Do people really care about others, or do they care about what they can get from you?

[suicidalbnuy]

I've been thinking about this a lot since I was a child.

I always had problems making friends, because I am/was too weird, so it wasn't very easy for me. My mother once told me I should make some friends. I replied, "Why would I need friends?" and she said something that I still think about, that in case I need a favor or something, not in a way like a supportive friend, but rather to take advantage of them, because that's what friends are for, to be used.

Since then, I tried to prove her wrong and tried to make a true friendship, but well, I realized till this day, people only look for me when they need something, and I always try to please others.

But do people really care about others, or do they just want something? Like, I've been thinking, therapists only care about you if you pay, and doctors only give you medical care if you have the money. People help others to make themselves feel better or superior; they want to be the good ones, the saviors, but not really because they care about others, but because they potentially get something from them.

If you commit suicide, do people care and say "don't kill yourself" because they really care or because they would feel guilty, sad, so they don't want to feel bad because of you? Do friends really care about you, your existence, or do they just like how they feel when you hang out with them, not because they care, but because THEY feel something?

If we couldn't get anything from other people, would people still care?

 

[permanently tired]

The initial primary initial reaction is generally pity whenever misfortune befalls someone like a friend of coworker. These are ppl that you get along with out of convenience and circumstance. Whether or not care exists for another is not a feeling, but a commitment. The active choice to carry them. Love and commitment are often used together, but I find they are not always together. Love is a feeling that compels and is capable of suppressing rationality similar to addiction/obsession. Commitment is a choice that can be made independently.

In my opinion, most ppl either do not care if we define care as commitment or they limit how much they care by separating themselves and their immediate from everyone else. Perhaps this is my bias, I don't believe therapists, doctors, or whoever else want smth out of you. I think they are simply playing their role in society. It probably rarely crosses someone mind that they actively want to use you. The intention to use someone is more difficult than one might think. If the party being used does not feel they have a genuine connection to the manipulator with the exclusion of coercion then it's unlikely they'd be "usable" to begin with. To craft a connection like that requires firsthand experience and to be able to separate from the relationship formed. This is my conjecture of course.

It's more, this is my job that is the primary instruction driving ppl rather than "give me your money." There is no amount of money that can be worth the fatigue imo. It's too much effort.

Back to your question, yes there are some that are there for good vibes, to care is to detriment oneself. If someone has sacrificed for the betterment of you, they care. They want to improve your wellbeing at their own expense. Few ppl are willing. Logically, it makes sense to only act in self interest hence the scarcity.

 

[58Alice85]

It is like you just learned all normies are full of s***

 

[Pale_Rider]

It's depends I'm guessing. I've lived a cursed life so nobody gives a crap, and if they do I'm in trouble. One way, or the other. It still depends. Sounds like mayhe yes.

 

[TBONTB]

I've been thinking about this a lot since I was a child.

I always had problems making friends, because I am/was too weird, so it wasn't very easy for me. My mother once told me I should make some friends. I replied, "Why would I need friends?" and she said something that I still think about, that in case I need a favor or something, not in a way like a supportive friend, but rather to take advantage of them, because that's what friends are for, to be used.

Since then, I tried to prove her wrong and tried to make a true friendship, but well, I realized till this day, people only look for me when they need something, and I always try to please others.

But do people really care about others, or do they just want something? Like, I've been thinking, therapists only care about you if you pay, and doctors only give you medical care if you have the money. People help others to make themselves feel better or superior; they want to be the good ones, the saviors, but not really because they care about others, but because they potentially get something from them.

If you commit suicide, do people care and say "don't kill yourself" because they really care or because they would feel guilty, sad, so they don't want to feel bad because of you? Do friends really care about you, your existence, or do they just like how they feel when you hang out with them, not because they care, but because THEY feel something?

If we couldn't get anything from other people, would people still care?

It's all of the above!

People are social animals, they evolved to be interdependent. That's all the ways interdependence works- practical and emotional.

I think it's entirely possible to care about people emotionally and to like the network of help and favors.

 

[RoseGirl]

hmmm i found that some people do truely care for you. I've had a few friendships like that but making new ones is really hard :c
Honestly most of my friends from high school were really nice tho.

 

[Kitsune_BCN]

I was going to write about this. Im narcissistic so ye, i care about others as long as I can get something. Its not my fault tho, as the same as autism, our brain is wired different than neurotypical ppl. I think than when people say that society is narcissistic they really want to mean egotistical, wich is similar, but not exactly the same. You can choose to be selfish or not. U cant heal from being narcissistic.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think we can certainly empathise with others. So, imagine what it would feel like to experience the situation they are in and genuinely feel concerned for them. So- in a sense- that's caring.

Would a person have a genuinely different feeling inside if they were told the weather report for the day or, that a close friend had just lost their child to cancer? I imagine they would. Even if we were told about a total strangers plight, we may well still feel something. Because we either know or can imagine what it's like to suffer.

It's whether that is enough to make us act on that feeling though. But sure- I think people care. Why else would they give to charity say? Not everyone makes a big deal out of doing so.

Perhaps we do help others in order to feel good about ourselves but- we must have had a degree of empathy to realise they were suffering to begin with. And, cared enough to help them.

When it comes to friendships/ relationships though- I do tend to think they are transactional. Each person provides something the other needs. I suppose the smoothest relationships are when neither feels taken advantage of. They are happy to provide what the other needs so, it doesn't feel like a strain but instead, something mutually beneficial and naturally good.

I tend to think, if it weren't the case that we look to get needs fulfilled in relationships/ friendships, we would like and value everyone equally. But, we probably don't. We might have long term friends, best friends, fair weather friends, colleagues and people we'd much rather avoid!

Presumably because either we, they or both provide varying amounts of what the other needs. We may still care about all of them although again- we may care the most about our closest friends. I suppose because we do need them more. So, maybe the very deepest sense of caring/ love is more likely with someone we are closer to. We can still be really sad to hear bad news from a distant friend though.