Venting close friends accepted i'm going to ctb and i don't know how to react

[waistcoat]

hi,

due to unforeseen circumstances, a handful of my super close friends (virtually inseparable), who, for all intents and purposes, are completely mentally healthy, found out about my plan to ctb.

there were obviously questions, concerns, and attempts to convince me not to, however, after explaining my reasons (specifically, the trauma and abuse i have faced since childhood), they slowly began to not only accept, but understand.

i don't know how to respond.
i'm not sure if i even can.

i feel both relieved that they will truly understand my reasons, but also, lost?

i guess it made it all real.
real that i was abused.
real that i have suffered.
real that i will be gone soon enough.

has anyone had similar experiences?

 

[Rev346]

Gives them hugs. It must be nice to have good friends like that.

 

[iDesireDeath]

hi,

due to unforeseen circumstances, a handful of my super close friends (virtually inseparable), who, for all intents and purposes, are completely mentally healthy, found out about my plan to ctb.

there were obviously questions, concerns, and attempts to convince me not to, however, after explaining my reasons (specifically, the trauma and abuse i have faced since childhood), they slowly began to not only accept, but understand.

i don't know how to respond.
i'm not sure if i even can.

i feel both relieved that they will truly understand my reasons, but also, lost?

i guess it made it all real.
real that i was abused.
real that i have suffered.
real that i will be gone soon enough.

has anyone had similar experiences?

if you feel like you "fucked up", let me assure you that we all do, humans fuck up, it is perfectly normal

 

[waistcoat]

Gives them hugs. It must be nice to have good friends like that.

haha, i'll make sure to. they are incredible.

if you feel like you "fucked up", let me assure you that we all do, humans fuck up, it is perfectly normal

i'm not sure i feel i fucked up, i'm just not entirely sure how to process the fact that these emotions have now been 'justified' by multiple other people who are not planning on ctb'ing themselves.

 

[iDesireDeath]

haha, i'll make sure to. they are incredible.


i'm not sure i feel i fucked up, i'm just not entirely sure how to process the fact that these emotions have now been 'justified' by multiple other people who are not planning on ctb'ing themselves.

~Ooh, child, things are gonna get easier~
~Ooh, child, things will get brighter~

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

My BF understands why I want to cbt. I said "Good you won't be shocked finding my body then"

 

[Death is my goal]

just ctb, don't make it more complex

 

[waistcoat]

just ctb, don't make it more complex

lol you're so real for this, love the energy

 

[DorkyFox]

The crazy thing is, all if not most of us don't even want to CTB in the first place. If there was a better way, a way to un-fudge everything we absolutely would, but suicide is often felt like the ONLY option to end suffering which quite honestly sucks :P

 

[waistcoat]

The crazy thing is, all if not most of us don't even want to CTB in the first place. If there was a better way, a way to un-fudge everything we absolutely would, but suicide is often felt like the ONLY option to end suffering which quite honestly sucks :P

heh, yeah. if i could fix everything in my life, i would in a heart beat. issue is, that's... not possible, from a scientific standpoint even. DID fucking suck, esp along with the plethora of other (mental and physical) health conditions i have.

 

[DorkyFox]

heh, yeah. if i could fix everything in my life, i would in a heart beat. issue is, that's... not possible, from a scientific standpoint even. DID fucking suck, esp along with the plethora of other (mental and physical) health conditions i have.

Honestly I completely feel you, just by the way you talk I know you would. Definitely in the same boat. Would of been amazing just to have a rewind button to make sure crap don't happen. If only the world we lived in was more caring and considerate, there may even be cures for all these things.. but nah we live in the world that wants to blow each other up and lock those away who try to end it themselves o.O

 

[waistcoat]

Honestly I completely feel you, just by the way you talk I know you would. Definitely in the same boat. Would of been amazing just to have a rewind button to make sure crap don't happen. If only the world we lived in was more caring and considerate, there may even be cures for all these things.. but nah we live in the world that wants to blow each other up and lock those away who try to end it themselves o.O

haha thank you for acknowledging that i try ~ a lot of people around me don't. i do wish we lived in a better world. maybe in a different life i could've been the person that makes the world better for people like us... but that's not this life.

 

[TheHolySword]

I wish I could have this experience. I just don't want to have this conversation with anyone, I know none would accept it. I'm so glad you have such understanding and loving friends. Wishing you all the best! I hope you find your peace

 

[waistcoat]

I wish I could have this experience. I just don't want to have this conversation with anyone, I know none would accept it. I'm so glad you have such understanding and loving friends. Wishing you all the best! I hope you find your peace

honestly, it was very much by accident lol.
i made the mistake of having push notifications for the website turned on on my laptop and was showing some friends something when someone liked a post... they saw the site name and forced me to talk. that was the first time i'd actually opened up about my struggles to anyone irl other than a therapist lol, so you can imagine their shock.

thankfully they don't know my username, and they have all assured me they won't go looking either (which i trust them on, hence why i feel safe talking about it)

 

[DorkyFox]

haha thank you for acknowledging that i try ~ a lot of people around me don't. i do wish we lived in a better world. maybe in a different life i could've been the person that makes the world better for people like us... but that's not this life.

No need to thank me, whelp I feel like a lot of people should. Some have a misconception about how suicidal thoughts go haha. Same here! world needs be more understanding. I keep wishing for a miracle to happen for this world but still awaiting that to happen

 

[waistcoat]

No need to thank me, whelp I feel like a lot of people should. Some have a misconception about how suicidal thoughts go haha. Same here! world needs be more understanding. I keep wishing for a miracle to happen for this world but still awaiting that to happen

could really use a few miracles rn tbh lol

 

[DorkyFox]

could really use a few miracles rn tbh lol

Oh yeah, today, tomorrow, this week would be amazing lol

 

[TragedyBornCrimson]

Having people that accept it like that is rare

 

[waistcoat]

Having people that accept it like that is rare

yeah ~ it caught me very much off guard tbh, but i'm thankful

 

[SteamaHorns]

I think I'm feeling just as confused as you just from reading the story of your post. Damn.

 

[waistcoat]

I think I'm feeling just as confused as you just from reading the story of your post. Damn.

XD yea sjsjdhd

 

[avalokitesvara]

I think secretly we want people, if they were to know our plan, to beg us to stay, to say they love us so much they would go mad if we were to die, that they'd do anything and dedicate all their powers to saving us. Any reaction less than that is a let-down.
On the other hand I do long for a friend with whom I could calmly explain my reasons and have them compassionately understand and accept.
At the end of the day it is a lonely act which goes beyond social connections, whether they are good or bad.

 

[waistcoat]

I think secretly we want people, if they were to know our plan, to beg us to stay, to say they love us so much they would go mad if we were to die, that they'd do anything and dedicate all their powers to saving us. Any reaction less than that is a let-down.
On the other hand I do long for a friend with whom I could calmly explain my reasons and have them compassionately understand and accept.
At the end of the day it is a lonely act which goes beyond social connections, whether they are good or bad.

i think u hit the nail on the head there w that

 

[DorkyFox]

I think secretly we want people, if they were to know our plan, to beg us to stay, to say they love us so much they would go mad if we were to die, that they'd do anything and dedicate all their powers to saving us. Any reaction less than that is a let-down.
On the other hand I do long for a friend with whom I could calmly explain my reasons and have them compassionately understand and accept.
At the end of the day it is a lonely act which goes beyond social connections, whether they are good or bad.

That's completely right, its kind of a double edged sword

 

[waistcoat]

That's completely right, its kind of a double edged sword

sigh, it really is x-x

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

Be careful with that. I had friends in real life say they accepted it, no they didn't. One of them did a police welfare check on me because I didn't receive a TEXT (not phone call, TEXT) from them. Don't always be fooled into thinking they will actually accept it.

 

[waistcoat]

Be careful with that. I had friends in real life say they accepted it, no they didn't. One of them did a police welfare check on me because I didn't receive a TEXT (not phone call, TEXT) from them. Don't always be fooled into thinking they will actually accept it.

thank you for the heads up ~ though i think in this specific case i can trust them

 

[DorkyFox]

sigh, it really is x-x

What's crazy is, I know a lot of us here probably would or even have talked friends out of suicide before and did a bunch to make sure it didn't happen

 

[waistcoat]

What's crazy is, I know a lot of us here probably would or even have talked friends out of suicide before and did a bunch to make sure it didn't happen

ha~ more than a handful of people have told me im the reason they r alive… rlly weird feeling lol

 

[DorkyFox]

Be careful with that. I had friends in real life say they accepted it, no they didn't. One of them did a police welfare check on me because I didn't receive a TEXT (not phone call, TEXT) from them. Don't always be fooled into thinking they will actually accept it.

That honestly always a possibility, I think when that reality sets in and they know in there minds its about to happen, is when it really triggers

ha~ more than a handful of people have told me im the reason they r alive… rlly weird feeling lol

lol exactly, you're the light to everyones world, like the sun. But behind you, behind what they can't see is all this darkness you're keeping back