CTB reasons, mine and yours

[TBONTB]

Sharing a couple of my reasons for wanting to "shuffle off". Partly just as a vent, but also to hear from others about what resonates.

Reason 1 ...we bought an old house. We now have so many needed maintenance and items and repairs we can't possibly do them, nor can we easily sell the house. Even if we do, we don't walk away with the ability to buy even a little place. We could rent for a while, but eventually the money runs out....before we die of natural causes. I feel desperate

Reason 2 ..what's happening in my country. Im deeply saddened by many of the current events. From a worry point of view though, the economy extremely worrisome. , I am terrified of what's coming as a retired person.

Finally reason. there's good old age. I dont want to be ill in the coming medical system, or to be a burden of family members who might have to care for me

Curious to hear your comments or your own reasons.

 

[idiotmother]

Brain damaged by medication. I'm stuck on poison that sucks out all the joy and makes me feel like a zombie. Also have bouts of Akathisia that flare up horribly if I try to taper. No one understands what's going on or how to help me. They think I can get better but all I've gotten is worse. It's isolating and frustrating and I really don't feel like I have much time left, this is such a heavy burden to bear. I feel horrible for my family members and I know I'll be remembered as a coward who couldn't just "push through it." I'll be known as selfish for leaving my child and family members and I deserve it, on some level, but I'm truly struggling. There's no end in sight to the suffering, how am I supposed to push through anything? Akathisia is horrific, no one knows unless they've gone through it themselves but they'll judge harshly until then.

 

[TBONTB]

Brain damaged by medication. I'm stuck on poison that sucks out all the joy and makes me feel like a zombie. Also have bouts of Akathisia that flare up horribly if I try to taper. No one understands what's going on or how to help me. They think I can get better but all I've gotten is worse. It's isolating and frustrating and I really don't feel like I have much time left, this is such a heavy burden to bear. I feel horrible for my family members and I know I'll be remembered as a coward who couldn't just "push through it." I'll be known as selfish for leaving my child and family members and I deserve it, on some level, but I'm truly struggling. There's no end in sight to the suffering, how am I supposed to push through anything? Akathisia is horrific, no one knows unless they've gone through it themselves but they'll judge harshly until then.

I'm sorry for your suffering. I apologize I don't know this but can you tell me about akajthisia?

 

[idiotmother]

I'm sorry for your suffering. I apologize I don't know this but can you tell me about akajthisia?

It's a need to keep moving, like your body is buzzing/can't relax your body. Many people need to pace constantly. It's often accompanied by severe anxiety and sleeplessness. Torturous. I'm not in a bout right now but probably will be soon when I try to taper seroquel. And that'll probably push me over the edge and I'll take my life. There's no way of knowing when it'll stop once it starts, and people get stuck trying new meds to help it, like I did. And doctors refuse to believe it's happening. It's awful.

 

[TBONTB]

It's a need to keep moving, like your body is buzzing/can't relax your body. Many people need to pace constantly. It's often accompanied by severe anxiety and sleeplessness. Torturous. I'm not in a bout right now but probably will be soon when I try to taper seroquel. And that'll probably push me over the edge and I'll take my life. There's no way of knowing when it'll stop once it starts, and people get stuck trying new meds to help it, like I did. And doctors refuse to believe it's happening. It's awful.

I'm sorry.

 

[idiotmother]

I'm sorry.

Thanks, I'm sorry for your situation too. Life is too unfair.

 

[TBONTB]

Thanks, I'm sorry for your situation too. Life is too unfair.

Some people get lucky, some people don't. We didn't.

 

[hmnow]

Because I want to

I have just decided it's time to leave and ass I get older life is not as much fun

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Lack of money makes me suicidal more than anything else, and probably will be the major reason why I will CTB one day.

 

[darksouls]

the main reason is chronic physical pain

 

[Realgar]

For me it is chronic pain, but if I had money it would be a lot easier!!

 

[already_dying]

My main reason is just severe chronic depression and nearly constant low level suicidal thoughts. I have tried so many different treatments and I think if the next one doesn't work I'm just ready to be done. I would like so much to recover, but I'm not sure that's in the cards for me

 

[FuneralCry]

For me ceasing to exist is actually something that's positive, I'd just always prefer to not exist than be burdened with this torturous, futile existence that just causes suffering all for the sake of it and problems there were never a need for with no limit as to how much one can be tortured, for me existing is so deeply undesirable in every way and as long as I exist I'll only hope for the peace of an eternal sleep, I wish you the best.

 

[J&L383]

Sharing a couple of my reasons for wanting to "shuffle off". Partly just as a vent, but also to hear from others about what resonates.

Reason 1 ...we bought an old house. We now have so many needed maintenance and items and repairs we can't possibly do them, nor can we easily sell the house. Even if we do, we don't walk away with the ability to buy even a little place. We could rent for a while, but eventually the money runs out....before we die of natural causes. I feel desperate

Reason 2 ..what's happening in my country. Im deeply saddened by many of the current events. From a worry point of view though, the economy extremely worrisome. , I am terrified of what's coming as a retired person.

Finally reason. there's good old age. I dont want to be ill in the coming medical system, or to be a burden of family members who might have to care for me

Curious to hear your comments or your own reasons.

Yes, those three for me too, except there's no "we".

 

[TBONTB]

Yes, those three for me too, except there's no "we".

That makes it easier..

Lack of money makes me suicidal more than anything else, and probably will be the major reason why I will CTB one day.

It's very real. I like to dream of the lottery

My main reason is just severe chronic depression and nearly constant low level suicidal thoughts. I have tried so many different treatments and I think if the next one doesn't work I'm just ready to be done. I would like so much to recover, but I'm not sure that's in the cards for me

Hope you can get some relief

 

[boredout]

Seems those who stay alive generally live on with themselves despite the burdens of life almost as if they were wired to do so. I know people who do so much and put up with a lot yet get up the next day and do more. I can never understand that; just seems so foreign to me. I don't see life as rewarding as they do. I see more negatives than positives and pretending to do so, as suggested by therapy, just doesn't sit well with me over time. Life hasn't gotten better (in my opinion) after rounds and rounds of therapy and a lot of people will not understand that.

 

[toughtimes100]

It's a need to keep moving, like your body is buzzing/can't relax your body. Many people need to pace constantly. It's often accompanied by severe anxiety and sleeplessness. Torturous. I'm not in a bout right now but probably will be soon when I try to taper seroquel. And that'll probably push me over the edge and I'll take my life. There's no way of knowing when it'll stop once it starts, and people get stuck trying new meds to help it, like I did. And doctors refuse to believe it's happening. It's awful.

I've got Akathisia too from Cymbalta. It's the worst pain in the world.

Brain damaged by medication. I'm stuck on poison that sucks out all the joy and makes me feel like a zombie. Also have bouts of Akathisia that flare up horribly if I try to taper. No one understands what's going on or how to help me. They think I can get better but all I've gotten is worse. It's isolating and frustrating and I really don't feel like I have much time left, this is such a heavy burden to bear. I feel horrible for my family members and I know I'll be remembered as a coward who couldn't just "push through it." I'll be known as selfish for leaving my child and family members and I deserve it, on some level, but I'm truly struggling. There's no end in sight to the suffering, how am I supposed to push through anything? Akathisia is horrific, no one knows unless they've gone through it themselves but they'll judge harshly until then.

I certainly wouldn't judge you. I've got it too. From Cymbalta. It's the worst feeling in the world. Pure torture.

 

[Fish-Holder]

All above + personal crisis. I'm rather curious to see what's going on afterlife, even if it's nothing.

I'm still kicking by playing games

 

[idiotmother]

I've got Akathisia too from Cymbalta. It's the worst pain in the world.

I certainly wouldn't judge you. I've got it too. From Cymbalta. It's the worst feeling in the world. Pure torture.

Yes it really is, thank you for saying you wouldnt judge me ;(. Has it gotten better for you at all? Did you get it while on Cymbalta or coming off?

 

[MyShadow]

I am in a similar situation financially. I left my fiancé last year, and moved out into the worst housing market imaginable. Housing prices have skyrocketed so after moving 5 times in less than a year, I am living in a place that I can hardly afford long term.

I was hoping that business would do what it normally does, pick up dramatically during the warmer months, but the economy has people afraid to spend money. So, money is tight and will run out in a few short months.
I don't have a family who care enough to help, and I'm not exactly young (56) so I too face the inevitability of sickness and other health issues in the not-so-distant future. Plus, the current administration here in the US is destroying the middle class.

There are so few reasons to live. Especially in this time in history. Especially for older folks.

 

[copioushopelessness]

Ruined by medication. Severe chronic illness. My organs are already giving out. Shitty healthcare system that gaslights. No one cares about me. Was abused my whole life. I'm alone. I just regret that a few months ago I threw my method away..
Oh and financial issues. Akathisia which is hell on earth.
Oh and financial issues. Akathisia which is hell on earth.
Didn't mean to post that last part twice...

 

[Rust]

I'm just tired of having to roll with the punches. Life's creativity never ceases to run out of new ways to ruin me.

The newest lesson I've learned is that it's rude to have depression. I tend to close myself off to people when I'm in a particularly difficult place. My father took that personally which ruined our already flaky relationship. Years later, I've discovered that he performed tax evasion in my name. He fled the country and my government and the bank which he performed this through have all turned on me. So basically, I'm in super amounts of debt to the government because my father on a whim decided I was being selfish with my depression. And now I need to either figure out the debt issue or leave the country as well.

The sad part is that I've explained this situation to my father's brother and sister. His sister (my aunt) turned out to be a psychopath. She found out how much money he had and started forcefully cutting people out of his life. She did this by creating lies about other people (e.g. she claimed I broke into my father's home and stole stuff from him). He now lives alone with her, and when he dies, she'll take all the money. The brother will likely receive nothing, but he believes the lies his sister told him, so he's not helping me.

The easiest solution is to just leave the country and ignore the debt, but I'm getting tired of having to restart life.

I got a little wrapped up in my story there, but my condolences for the struggles everyone else is facing. It seems health and finances are common problems, which is sad, since I feel like a world could be created where these are non-issues.

 

[Off_Switch]

I myself align with your reasons. And they are justified reasons. Anyone that can take a look around and not see that things are just going to keep getting worse is either dumb as shit or in maximum denial. Humanity peaked a long time ago. May god help anyone that has young children. They will be the first generation that will have to experience their entire lives in a dystopian nightmare. Please prepare them well.

The Collapse Is Coming. Will Humanity Adapt?

An evolutionary biologist and a science fiction writer walk into a bar... and mull over survival.

thereader.mitpress.mit.edu

 

[TBONTB]

Ruined by medication. Severe chronic illness. My organs are already giving out. Shitty healthcare system that gaslights. No one cares about me. Was abused my whole life. I'm alone. I just regret that a few months ago I threw my method away..
Oh and financial issues. Akathisia which is hell on earth.
Oh and financial issues. Akathisia which is hell on earth.
Didn't mean to post that last part twice...

I feel so much pain in your post. I'm sorry for that.

 

[copioushopelessness]

I feel so much pain in your post. I'm sorry for that.

Yeah.. unimaginable torturous pain. I'm sorry you're struggling too. No one wants to be ill in this broken healthcare system.

 

[tretion]

My parents kept me locked away from people my age for awhile, i was a homeschooled kid and by that i didnt rlly learn much but everyday was a fight, i have been choked and had my face spitted in multiple times

i struggle talking to others my age, i was abused, last year from 17-18 i got groomed by ladies i had no business being friends with

my own dad doesnt view me in a proper light and my mother im her personal uber, neither has ever gave a fuck about me

for my birthday this year, my last teen bday my dad made sure to ruin it because he couldnt drink alcohol

i never got to experience an actual teenage experience, i never got to have an actual childhood

my whole life has been a survival match that im ready to lose

 

[copioushopelessness]

My parents kept me locked away from people my age for awhile, i was a homeschooled kid and by that i didnt rlly learn much but everyday was a fight, i have been choked and had my face spitted in multiple times

i struggle talking to others my age, i was abused, last year from 17-18 i got groomed by ladies i had no business being friends with

my own dad doesnt view me in a proper light and my mother im her personal uber, neither has ever gave a fuck about me

for my birthday this year, my last teen bday my dad made sure to ruin it because he couldnt drink alcohol

i never got to experience an actual teenage experience, i never got to have an actual childhood

my whole life has been a survival match that im ready to lose

You're so young.. I get it my teen years were ruined by my parents.

 

[3rdworldsadness]

I was born in a 3rd world, living with my abusive mom, i didn't get what i wanted i will never i guess cause there's so few opportunity. I have to survive on slavery or become a parasite to cling on this society, i never wanted. I'm living a worthless life, its better to end it than to suffer and waiting for an end.

 

[tretion]

You're so young.. I get it my teen years were ruined by my parents.

im sorry

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I've got Akathisia too from Cymbalta. It's the worst pain in the world.

I certainly wouldn't judge you. I've got it too. From Cymbalta. It's the worst feeling in the world. Pure torture.

I think most people and even some on here don't understand how bad pain can be or get .

to me there's nothing even worth 1 or 3 seconds of the worst unending constant unbearable pain. but they have many believing some garbage like watching a clickbait youtube video , watching news or TV , or eating a sandwich is worth going through the worst pain. for how long would they go through the worst constant pain ? for a 60 seconds ? 10 minutes of absolute constant torture the worst of the worst pain 10 minutes every second not a seconds' relief? what is worth that is eating a sandwich worth that? what about for hours of that kind of worst pain every second , days, weeks , years? i don't want to risk extreme torture for any of those "enjoyable" addictions garbage . also i would feel like i 'm condoning the suffering life and this world inflicted on me and could , all the evil . all the suffering of life and this evil world if i consciously partake in any of the life activities they tell us are so necessary or that we should want to do or that we should need.


. i couldn't care less even if there were no suffering or pain i wouldn't care about doing those meaningless pleasure addictions . i hate existence . i would never want to live under any circumstances. only reason i'm alive is i fear a suicide attempt failing and giving me even more brain damage or more damage