Discussion "Cope harder." Well, actually, yeah: do that.

[derpyderpins]

Obviously language and slang is going to change, but it's started to become an insult to tell someone they are coping, or that they need to cope. Now, I get that in context, but I want to write a defense of cope.



To cope is to "deal effectively with something difficult." Doesn't sound like a bad thing. Sounds meritorious. Now, there can be bad copes. Chugging bourbon might effectively deal with my difficult emotion for the moment, but it comes with other consequences. But, in general, being able to cope is a positive thing.

Something I see a lot on here is a mindset that things must either be all good or all bad, and if bad => ctb. Those who have adopted "it's all bad" mentalities have a difficult cognitive wall to overcome: it's not ALL bad. The absolutism is a hindrance to any potential improvement/recovery. They observe and are aware that most people are not suicidal, that those of us here are in the minority - and not for any universally good reason. It's a cope in and of itself to declare the suicidal to be the true enlightened, while decrying those who function normally as just dumb or sheep or brainwashed, etc. You will see it said that the others (the non-suicidal, usually labeled some insulting term,) are adopting X/Y/Z mentality to "cope," as if that is an insult to them. The fact is, in many cases, this ability to cope should be admired.

For most people, life is more bad than good, at least in terms of "number of bad things" v. "number of good things", or "time spent dealing with bad things" v. "time spent enjoying things." In terms of numbers, bad wins. Work is shit, and most people spend a good portion of their waking hours on it. But, as said above, it's not all bad. Almost everyone has some things in life capable of giving them positive feelings. What bridges the gap between the total magnitude of effect of good v. bad is one's ability to cope. Let me illustrate in some shitty charts I draw with my finger on my phone:



Personal example. I realize I have been "over-socialized", leading me to some cognitive distortions that result in me feeling unnecessarily guilty when I logically should not. Now, that is a difficult situation. I want to remedy this. Fixing my cognitive distortions will take time. So, while I work on that, I have to find a way to cope with the situation, or I will spiral down more and more.

In sum, I say do not think yourself superior for not coping, for that is you running away rather than accepting and dealing with a situation. Indeed, my friends, go forth and "cope harder."

 

[ForgottenAgain]

This was very interesting, I actually enjoyed the graphs quite a bit. Thanks for sharing!

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

For me I find coping pointless because yeah it works sometimes but it has never worked at actually solving the problems I needed to cope with and like all treatments or drugs, copium eventually wears off and requires more and more increasingly heavy doses until it's abused in deadly ways.

The people here and everywhere else who are opposed to coping in all forms are likely aware that coping hasn't actually remedied their impossible circumstances. There are some things that just can't be coped with as time goes on even if we have to in order to survive.

 

[lovedread]

Obviously language and slang is going to change, but it's started to become an insult to tell someone they are coping, or that they need to cope. Now, I get that in context, but I want to write a defense of cope.

View attachment 142119

To cope is to "deal effectively with something difficult." Doesn't sound like a bad thing. Sounds meritorious. Now, there can be bad copes. Chugging bourbon might effectively deal with my difficult emotion for the moment, but it comes with other consequences. But, in general, being able to cope is a positive thing.

Something I see a lot on here is a mindset that things must either be all good or all bad, and if bad => ctb. Those who have adopted "it's all bad" mentalities have a difficult cognitive wall to overcome: it's not ALL bad. The absolutism is a hindrance to any potential improvement/recovery. They observe and are aware that most people are not suicidal, that those of us here are in the minority - and not for any universally good reason. It's a cope in and of itself to declare the suicidal to be the true enlightened, while decrying those who function normally as just dumb or sheep or brainwashed, etc. You will see it said that the others (the non-suicidal, usually labeled some insulting term,) are adopting X/Y/Z mentality to "cope," as if that is an insult to them. The fact is, in many cases, this ability to cope should be admired.

For most people, life is more bad than good, at least in terms of "number of bad things" v. "number of good things", or "time spent dealing with bad things" v. "time spent enjoying things." In terms of numbers, bad wins. Work is shit, and most people spend a good portion of their waking hours on it. But, as said above, it's not all bad. Almost everyone has some things in life capable of giving them positive feelings. What bridges the gap between the total magnitude of effect of good v. bad is one's ability to cope. Let me illustrate in some shitty charts I draw with my finger on my phone:

View attachment 142121

Personal example. I realize I have been "over-socialized", leading me to some cognitive distortions that result in me feeling unnecessarily guilty when I logically should not. Now, that is a difficult situation. I want to remedy this. Fixing my cognitive distortions will take time. So, while I work on that, I have to find a way to cope with the situation, or I will spiral down more and more.

In sum, I say do not think yourself superior for not coping, for that is you running away rather than accepting and dealing with a situation. Indeed, my friends, go forth and "cope harder."

I love the title of this post loooooool
It made me laugh. Really good stuff here tbh very detailed post
I wanna put go forth and cope harder in my bio here

 

[derpyderpins]

I love the title of this post loooooool
It made me laugh. Really good stuff here tbh very detailed post
I wanna put go forth and cope harder in my bio here

Permission granted. Glad you enjoyed.

 

[nembutal]

love your posts. breath of fresh air on a website polluted by strong antinatalism. i have fallen into complete despair myself, although being out of it i still can't wrap my head around how members of community try to ridicule others for having hope. i've seen it in the hikikomori communities, where when a post reveals some better than usual happening in OPs life the comments are slews of ostracism; it reveals the low self worth of the common hiki which leads them to chastise anyone who is even slightly above rock bottom. it makes sense for someone who has labeled themselves and has struggled for years on end to lash out when their community is threatened as they know nothing else. i can't bring that understanding over to this community though. surely those struggling are rational enough to understand that not everyone's situation is as cookie cutter as theres. i 100% believe there are people who have entered this site with a chance to live a fulfilling life, but end up CTBing after consuming the antinatalist rhetoric.
does your personal story have anything to do with what you write? have you struggled under antinatalism in the past?

 

[derpyderpins]

love your posts. breath of fresh air on a website polluted by strong antinatalism. i have fallen into complete despair myself, although being out of it i still can't wrap my head around how members of community try to ridicule others for having hope. i've seen it in the hikikomori communities, where when a post reveals some better than usual happening in OPs life the comments are slews of ostracism; it reveals the low self worth of the common hiki which leads them to chastise anyone who is even slightly above rock bottom. it makes sense for someone who has labeled themselves and has struggled for years on end to lash out when their community is threatened as they know nothing else. i can't bring that understanding over to this community though. surely those struggling are rational enough to understand that not everyone's situation is as cookie cutter as theres. i 100% believe there are people who have entered this site with a chance to live a fulfilling life, but end up CTBing after consuming the antinatalist rhetoric.

Thank you for saying all that. It's really sad how people will start believing something that requires them to root against other people succeeding.

I share your concern about the rhetoric pushing people towards the edge. I think this community does far more good than harm, though, overall.

does your personal story have anything to do with what you write? have you struggled under antinatalism in the past?

I'd say. Not antinatalist, but a lot of the overall negativity and the superiority complex of "I've figured out how bad the world is and if you don't see it you're either dumb or a sheep." However, when I felt like that the communities that push the pro-death stuff (incel/neet/hikki) either weren't there or I wasn't on them. I was at my most suicidal back when sanctioned suicide was a reddit group, and it had all the good, supportive parts of this site, but I don't remember there being the generalizations and putting odwn of other people. So that is why I write what I write, I guess. I've been really far down and I've made at least some progress, so I'm trying to offer my experience for people to maybe get something from.

 

[enduringwinter]

Actual picture of me coping