Discussion Do we define events or do events define us?

[SoulWhisperer]

After some thinking and 9 mood changes in a row I asked myself if my life being shit is my fault, or if the circumstances have forced me into this. I'm not here to "blame" myself or a magic "destiny", I'm here simply to know what you guys think so I can get a general idea. Please don't overthink this poll and don't assume voting the second option assumes you believe in destiny or fate, this post is NOT about that. This post is merely about figuring out whether y'all think we can control our lives or if events and circumstances marked us and turned into what we are now, regrettably or luckily depending on the person.

Sharing your thoughts below is also appreciated.

I personally believe that if my life background was more favourable I wouldn't be in a mental place so dark, it's not my fault I was born here neither...

 

[Ijustcantanymore]

I think we can control and affect some things, but not everything. And sometimes the things we can't control hurt us the most.

I think sometimes an event can alter the definition of ourselves. And other times. We can choose what an event means for ourselves.

 

[Nightfoot]

I think we define how events define us.

 

[Forever Sleep]

This is an interesting question. I think its a mixture of both. If I look at my life, there was some really shitty stuff early on. Bereavement and (suspected) narcissistic abuse that got so bad, it got me thinking about suicide. The rest of my life in some ways could be seen as trying to recover from that period. I found a coping mechanism- being creative- that I then allowed to become an obsession and consume my life. It became a kind of refuge and excuse not to fully live or face the things that frightened me- socialising for one.

So, I tend to think that we may not have control over some of the impactful things that happen to us- good and bad. But, we do have some measure of control over how we react to those things. I think we know what's good for us and what's not. We probably just let ourselves off the hook when we feel unable to cope and indulge in less than useful ways to cope. Plus, we tell ourselves we don't care. We don't care if we ruin our health with bad habits. We don't care if we ruin our future.

I'm not sure we can initially control the intensity to which a certain event affects us but again- afterwards, there is some choice to it. If we feel unable to get over something. If it still affects our day to day- what are we doing to try to process it and move on?

I'll absolutely put my hand up and admit that I didn't do enough to address things like social anxiety and, lack of confidence. Was it my fault I developed them? No. I expect it was partly genetic predisposition and partly a withdrawal reaction to life experiences. I've known from the start I had those issues though. Teachers from an early age picked up on them. But, truthfully, I haven't made a focussed effort to tackle them. It felt too difficult and uncomfortable. So effectively- I've allowed those things to dominate my life.

I think the problem with blaming fate for all our defects is it tends to enable lazzyness. As in- it's not my fault it happened, I can't change it either so- why even bother? Then- it obviously won't change.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I think I and most humans got into these horrible situations through no fault of our own we r victims. Yeah I spent most of my time wasting my time watching TV youtube, media, news. social media etc . But those were addictions bad habits programmed into me as a kid baby from 0 to 7 and 0 to 18

When I finally started to think rationally. I said wait I just spent 9 hours straight watching YouTube videos mostly news ai news for example etc . What did that do for me ? Nothing. Did that matter . No . Nothing matters to me except avoiding pain suffering and problems. Especially avoiding extreme pain or extreme suffering. Who would agree with me even here.

Nothing really matters except avoiding extreme pain. I did post the question here cause anywhere else I'll be banned , why do I have to live another minute? No one has answered .

No one could ever convince me now that anything matters except me avoiding pain suffering or problems.

If I could kill myself within a few minutes then nothing would matter to me after im dead. I would solve all my problems instantly and forever. That's the only thing I can do my suicide

If I don't exist then I would not be at the mercy of events or my brainwashed brain , my addictions, my obsessions habits ( yuotube watching TV etc) , subconscious mind , or my horrible situation, this evil world


imo that's the only thing I can do to steer my life to avoid extreme pain is to kill myself

If im successful then I define everything because every problem will be solved instantly and forever for me

All I have is a chance not guaranteed but good chance I could ve made almost guaranteed through practice hours per day instead my habits ( brainwashing) causes me to waste many hours watching Youtube addiction social media news of all kinds media videos movies etc.

I have a chance and I need to and want to take it. Its the only chance I have

But if I succeed I will not exist which will make me invulnerable to any problems suffering pain events problems etc

I have means and a good chance to kill myself today

I can take my rifle and shoot my head within. A few minutes.

If I hit my brain which is at least 99% probability I will be dead

So I could do very simple actions pick up the rifle aim don't move the gun only the trigger and then no event could define me or matter after that.

After my brain dies nothing can affect me ever again because I will cease to exist forever

And it would be as all the horrible things didn't even happen as if they were undone

So imo that's the only thing I can do to steer my life to avoid extreme pain is to kill myself

The only thing its not guaranteed. If I were 99.9% sure I would do it today. What is holding me up is fear of failure

 

[TheVanishingPoint]

I think a lot of what we do in life is curated by external factors, like the slow motion of a river carving stones. We don't have the option of exploring very far, much like how we are either passengers on a ship, or a route decided before we were even born. Everything deterministic can also be controlled. Even in the periods we believe we are performing, that is a feeling, an illusion. Everything people do and narrow gestures we perceive as actions of our accord is simply bygone decaying remnants of the endless past, the countless influences and the context that have burdened us. The strategy of a certain time, called history, constrains what we make of it. The whim of freedom every now and then granted to this illusion is, at best, a form of courtesy and a joke to our own self. The freedom is but an action and an illusion where in reality we are responding to a complex, interwoven tapestry of life and limits far reality.