him so much. The loneliness I feel at university intensifies these feelings I have for him.

There is no one for me in this world. All I ever wanted was to be loved by man like other women have.

I am just tired of life generally. I know 100% if my life didn't go wrong in 2023 I wouldn't be contemplating suicide right now. For me I will only find peace when I kill myself, I realise that now.

You gonna kill yourself because of man?

Theres plenty good man out there. Looks doesnt mean the right man will value more.

And you're on university you should focus on other things.

 

[treestumpbootsneo]

Confirmed, I'd take a girl who was just nice any day over a supermodel

 

[bonbon]

Hi, I'm sorry for what happened to you, I have felt this same thing too.
I'm almost 26 years old (which I will be on December 14). and I will commit suicide in December 2025 approximately because I have suffered slander and insults against me, but, it is not a stupid detail, but, also my life is over because of historical harassment against me. Therapy is not feasible, because if the public health does not give you health insurance, they do not give you therapeutic help. I also have self-destructive behaviors since 2020/2021.
But if you want, I can help you with this. And don't kill yourself over some guy, if you want, we can be best friends and talk every day, if you like.
Hugs.

 

[RosebyAnyName]

I've also planned on CtB at thirty if things don't get better for me by then. My aspirations are more financial in nature, but include forming meaningful relationships. If I can't hit my financial / relationship goals by 30, I'm going to CtB. Sorry that you also feel this way. I've found putting a "deadline" on myself like this has been stressful, but it really wasn't something I "decided." I just started as an idea that stuck, since it's not like I had any other aspirations I could possibly try to achieve after 30 anyways. It just seemed like the natural conclusion.

 

[ChaiTea]

i hope your journey is peaceful and your last three years are in your favor. talk to me if you want to vent. i understand the feeling of need for a mans validation and yet feeling disgusted with yourself from it.

wishing you luck <3

 

[FireFox]

You gonna kill yourself because of man?

Theres plenty good man out there. Looks doesnt mean the right man will value more.

And you're on university you should focus on other things.

@treestumpbootsneo I can NOT win anymore what the fuck do modern men want ???? Men are impossible to please. I put myself out there, give all the men the time in the world and show them how much I really care about but everytime it gets thrown back at me

Every time I ask a man out they dump me at the last minute. I can't win anymore when comes to men. I make all the fucking effort, take a geniuene interest in the things the man likes and remember everything the man tells me about himself but men never do the same for me.

I am so sick and tired of always being the woman who never gets chosen while everyone else is getting picked, having weddings and life together.

All my life I have ever known is male rejection. Mentally, spiritually and emotionally it has broken me. I can't cope anymore.

I've also planned on CtB at thirty if things don't get better for me by then. My aspirations are more financial in nature, but include forming meaningful relationships. If I can't hit my financial / relationship goals by 30, I'm going to CtB. Sorry that you also feel this way. I've found putting a "deadline" on myself like this has been stressful, but it really wasn't something I "decided." I just started as an idea that stuck, since it's not like I had any other aspirations I could possibly try to achieve after 30 anyways. It just seemed like the natural conclusion.

@RosebyAnyName Setting date to kill myself gives me control. If I can't control how I live I can choose how to die and when I die. For me I see suicide as control and preventing myself from living a life of disappoints

I have spent my teenage years being deeply unhappy, my early 20s being suicidal and dealing with anoxeria and only when I reached 25 years for a short time I stopped being suicidal because my life was beginning to get to better. I had the most amazing holiday in Venice where I truly found myself and felt so alive like never before and then coming back from travelling I have the strongest interview performance ever and got the job. I fell in love with an older man his 50s because he waa the first guy to notice and give me attention while guys my own age always ignored me and never wanted to know me I thought he was a nice guy but he turned out to be two faced man who really caused me lot of pain with his lying and gaslighting while portraying himself to be the "nice guy". I am deeply nostalgic for 2022 because it really was the best year of my life and I wish I could travel back in time and stay in the Autumn and winter of 2022 because it was a magical period of my life. Autumn I was in Venice exploring attractions, riding the waterbus and water taxi to get to A to B, I had a holiday apartment with a beatuiful balcony view of the Lagoon and I was beginning to feel ready about what I wanted in life which was to study a law masters and then become a lawyer afterwards. Winter it was snowing in London and on my lunch break I played in the snow.

I was riding at all time high in my life until everything went wrong last year : forced to see horrible relatives overseas and also got stranded aboard, got heartbroken, kept failing at work which caused me to lose my job, everything good I had planned for the year ended up not happening and simple things I was good at I was failing at. I really cared about that man, gave all my attention to him and he treated me as if I was nothing.

Only meeting the stoner guy I got over the old man. The stoner guy is such a cool guy. We bonded over travel, CBD, we both had the most interesting conversations

I really wanted him, he was the guy of my dreams. I never going to meet anyone better than him. After his rejection I actually feel like the unluckiest woman in the world.

I finally can't cope anymore

 

[treestumpbootsneo]

I understand, I also had bad luck with girls in my 20s, I went on probably hundreds of first dates, just ghosted afterwards. I know it's no comfort because of the way you're feeling now, but you are still extremely young, and the good news is as a girl it will be easier for you than most guys.

 

[FireFox]

Confirmed, I'd take a girl who was just nice any day over a supermodel

@treestumpbootsneo Throughout my life I have always been nice to ALL the men i really loved and wanted but still the guys treated me with no respect and no care about my feelings.

In my teens while the girls at school were having boys noticing them and having boyfriends the boys at school builled me. I had the confidence to talk to boys, contributed a lot to class discussions, spoke in school assemblies, stood up for myself against builles but still the boys thought I was a weird.

I even experienced boys pretending to like me as a cruel "joke" or "dare" for their friends.

The last boy I feel in love with at school I loved him because I thought he was different from all the boys at school. We used talk a lot in the sixth form common room during break then people in the school started to gossip about us then he started to push me away but I couldn't understand why.It turned out he was like everyone else in the school who was thought I was the werid girl and didn't want to be associated with me. He humiliated me at school too.

The arsehole lied to me about being gay so I will no longer be interested in him anymore. Worst of all he got his friends in the school to assist him and because I believed it he was finding it hilarious and laughing at me behind my back. When it came out publicly he lied people in the school found it funny I was so upset.

Every guys just sees me as a friend or a work colleague or a student but NEVER ever anything else.

I really believe I was born to be unloved

 

[EvisceratedJester]

the good news is as a girl it will be easier for you than most guys.

Being a woman doesn't make finding a partner any easier. In a way, you are kind of just invalidating her issues by implying that she has it easier than men when it comes to this issue.

 

[divinemistress36]

Being a woman doesn't make finding a partner any easier. In a way, you are kind of just invalidating her issues by implying that she has it easier than men when it comes to this issue.

Thats true a lot of guys just act interested in a woman to get in her pants

 

[antonhylion]

I mean this new generation are a bit lost. But you have to love yourself first, then wait till the right man. I know that beauty means a lot for woman, but Im sure that you can find someone that genuine loves you.

All the man you met will regret, its a matter of time, so try to focus more in yourself.

 

[bonbon]

If you want, we can talk for a while, before you leave. because, I would like to talk to friends, and have better friends here.