Venting Couldn't do it last night

[chronicpainnomore]

Not going through with it isn't defeat, or even a sign of weakness. It just means you're not ready yet. It's a huge step, CTB. There are so many things that have to happen at the same time. You have to have your life in whatever order you need it to be in. You have to be ready to leave the life you're living, including whatever people you share it with. And you have to be ready to face the unknown that lies on the other side. If you have the means to CTB, you have all the power. Don't discount that power. It's a power you will use when YOU are ready, and not before.

 

[Definitelyworried]

I'm not ready, but I have to, I feel pressured to do it.
I don't want to ctb, but I think it's better than the alternative, potentially.
I cant be living like this though.

 

[chronicpainnomore]

I'm not ready, but I have to, I feel pressured to do it.
I don't want to ctb, but I think it's better than the alternative, potentially.
I cant be living like this though.

If I may ask, what makes you feel pressured to do it?

 

[Definitelyworried]

If I may ask, what makes you feel pressured to do it?

It's embarrassing, so I won't go in to too much detail, but it's a combination of things, dysfunctional family problems, financial, the only person in my family I can count on has been detected with a weird form of cancer, family business and home problems that could leave my entire family homeless, also some of my family has legal issues and drug problems, I might be having legal issues since I found out that I might have accidently commited medicaid fraud, and I don't think there is anything I can do to fix it. I been hospitalized and had an MRI plus a lot of doctor visits, so if I have to pay it back and they could convict me with multiple felonies. But let's say it never happens I will still live in fear for a very long time. I rather not go through that type of mental pain.
I feel pressured to do it because of themental pain I'm going through every day is not something I could handle. It's really difficult to explain.
The sad thing is that there is more to the story, that's just a very light overview of my circumstance.

 

[chronicpainnomore]

I understand. I especially understand that feeling of things piling on. It starts feeling like you're in the ocean, and the weight of all that water flowing against you is too much. I just feel like I want to stop swimming and sink. Is there a way to beat it all? Probably. But it just keeps adding up.

Whatever you end up deciding, I hope you find peace. It's hard.

 

[Definitelyworried]

I understand. I especially understand that feeling of things piling on. It starts feeling like you're in the ocean, and the weight of all that water flowing against you is too much. I just feel like I want to stop swimming and sink. Is there a way to beat it all? Probably. But it just keeps adding up.

Whatever you end up deciding, I hope you find peace. It's hard.

Thanks, I hope a miracle arises, and everything gets fixed, but if I end up ctb, I hope I feel at peace.
Right now I'm not feeling at peace I feel really confused.
Because to many of my thoughts are pointing to ctb.

 

[Definitelyworried]

How much does N cost?

 

[chronicpainnomore]

How much does N cost?

I think it's at least $500, and then you're not guaranteed to get it past customs. That's one reason I chose nitrogen. I assembled my kit for less than $150.

 

[war-is-lost]

How much does N cost?

USD 650 incl anti-e and postage.

 

[war-is-lost]

I think it's at least $500, and then you're not guaranteed to get it past customs. That's one reason I chose nitrogen. I assembled my kit for less than $150.

Depends where you are located, if you are in the States/ EU, the success rate is pretty high whereas if you are in Asia, it could pose a problem. Middle Eastern countries are shit out of luck, he doesn't do those.

 

[Definitelyworried]

I think it's at least $500, and then you're not guaranteed to get it past customs. That's one reason I chose nitrogen. I assembled my kit for less than $150.

Damn that N is expensive. I think nitrogen is potentially just as peaceful as N. But one reason I would prefer N over nitrogen is because it gives you sometime after you take it to start praying. I know it doesn't make sense, but I think it will allow me to feel more at peace.
Although just speaking in a humanistic way, with no relegiousity, nitrogen seems a lot more swift and potentially less mentally troubling.
Very comparable methods in term of pain.
But I wonder do people gasp, when dying of nitrogen asphyxiation?
I know people gasp when they die from hanging which makes it more scary.

 

[chronicpainnomore]

The gasping is what is called agonal breathing. It's just a natural reflex the body goes through. It's the brainstem triggering non-productive breathing. It's not a sign of distress; consciousness is already long gone by that stage.

 

[war-is-lost]

Damn that N is expensive. I think nitrogen is potentially just as peaceful as N. But one reason I would prefer N over nitrogen is because it gives you sometime after you take it to start praying. I know it doesn't make sense, but I think it will allow me to feel more at peace.
Although just speaking in a humanistic way, with no relegiousity, nitrogen seems a lot more swift and potentially less mentally troubling.
Very comparable methods in term of pain.
But I wonder do people gasp, when dying of nitrogen asphyxiation?
I know people gasp when they die from hanging which makes it more scary.

As far as I Know re gasping, it's "no". Gasping and discomfort comes from the build up of CO2 and not the lack of O2. So, if the CO2 is replaced by Nitrogen then you should not feel anything but only black out due to lack of O2 to the brain.

 

[Definitelyworried]

The gasping is what is called agonal breathing. It's just a natural reflex the body goes through. It's the brainstem triggering non-productive breathing. It's not a sign of distress; consciousness is already long gone by that stage.

Does the nitrogen exit bag cause agonal breathing?

 

[chronicpainnomore]

As far as I Know re gasping, it's "no". Gasping and discomfort comes from the build up of CO2 and not the lack of O2. So, if the CO2 is replaced by Nitrogen then you should not feel anything but only black out due to lack of O2 to the brain.

That is correct. A pure nitrogen environment, with enough flow to flush out expired CO2 (15 liters per minute) will prevent the feelings of distress. Loss of consciousness will be rapid. There will still be gasping because of the agonal breathing I mentioned, but this will be after loss of consciousness. I recommend reading the attached document about two monitored CTB's using this method with helium instead of nitrogen. There is no difference between the gases. They both displace oxygen and the result is exactly the same.

 

[chronicpainnomore]

Does the nitrogen exit bag cause agonal breathing?

Agonal breathing is part of the dying process. The only time you won't see agonal breathing is violent methods like guns or jumping.

 

[Definitelyworried]

Agonal breathing is part of the dying process. The only time you won't see agonal breathing is violent methods like guns or jumping.

I seen an N euthanasia, and I didn't notice any agonal breathing.
I wonder if maybe they cut out the scene.

 

[chronicpainnomore]

I seen an N euthanasia, and I didn't notice any agonal breathing.
I wonder if maybe they cut out the scene.

If you're talking about the Dignitas videos, yes. They did.

 

[Definitelyworried]

So even with N there is agonal breathing?
Wow I had no idea.

 

[Definitelyworried]

Do you think this video is real?, I don't see why it's not.
He seemed to have a very brief agonal breathing phase, and actually it seemed swift and painless, and It seemed like he wasn't even aware that he was going to die, I think he was think he was going to be able to back out right before he blacked out. If I ctb I hope it's as painless as this one seemed.

http://theync.com/punjabi-man-man-l...ing-harassed-by-in-laws-in-gurdaspurindia.htm

 

[chronicpainnomore]

So even with N there is agonal breathing?
Wow I had no idea.

It's not present for 100% of deaths (more like 50-75%), but it can happen, and it's just something the body does as part of dying. Drowning, N, SN, hanging... any of them.

 

[chronicpainnomore]

Do you think this video is real?, I don't see why it's not.
He seemed to have a very brief agonal breathing phase, and actually it seemed swift and painless, and It seemed like he wasn't even aware that he was going to die, I think he was think he was going to be able to back out right before he blacked out. If I ctb I hope it's as painless as this one seemed.

http://theync.com/punjabi-man-man-l...ing-harassed-by-in-laws-in-gurdaspurindia.htm

I'm pretty sure it's real. Here's another video of a Russian who livestreamed his hanging.

 

[Definitelyworried]

Yeah I seen that video before. That one looks longer and more painful, I wonder what is the difference.

 

[Definitelyworried]

@chronicpainnomore
Have you attempted ctb before backing out? Or is it something you haven't even tried?

 

[chronicpainnomore]

@chronicpainnomore
Have you attempted ctb before backing out? Or is it something you haven't even tried?

I haven't actually attempted yet, but I did a trial run, including breathing the nitrogen from the bag to the point of passing out (without it being over my head.) It was painless and swift. I'm not afraid of this method at all.

There won't be any attempts with me. When I decide to go, I'm going.

 

[Definitelyworried]

I haven't actually attempted yet, but I did a trial run, including breathing the nitrogen from the bag to the point of passing out (without it being over my head.) It was painless and swift. I'm not afraid of this method at all.

There won't be any attempts with me. When I decide to go, I'm going.

Is it true that you pass out with in 2 breaths?

 

[Definitelyworried]

I might have to look in to nitrogen, how long do you think it would take me to get a kit?

 

[chronicpainnomore]

That's largely dependent on the person. It can be that quick or take a little longer. With me, it was closer to 4. I think it depends on your fitness level, age, etc.

 

[chronicpainnomore]

I might have to look in to nitrogen, how long do you think it would take me to get a kit?

If you look through my posts, you'll see the one where I listed where I got everything. It took me about 4 days to get everything, including driving to the AirGas store to buy the tank. I think if you order the tank pre-filled and have it shipped, it takes around a week because it has to be shipped ground.

 

[Definitelyworried]

If you look through my posts, you'll see the one where I listed where I got everything. It took me about 4 days to get everything, including driving to the AirGas store to buy the tank. I think if you order the tank pre-filled and have it shipped, it takes around a week because it has to be shipped ground.

Do I need some special equipment or?
Do you have a guide on how to build it?