Did you have not as bad of a life too?

[SomewhereAlongThe]

Every since I entered the group home system I've had staff say to me, "I've read your file, your abuse is not as bad as x and z" However, I wish someone would walk a mile in my shoes and feel the pain and numbness I do. Even if it isn't as bad x and z. No, my dad didn't sexually abuse me, but he did abandon me as a baby. I know that's probably not as bad as it could be, but it hurts pretty damn bad. I just feel constantly invalidated. My mother hit me as a punishment, but others say their mothers hit them for no reason at all. Both suck pretty badly, but I keep hearing the criticism that one is worse than the other. My life has been horrible, the constant struggle with autism and recently being diagnosed with bipolar disorder has shook me to my core. Even now, I don't feel comfortable leaving my room, I feel confined to it. I've been crying a lot recently, I'm in pain, and soon I'm going to go. These rat races in life drive me to end of my life, who am I to have to compete with everyone?

 

[Cosmophobic]

That's an awful thing for the staff to say not to mention stupid. Trauma isn't a simple matter of the degree or nature of the abuse suffered corresponding to an equal level of trauma. The fact people are left slip through the cracks because their abuse is arbitrarily judged to be "not that bad" is so ridiculous. It turns the whole thing into a suffering competition and assumes everyone is equipped with the exact same capacity to cope with events.

 

[TBONTB]

I'm sorry for all the pain you have had. It doesn't matter how anyone else's was. Hugs to you.

 

[Kurwenal]

I'm sorry your struggles have been so overwhelming. We can't control for ourselves, at the deepest level, how our mind processes any form of trauma.

It comes back to the typical argument. "Think of the starving children in other countries!" I do think of them, and I am deeply saddened that their lives are horrific for external circumstances beyond their control. I feel sadness for the pain and suffering of so many people. But it's not some sick and twisted sort of a competition. I don't rank people, I don't make an internal list of "This person is worse off than that person," because even if you used a superficial metric like material wealth, you can never truly understand the internal workings of another person.

The fact that other people suffer doesn't invalidate your own suffering. I'm sorry for what you have experienced, externally and internally. And I'm sorry that those around you think that comparing you to someone else on superficial details is anything other than twisted. You are you, and what you have experienced is what you have experienced. Other people telling you that you that you don't have it as bad as others, especially staff in a group home, is just insensitive, and wrong. I'm sorry.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

These rat races in life drive me to end of my life, who am I to have to compete with everyone?

There will always be someone better or worse of, and nobody should be competing with anybody. Life is just so wrong, and I'm sorry that you are facing these constant struggles. Nobody knows why life is so cruel, and everyday I'm amazed at the kind and caring souls ending up here, broken souls who remain so strong and brave despite what life has dealt them.

I think most people out there have very little empathy, and the reason for this is that they cannot understand what is feels like to be in shoes of broken people. I'm saying this, because you are not alone here. We cannot take away each other's pain, but we can listen and relate while those who have not come to this point, still have a lot to learn about life. I'm sending you love, please be kind to yourself.

 

[kopebaldy]

My life is pretty good by any standards. Financial secured, supporting parents, a brother who gives me all inheritance...

It's me, I'm the problem.

Anyone with the kind of resources and supports I'm getting would do great in life.

Unfortunately for my family, they're stuck with this worthless sack of shit.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Comparisons go both ways. If your abuse wasn't that "bad" because your family didn't do certain things, then we can still say your situation was not as good as families who didn't do such things and who were loving and caring and therefore you have the right to be affected by that fact.

 

[Antyquel]

The will to live sits between the desk and the chair. People love to attribute suicidal tendencies as nothing more but the byproduct of trauma or circumstance, but they'll completely gloss over the fact that even those living comfortable, ordinary lives can grow to loathe life itself. Living a conventionally "good life" doesn't make you immune to suicidal thoughts; that's a convenient lie people tell others to give themselves an ego boost. Anyone who insists otherwise is deluded at best and ignorant at worst.

 

[58Alice85]

I don't think it is a good thing to compare suffering this way, there is always someone worse off like quadriplegics.
It does not invalidate your own suffering.