Do you think not procreating can make a life meaningful?

[noname223]

Many people consider their life meaningful when they raise children, sacrifice their own well-bing so that their kids will have it (allegedly) better.

But can it also feel meaningful not to procreate? No to replicate the mistakes one's ancestors did. Or does this only make you resentful and bitter? Is meaning mostly something related to social connections? Or can it feel meaningful to spare one's not existing children a life of suffering.

I think when I look back at my life. I will say one of the biggest achievements was not to procreate. My family is full of abuse and mental illness. I will break this cycle. Most likely.

One could argue if I never existed this cycle would have already ended but I am not sure. Maybe a different child would have been raised with a better living standard but also with a positive notion of procreating. Maybe one's own suffering can make you aware of how awful life can get.

 

[shampoo sniffer]

I am glad that my family's line will die out with me. Both my grandfathers were abusive pieces of garbage. I think I read somewhere that it takes 3 generations to heal from abuse. My sister has kids, they are living the life I should have had and that gives me comfort (but also sadness).

 

[LapseInTime]

I get this too. I have never had a relationship, hardly every speak to people, have no friends, but just somehow I find myself feeling like I am going to regret not having children. Then again, I didn't sprout, I'm somebody's child and I know what being stuck with parents who are a whole fucking mess can affect somebody. I imagine somebody would say "Well wanting children is always normal!" but I have never gotten even close to a relationship, let alone one so good that I could, realistically, see myself having children. Maybe that's what I feel like I'm missing after all - not that I will pursue it, of course.

But why have children? Why should you? I do find truth in that it's a really, reaaally selfish act. No matter what we do, I don't feel like somebody can escape their parents' parenting motif; whether it's being suppressed or not, it's there. And what would be next? Going to church every sunday only to return to my white picket house? Not the type of life I've had, why should the expectation remain? What if it doesn't have anything to do with parenting and they happen to inherit this "brain" of mine? CTB when you have children is a gray area. Not a good role model in general. Besides, most of it is just peer pressure. Missing out on something feels horrible but consider those who have had children and feel sorry for them or wish they could look afer them but can't. Naturally, the 2nd group of the two doesn't tend to be that verbal about it.

And for what? So that they may be brought to this world? It's sick.

 

[Dejected 55]

You can't prove a negative... and if you're asking, it would seem to imply that you are not happy with your choice entirely. Not judging at all... I'm relating to myself here. If I have to ask, "does this make me happy" then clearly it doesn't or I wouldn't be asking.

Growing up I didn't think about kids. I was never in a relationship so there was no direct association with the possibility of ever having any either. There was no reason to think or plan for them. I didn't feel anything was "missing" as such. I witnessed friends I had around me who had kids and they were mostly happy letting others raise their kids. I know many times both parents have to work, I get that... but it wasn't about the "have to" it was the "want to" from those new parents where they couldn't wait to get back to work and leave their kids with others... Having to work to support your family is one thing... wanting to be away from your kids that you supposedly love most of the time seems odd to me.

Anyway... I have a younger sister, and I also watched her 3 kids a lot as well... so I have a lot of experience taking care of kids, diapers, etc. So I got a lot of that side of child care that I wouldn't have otherwise had, and I still never felt like I was missing out not having children of my own.

Until... when I met the woman I fall in love with a couple of years ago... at some point after falling for her, I just randomly started thinking about kids... and the idea felt natural. With her, I was thinking how that would be nice... to see her with children, to have them myself... part of my love for her just kind of naturally leaned into that. And so, now, I wish I had someone in my life that I had children with at some point... not for legacy... just because it touched a part of me that made me realize I have a lot of love to give, more even than I could have given a wife and I could have given so much to kids as well... if I ever had them.

But that ship has sailed, and I'll be gone soon, so those thoughts are moot now. But I went from being indifferent to kids to really wishing I hadn't missed out on them.

 

[noname223]

You can't prove a negative... and if you're asking, it would seem to imply that you are not happy with your choice entirely. Not judging at all... I'm relating to myself here. If I have to ask, "does this make me happy" then clearly it doesn't or I wouldn't be asking.

Growing up I didn't think about kids. I was never in a relationship so there was no direct association with the possibility of ever having any either. There was no reason to think or plan for them. I didn't feel anything was "missing" as such. I witnessed friends I had around me who had kids and they were mostly happy letting others raise their kids. I know many times both parents have to work, I get that... but it wasn't about the "have to" it was the "want to" from those new parents where they couldn't wait to get back to work and leave their kids with others... Having to work to support your family is one thing... wanting to be away from your kids that you supposedly love most of the time seems odd to me.

Anyway... I have a younger sister, and I also watched her 3 kids a lot as well... so I have a lot of experience taking care of kids, diapers, etc. So I got a lot of that side of child care that I wouldn't have otherwise had, and I still never felt like I was missing out not having children of my own.

Until... when I met the woman I fall in love with a couple of years ago... at some point after falling for her, I just randomly started thinking about kids... and the idea felt natural. With her, I was thinking how that would be nice... to see her with children, to have them myself... part of my love for her just kind of naturally leaned into that. And so, now, I wish I had someone in my life that I had children with at some point... not for legacy... just because it touched a part of me that made me realize I have a lot of love to give, more even than I could have given a wife and I could have given so much to kids as well... if I ever had them.

But that ship has sailed, and I'll be gone soon, so those thoughts are moot now. But I went from being indifferent to kids to really wishing I hadn't missed out on them.

I am only asking because I watched a lecture where they asked what a meaningful life was. And someone responded meaning of life often has something to do with the social connections we make in our life.

 

[Dejected 55]

I am only asking because I watched a lecture where they asked what a meaningful life was. And someone responded meaning of life often has something to do with the social connections we make in our life.

It's all relative. When I didn't think about kids, they were not part of my equation of a meaningful life. I never not wanted kids, they just weren't in my list of things I definitely wanted... I always wanted a girlfriend, a wife, a family on that level. Children were a ??? in those scenarios, I would have been fine with them or without them. What if the love of my life didn't want kids? What if she was unable to have them? Neither of those would have changed my love for her, and wouldn't have diminished my life. We could adopt, or maybe she wouldn't want kids at all... that would not have been a deal-breaker for me.

Even now, the woman I love who triggered my interest in having kids especially with her... maybe we couldn't have them for some reason... that wouldn't make a life with her worse for me. So, still not a requirement for me in my life to be happy.

But everyone is different. Some people want kids more than they want the relationship that would help produce them.

 

[TBONTB]

Many people consider their life meaningful when they raise children, sacrifice their own well-bing so that their kids will have it (allegedly) better.

But can it also feel meaningful not to procreate? No to replicate the mistakes one's ancestors did. Or does this only make you resentful and bitter? Is meaning mostly something related to social connections? Or can it feel meaningful to spare one's not existing children a life of suffering.

I think when I look back at my life. I will say one of the biggest achievements was not to procreate. My family is full of abuse and mental illness. I will break this cycle. Most likely.

One could argue if I never existed this cycle would have already ended but I am not sure. Maybe a different child would have been raised with a better living standard but also with a positive notion of procreating. Maybe one's own suffering can make you aware of how awful life can get.

Well obviously this is deeply personal. Your life has the meaning you give it.

Part 1 for me is that it is absolutely not necessary to have children to have a meaningful life. There are so many people with children who fall back into a cycle of physical or mental health challenges...I myself have a child who has suffered a lot due to her genetic heritage.

Is it meaningful to have prevented this kind of suffering by not reproducing? To me it seems more wise than meaningful, but obviously that's personal.

So where does the meaning come from? Once again to me that's entirely personal, but I think it's connecting to something bigger than ourselves. Could be social connection, but it could also be having a cause, or important work, or helping others suffer less in some way. Personal opinion here!

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm certainly glad I haven't brought children here. It would break my heart to see them suffer and struggle and I feel confident they would have.

Also, not having children means we have a lot more time to focus on other things- careers, hobbies, sports, whatever.

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

Meaning is what you make of it. If seeing a flower bloom is meaningful to you, than that's all that matters. It's all luck; if you care or don't, if you want to live or die, all luck, where you are born , what you experience.


It doesn't matter but you should always strive to not procreate if you know the horrors of the world, doing so when you know how shitty this planet is , it's just hypocritical.

 

[Lady_V]

You don't have to bring children into this world to have children. I used to dream a lot about fostering children and animals in order to find my meaning.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

When I was younger I believed it was a good thing that we were only girl cousins on my dad's side of the family. So even though the cousins got married and had kids, the family name is discontinued.

As for me, I believe parenthood was not meant to be and I'm glad I didn't bring kids into the world. My mom had a bad childhood, my dad was an abuser and passed when I was 13. I always thought it a good thing my younger sisters don't remember him.

So yes, the cycle ended at least with me. My sisters did better than me and their kids do well, with the influence of their husbands' more "normal" families. Did I do something right by not procreating? Probably, by not creating more problems I cannot handle. But did I add any value or meaning? I don't think so. If I was a better person and had the resources, maybe I could've helped foster kids. But that's not me.

At the end of the day, my life was pretty much alone. Perhaps I'm selfish, but I'm grateful for not having done more harm than good. Maybe that is enough meaning for me.