Venting cries for help = “harassment”, avoidance = "setting boundaries"

[xiaoxiongmao]

When I was drowning in anguish and darkness, consumed by unbearable pain, I didn't crave my ex's love or efforts—just their presence. Someone to stabilize me, to ease the weight for even a moment. I reached out, suggesting boundaries to make it easier for both of us, but they cut me off completely. No conversation, no attempt to find middle ground. Just a cold, "I'm sure you will be happy," and silence.

They called my desperate cries for help "harassment" and "too much." They said they "couldn't carry it anymore" and had to "protect their mental health." Instead of responding to me, they triggered a welfare check without warning—as if they had the right to involve strangers while refusing to offer even the smallest bit of human comfort. It feels so unjust that those who collapse are vilified, while those who run away are seen as "protecting themselves."

Eventually, I reached my breaking point of no return. I couldn't endure the pain, the medication, or live a decent life anymore. When I decided I wanted to exit with dignity, I was suddenly labeled "crazy" and "mentally ill."

Everyone sided with my ex, assuming I could "just find other help." But there is NO alternative. My suffering—the raw, suffocating kind that can't be medicated or reasoned away—was dismissed as "dangerous" or "toxic." Even after I'd made peace with my decision to leave, all I got was the empty platitude: "I hope you don't kill yourself." The world accepts this as "support," when what I truly needed was for someone—anyone—to hold my hand during my last stretch of the journey.

I truly believe this society is built for the self-interested, for those who can detach and protect themselves first. It is not built for those who love or feel too deeply—for us, there is no space, no safety net, no grace.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

I understand where you are coming from, as I've been in a similar situation before, but you have to understand that some people just cannot deal with that sort of thing. It's especially difficult when they tell you that they can deal with it, only to recognize later that they actually cant, and by that point you've grown quite dependent on them. Talking about that sort of thing can be quite "corrosive" for others. It's kind of sad, but it is the reality of this world.

I don't really have a good solution to your problem, unfortunately. Just try not to blame them for it; it's not their fault. I think these sorts of people do want to help (especially if they tried to in the past) but simply do not know how to.

Hopefully you can find someone who is able to handle it soon. It's really quite difficult to go on when all you really want is someone to hold your hand, but find yourself always alone.

 

[SuicidalCurryBoy]

Yeah.

I've been in the same predicament. And it's usually women and successful men who do this shit.

There was this girl who I met in 2017. She was the first conventionally attractive girl to be nice to me. She said that I was one of the nicest people she had ever met. I low key had a crush on her. Though we barely talked. I was super depressed for years(still) am, and she was the one who messaged me first to ask if I was okay...Fast forward to 2021, I realized she had unfriended me. Then in 2022, I had an attempt, and after that I wanted to clear things out. So I asked her why she unfriended me. She said "You give off a very uncomfortable energy, and I don't feel comfortable in your presence." And she said "I don't know how to explain it.". I asked if it was because of something I had said or posted, and she said she has not idea what I'm talking about, and said that whole thing about "uncomfortable energy" and "Let's keep it at that."The only reason I can think of is that I had commented "pwetty" on a single photo she had posted. She said "I never felt comfortable with your approach.". But I might be overanalysing. I felt extremely dehumanized, but all our mutual friends, and even my friends, sided with her, saying she wasn't being toxic.

 

[xiaoxiongmao]

I understand where you are coming from, as I've been in a similar situation before, but you have to understand that some people just cannot deal with that sort of thing. It's especially difficult when they tell you that they can deal with it, only to recognize later that they actually cant, and by that point you've grown quite dependent on them. Talking about that sort of thing can be quite "corrosive" for others. It's kind of sad, but it is the reality of this world.

I don't really have a good solution to your problem, unfortunately. Just try not to blame them for it; it's not their fault. I think these sorts of people do want to help (especially if they tried to in the past) but simply do not know how to.

Hopefully you can find someone who is able to handle it soon. It's really quite difficult to go on when all you really want is someone to hold your hand, but find yourself always alone.

they broke up with me when I was interviewing for new jobs because I was stressed and depressed. But the breakup was a fatal blow and ever since I couldn't recover.

I believe that if one truly cares about someone, they will learn to handle the situation and fight through it together instead of avoiding. Because avoidance can make things significantly worse.

I don't need to solve my problem any more since my CTB is scheduled. But yeah generally in such situation there is no other solution. I hate it more that the society would label "us" to be the "bad" guys, when both parties couldn't handle certain situations well, just the other person avoids

 

[Dejected 55]

In my life I have found that other people can just declare they must be left alone and if I don't, there are consequences... but if I want to be alone, nothing I say or do will keep people from interfering and, again, there are consequences. Time and again I get all the blowback no matter what the situation. People are so exhausting and I'm tired of always being open and welcoming and looking for new connections only to be betrayed and abused and taken advantage of before being ignored.

I agree with the sentiment that it seems the selfish have the best chance of success, and even if the too fail sometimes, they don't care because they know they can screw over someone else to get what they need. If you're kind and considerate of others, you get misread and used and abused.

 

[SuicidalCurryBoy]

In my life I have found that other people can just declare they must be left alone and if I don't, there are consequences... but if I want to be alone, nothing I say or do will keep people from interfering and, again, there are consequences. Time and again I get all the blowback no matter what the situation. People are so exhausting and I'm tired of always being open and welcoming and looking for new connections only to be betrayed and abused and taken advantage of before being ignored.

I agree with the sentiment that it seems the selfish have the best chance of success, and even if the too fail sometimes, they don't care because they know they can screw over someone else to get what they need. If you're kind and considerate of others, you get misread and used and abused.

Have had it happened multiple times...

It's a sign of disrespect and dehumanization.

I thought it was just something ethnics do.
But it seems all races do it.

It usually have to do with you being established at the bottom of a pecking order.

 

[popcorn1234]

When I was drowning in anguish and darkness, consumed by unbearable pain, I didn't crave my ex's love or efforts—just their presence. Someone to stabilize me, to ease the weight for even a moment. I reached out, suggesting boundaries to make it easier for both of us, but they cut me off completely. No conversation, no attempt to find middle ground. Just a cold, "I'm sure you will be happy," and silence.

They called my desperate cries for help "harassment" and "too much." They said they "couldn't carry it anymore" and had to "protect their mental health." Instead of responding to me, they triggered a welfare check without warning—as if they had the right to involve strangers while refusing to offer even the smallest bit of human comfort. It feels so unjust that those who collapse are vilified, while those who run away are seen as "protecting themselves."

Eventually, I reached my breaking point of no return. I couldn't endure the pain, the medication, or live a decent life anymore. When I decided I wanted to exit with dignity, I was suddenly labeled "crazy" and "mentally ill."

Everyone sided with my ex, assuming I could "just find other help." But there is NO alternative. My suffering—the raw, suffocating kind that can't be medicated or reasoned away—was dismissed as "dangerous" or "toxic." Even after I'd made peace with my decision to leave, all I got was the empty platitude: "I hope you don't kill yourself." The world accepts this as "support," when what I truly needed was for someone—anyone—to hold my hand during my last stretch of the journey.

I truly believe this society is built for the self-interested, for those who can detach and protect themselves first. It is not built for those who love or feel too deeply—for us, there is no space, no safety net, no grace.

Is your ex from my generation (Generation Z)?

I ask because people from my generation tend to hide behind fancy psychological buzzwords, so they don't have to face the fact they are uncomfortable with sitting with other people's emotions.

 

[xiaoxiongmao]

Is your ex from my generation (Generation Z)?

I ask because people from my generation tend to hide behind fancy psychological buzzwords, so they don't have to face the fact they are uncomfortable with sitting with other people's emotions.

No, but they are French, so very similar in terms of liking to hide behind fancy terms and avoid the real issues

 

[Wolf Girl]

I'm so sorry. I know how much this hurts as I recently reached out to an ex and got blocked without a word and most of my other people have left me too. I think it is important to remember that if this happens, it means this individual's brain was not compatible with your brain. There are people who are compatible. I know because I have two friends that are fine with my crazy because they're crazy too. They do exist.

 

[jazzcat621]

I truly believe this society is built for the self-interested, for those who can detach and protect themselves first. It is not built for those who love or feel too deeply—for us, there is no space, no safety net, no grace.

This is an unfortunate fact of life i feel so few are even willing to confront. Those of us who need a tender sort of care and love are just SOL all because people are generally self interested. I wish it wasn't this way for us, but unfortunately people only seem to really care after you CTB.

 

[Kadaver]

I had a friend like this. Then when I tried to kill myself he called the coos and had me forcefully put into the hospital against my will. Now I have a huge bill. Then when I got out he was horrible to me for a few weeks before throwing me out and then proceeded to ghost me and essentially forget all about me. Then when he and his gf broke up he made a vent post about how she "left when things got hard" or something and I was just like…dude you're throwing stones in a glass house

Then when I would call him out he would get angry. But when he said horrible shit to me I just had to take it. He's never once apologized to me for the harm he caused meanwhile I've apologized so many times but he still acts like I haven't taken accountability. And after all the bullshit and pain I still fucking love him more than anyone else even though we don't talk anymore. Now I just feel like I'm not worth anyones time. People are happier when I'm not around and it makes me feel like I have to die to free them and myself

 

[kopebaldy]

I was in the room when person A shared something and person B accused them of traumadumping and that was when I decided not to let anyone go pass this wall of mine.

It's fine, I get it, we all have our problems. Life is tiring for everyone. It's fine, no hate.

I'll keep my thoughts for myself.

 

[bipolar22]

When I was drowning in anguish and darkness, consumed by unbearable pain, I didn't crave my ex's love or efforts—just their presence. Someone to stabilize me, to ease the weight for even a moment. I reached out, suggesting boundaries to make it easier for both of us, but they cut me off completely. No conversation, no attempt to find middle ground. Just a cold, "I'm sure you will be happy," and silence.

They called my desperate cries for help "harassment" and "too much." They said they "couldn't carry it anymore" and had to "protect their mental health." Instead of responding to me, they triggered a welfare check without warning—as if they had the right to involve strangers while refusing to offer even the smallest bit of human comfort. It feels so unjust that those who collapse are vilified, while those who run away are seen as "protecting themselves."

Eventually, I reached my breaking point of no return. I couldn't endure the pain, the medication, or live a decent life anymore. When I decided I wanted to exit with dignity, I was suddenly labeled "crazy" and "mentally ill."

Everyone sided with my ex, assuming I could "just find other help." But there is NO alternative. My suffering—the raw, suffocating kind that can't be medicated or reasoned away—was dismissed as "dangerous" or "toxic." Even after I'd made peace with my decision to leave, all I got was the empty platitude: "I hope you don't kill yourself." The world accepts this as "support," when what I truly needed was for someone—anyone—to hold my hand during my last stretch of the journey.

I truly believe this society is built for the self-interested, for those who can detach and protect themselves first. It is not built for those who love or feel too deeply—for us, there is no space, no safety net, no grace.

When I was drowning in anguish and darkness, consumed by unbearable pain, I didn't crave my ex's love or efforts—just their presence. Someone to stabilize me, to ease the weight for even a moment. I reached out, suggesting boundaries to make it easier for both of us, but they cut me off completely. No conversation, no attempt to find middle ground. Just a cold, "I'm sure you will be happy," and silence.

They called my desperate cries for help "harassment" and "too much." They said they "couldn't carry it anymore" and had to "protect their mental health." Instead of responding to me, they triggered a welfare check without warning—as if they had the right to involve strangers while refusing to offer even the smallest bit of human comfort. It feels so unjust that those who collapse are vilified, while those who run away are seen as "protecting themselves."

Eventually, I reached my breaking point of no return. I couldn't endure the pain, the medication, or live a decent life anymore. When I decided I wanted to exit with dignity, I was suddenly labeled "crazy" and "mentally ill."

Everyone sided with my ex, assuming I could "just find other help." But there is NO alternative. My suffering—the raw, suffocating kind that can't be medicated or reasoned away—was dismissed as "dangerous" or "toxic." Even after I'd made peace with my decision to leave, all I got was the empty platitude: "I hope you don't kill yourself." The world accepts this as "support," when what I truly needed was for someone—anyone—to hold my hand during my last stretch of the journey.

I truly believe this society is built for the self-interested, for those who can detach and protect themselves first. It is not built for those who love or feel too deeply—for us, there is no space, no safety net, no grace.f you have narcissistic leaders shaping and controlling our lifes

When I was drowning in anguish and darkness, consumed by unbearable pain, I didn't crave my ex's love or efforts—just their presence. Someone to stabilize me, to ease the weight for even a moment. I reached out, suggesting boundaries to make it easier for both of us, but they cut me off completely. No conversation, no attempt to find middle ground. Just a cold, "I'm sure you will be happy," and silence.

They called my desperate cries for help "harassment" and "too much." They said they "couldn't carry it anymore" and had to "protect their mental health." Instead of responding to me, they triggered a welfare check without warning—as if they had the right to involve strangers while refusing to offer even the smallest bit of human comfort. It feels so unjust that those who collapse are vilified, while those who run away are seen as "protecting themselves."

Eventually, I reached my breaking point of no return. I couldn't endure the pain, the medication, or live a decent life anymore. When I decided I wanted to exit with dignity, I was suddenly labeled "crazy" and "mentally ill."

Everyone sided with my ex, assuming I could "just find other help." But there is NO alternative. My suffering—the raw, suffocating kind that can't be medicated or reasoned away—was dismissed as "dangerous" or "toxic." Even after I'd made peace with my decision to leave, all I got was the needed was for someone—anyone—to hold my hand during my last stretch of the journey.

I truly believe this society is built for the self-interested, for those who can detach and protect themselves first. It is not built for those who love or feel too deeply—for us, there is no space, no safety net, no grace.

When I was drowning in anguish and darkness, consumed by unbearable pain, I didn't crave my ex's love or efforts—just their presence. Someone to stabilize me, to ease the weight for even a moment. I reached out, suggesting boundaries to make it easier for both of us, but they cut me off completely. No conversation, no attempt to find middle ground. Just a cold, "I'm sure you will be happy," and silence.

They called my desperate cries for help "harassment" and "too much." They said they "couldn't carry it anymore" and had to "protect their mental health." Instead of responding to me, they triggered a welfare check without warning—as if they had the right to involve strangers while refusing to offer even the smallest bit of human comfort. It feels so unjust that those who collapse are vilified, while those who run away are seen as "protecting themselves."

Eventually, I reached my breaking point of no return. I couldn't endure the pain, the medication, or live a decent life anymore. When I decided I wanted to exit with dignity, I was suddenly labeled "crazy" and "mentally ill."

Everyone sided with my ex, assuming I could "just find other help." But there is NO alternative. My suffering—the raw, suffocating kind that can't be medicated or reasoned away—was dismissed as "dangerous" or "toxic." Even after I'd made peace with my decision to leave, all I got was the empty platitude: "I hope you don't kill yourself." The world accepts this as "support," when what I truly needed was for someone—anyone—to hold my hand during my last stretch of the journey.

I truly believe this society is built for the self-interested, for those who can detach and protect themselves first. It is not built for those who love or feel too deeply—for us, there is no space, no safety net, no grace.

Society is build by narcissists. They own us. Shape us. Raise our children. So society as a whole becomes more and more narcissistic. But where are all the good minded people to step up against such a cruel system? There are non. Earth is a dark dark place.

 

[bipolar22]

I understand where you are coming from, as I've been in a similar situation before, but you have to understand that some people just cannot deal with that sort of thing. It's especially difficult when they tell you that they can deal with it, only to recognize later that they actually cant, and by that point you've grown quite dependent on them. Talking about that sort of thing can be quite "corrosive" for others. It's kind of sad, but it is the reality of this world.

People nowadays are weak and fat and go the easiest route. They all will say "I can deal with your mental health issues whatever they are im here for you always." The moment it gets a little difficult they're fucking gone and tell you to gon find "help." They care about themself foremost. anything that inconveniences them they drop. They're shallow also without honor and dignity most of them too fat to even walk, while cowering in front of their bosses daily. Again that's what this system creates. Cowardish shallow obedient 9 to 5 worker. Sometimes 1 in 100 there a good person with virtue empathy and backbone but I haven't personally met someone like that. Actually correction my gf is acutely one of those people. Very rare

 

[xiaoxiongmao]

This is an unfortunate fact of life i feel so few are even willing to confront. Those of us who need a tender sort of care and love are just SOL all because people are generally self interested. I wish it wasn't this way for us, but unfortunately people only seem to really care after you CTB.

I often wonder if they would even care after I'm gone. Usually, the narrative people use is something like:
"They were mentally ill, there was nothing you could have done."
"It wasn't your fault."
"They were going to do it no matter what, so there's no need to blame yourself."

But that's precisely my point—when it's our turn to break under the weight of everything, we're still seen as the "bad" ones, the "problem."

I plan to share my story: how they damaged my mental health from the start, refused to support me during my darkest moments, and stayed silent when I needed them most—even when I was facing the most sacred, stressful event of my life, death. I will also speak openly about our private life: their repeated infidelity, their obsession with maintaining a public image at the cost of my physical and emotional well-being (even over something as simple as refusing to carry my bag when I was sick because "it looked feminine"), their total avoidance of resolving conflicts, their disregard for boundaries, and their complete selfishness.

I've already communicated my intent and content with my ex. I don't know if they thought I wouldn't follow through with my plan, but they said they accepted it. Surprising given how much they care about their public image.

There's another truth I want to share too—about the fraudulent practices at their company. We used to work together, and I was fired because I refused to participate in dishonest strategies. Scientific honesty, to me, is non-negotiable.

My best friend says my plan is "petty," but I see it as the only time I can finally be honest with the world. People can judge me however they want, but they cannot sue me and I won't care once I'm free from this exhausting, ridiculous world.

 

[Dejected 55]

Most people just don't care unless and until it is happening to them personally. There are some people who genuinely care about others... but there aren't enough of us around, and none of us are in any real position to do anything to help... and most of us have our own problems as well that we can't solve, so we don't know how to help with others' problems even when we really want to do so.

Everything is awful.

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

This is nuanced and the most relatably real post I've seen today,, were all just collateral I guess, destined to be stepped over or swept aside,, useful for providing emotional fodder for the living, until we finally cease to be useful like Attempts at connection inevitably devolve into either obligation or annoyance. Then it's just awkward silence we have to be how society wants us,, we have to accept our role as background noise in a never ending poorly choreographed illustration...

 

[xiaoxiongmao]

The reality is simply: not just anyone can help us resolve our problems, sometimes it has to be the "someone" who holds the answer. Sometimes even the "someone" does not exit, but definitely not just "anyone"--especially not a random person behind the fucking hotline or a policeman carrying out a welfare check.

For those who can actually do something, they really need to learn the lesson of shouldering their responsibilities as a decent human. Just because the society is on their side, excusing their avoidance, there will still be consequences.

Avoidance != no damage
It can mean quite the opposite. So "protecting their mental health" = "damaging our mental health even more"

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

I had a friend like this. Then when I tried to kill myself he called the coos and had me forcefully put into the hospital against my will. Now I have a huge bill. Then when I got out he was horrible to me for a few weeks before throwing me out and then proceeded to ghost me and essentially forget all about me. Then when he and his gf broke up he made a vent post about how she "left when things got hard" or something and I was just like…dude you're throwing stones in a glass house

Then when I would call him out he would get angry. But when he said horrible shit to me I just had to take it. He's never once apologized to me for the harm he caused meanwhile I've apologized so many times but he still acts like I haven't taken accountability. And after all the bullshit and pain I still fucking love him more than anyone else even though we don't talk anymore. Now I just feel like I'm not worth anyones time. People are happier when I'm not around and it makes me feel like I have to die to free them and myself

I get this,,, bs so many of us deal with this shit.

 

[popcorn1234]

No, but they are French, so very similar in terms of liking to hide behind fancy terms and avoid the real issues

Ah okay, this person sounds awful, sorry you had to go through that.

You can always confide in us.

 

[Foxcompany2nd3rd]

Yeah

Yeah.

I've been in the same predicament. And it's usually women and successful men who do this shit.

There was this girl who I met in 2017. She was the first conventionally attractive girl to be nice to me. She said that I was one of the nicest people she had ever met. I low key had a crush on her. Though we barely talked. I was super depressed for years(still) am, and she was the one who messaged me first to ask if I was okay...Fast forward to 2021, I realized she had unfriended me. Then in 2022, I had an attempt, and after that I wanted to clear things out. So I asked her why she unfriended me. She said "You give off a very uncomfortable energy, and I don't feel comfortable in your presence." And she said "I don't know how to explain it.". I asked if it was because of something I had said or posted, and she said she has not idea what I'm talking about, and said that whole thing about "uncomfortable energy" and "Let's keep it at that."The only reason I can think of is that I had commented "pwetty" on a single photo she had posted. She said "I never felt comfortable with your approach.". But I might be overanalysing. I felt extremely dehumanized, but all our mutual friends, and even my friends, sided with her, saying she wasn't being toxic.

Have you ever heard of the redpill/manosphere community?. Being called 'nice guy' in chick language is a lame milktoast loser, its the biggest insult that can be given by a women is to call you a 'nice guy'. Women hate nice guys, they always go for the bad boys. Nice guys are boring. She was just trying to be nice to you and showing you pitty, she was not sexual attracted to you. You never want to be considered as a nice guy with a woman you are attracted to, its the death nail in the the relationship.

Have you ever been out on an awkward first date and you dont greet her with a touch, then 4 dates later touch her for the first time? super awkward right?. You're supposed to touch her right away, a handshake, a kiss on the cheek, and continue doing it throughout the dating. When you go cold turkey from not touching to touching its super awkward and creepy.

Thats what you did to her, you said you never talked to her much then immediately hit her with a nerdy comment like pwetty. To a woman, that is super creepy and it signals that you have very low confidence and women hate men like this, they are creepers to them. Women want an unapologetically masculine man that is confident and doesn't ask permission. The first thing you should have said to her after not talking to her for a long time should have been non sexual and not pretty, like "hi how was your day", or "its been a while how you doing?" etc. Not talking to someone then hitting them with "I want to bang gives off bad vibes".

 

[xiaoxiongmao]

Honestly I just hope there are others agreeing with my philosophy: sometimes, you have to learn to face things you cannot face yet for the people you love. And that is an essential part of what love is. And there are wars and struggles where a person alone cannot fight through—it doesn't mean they are helpless, they could have been unstoppable when teaming with their loved ones.

And I apply the same standard on myself: I was always by their side during any difficult times and helped with their work significantly. My other ex got really sick and I was there for them and their family till their last breath at the age of 19 when I couldn't even fathom the concept of death yet.

Anyways, a lot of vent. TLDR is I'm not compatible with this society and very ready to be freed

 

[SuicidalCurryBoy]

Have you ever heard of the redpill/manosphere community?. Being called 'nice guy' in chick language is a lame milktoast loser, its the biggest insult that can be given by a women is to call you a 'nice guy'. Women hate nice guys, they always go for the bad boys. Nice guys are boring. She was just trying to be nice to you and showing you pitty, she was not sexual attracted to you. You never want to be considered as a nice guy with a woman you are attracted to, its the death nail in the the relationship.

Have you ever been out on an awkward first date and you dont greet her with a touch, then 4 dates later touch her for the first time? super awkward right?. You're supposed to touch her right away, a handshake, a kiss on the cheek, and continue doing it throughout the dating. When you go cold turkey from not touching to touching its super awkward and creepy.

Thats what you did to her, you said you never talked to her much then immediately hit her with a nerdy comment like pwetty. To a woman, that is super creepy and it signals that you have very low confidence and women hate men like this, they are creepers to them. Women want an unapologetically masculine man that is confident and doesn't ask permission. The first thing you should have said to her after not talking to her for a long time should have been non sexual and not pretty, like "hi how was your day", or "its been a while how you doing?" etc. Not talking to someone then hitting them with "I want to bang gives off bad vibes".

That's a load of BS.
It's all about looks.