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call me jvne
- Dec 8, 2023
- 163
hello, I hope everyone is doing as well as one can be
I wanted to kinda vent but also offer some discussion space to people who can relate to what I will talk about.
do you also feel like you ruin things for yourself? wether it is you are having a nice time, making good decisions or seeking or consolidating comfort or coping methods, do you happen to have negative thoughts or feelings in the middle of it?
I have been doing sort of okay, I've come to terms with myself and the life i'm living, to an extent at least, because I don't live in desperation so much, I've found activities that make me happy, friendships, etc, but I feel like the fluctuations between being ecstatic in experiences that make me laugh and feel happy, to coming down to my reality some time after. So much and so often that recently when I'm in company I can't help but feel sad even in the middle of it, I can be laughing and joking and my face will show no less, but in my mind im imagining what will this person think or feel once I'm gone.
I am no psychologist, but I do have some knowledge on the logic that our brain will seek and choose stability over exposure, which can explain why when depressed, having lived a life of extreme fluctuations, abuse and etc, prefer to stay in our comfort zone, even if that means staying in the dumps because it simply feels normal and predictable. It is important to remember these things so we don't beat ourselves up for it, or fully believe like we can't change and allow ourselves to be happy once or twice. It is not your fault.
Each person's experience is different, and mine has been positive for a lot of the time and then not, I guess it's just part of living. I don't beat myself up for it, but I do feel sad about the fact that even having understood all of this I haven't found the way to deal with this part of myself fully, often circling back to the same place.
It's tough.
I wanted to kinda vent but also offer some discussion space to people who can relate to what I will talk about.
do you also feel like you ruin things for yourself? wether it is you are having a nice time, making good decisions or seeking or consolidating comfort or coping methods, do you happen to have negative thoughts or feelings in the middle of it?
I have been doing sort of okay, I've come to terms with myself and the life i'm living, to an extent at least, because I don't live in desperation so much, I've found activities that make me happy, friendships, etc, but I feel like the fluctuations between being ecstatic in experiences that make me laugh and feel happy, to coming down to my reality some time after. So much and so often that recently when I'm in company I can't help but feel sad even in the middle of it, I can be laughing and joking and my face will show no less, but in my mind im imagining what will this person think or feel once I'm gone.
I am no psychologist, but I do have some knowledge on the logic that our brain will seek and choose stability over exposure, which can explain why when depressed, having lived a life of extreme fluctuations, abuse and etc, prefer to stay in our comfort zone, even if that means staying in the dumps because it simply feels normal and predictable. It is important to remember these things so we don't beat ourselves up for it, or fully believe like we can't change and allow ourselves to be happy once or twice. It is not your fault.
Each person's experience is different, and mine has been positive for a lot of the time and then not, I guess it's just part of living. I don't beat myself up for it, but I do feel sad about the fact that even having understood all of this I haven't found the way to deal with this part of myself fully, often circling back to the same place.
It's tough.