Discussion Do you think others can tell?

[nothingspecial]

Do you think others around you can tell that you're actively or passively suicidal? Is there anything you're doing to try to hide it from others? Or are you trying to give hints as a cry for help?

I personally think I'm doing a very good job at hiding it, but there are definetely some obvious signs others will look back on when I pass. I think my suicide will be very shocking to others because I seem to be doing very well right now, though I think everyone would agree that I was going to die by suicide at some point, just not this soon.

When I was younger and suicidal, it was very obvious. I would tell myself that I didn't want anyone else to know, but I would leave out my diary full of suicidal thoughts in an open space for my parents to look through. I think I was subconsciously making it obvious as a cry for help. I didn't really want to die, I just wanted to escape from my problems. This time around, I actually want to die and be sucessful with it, so I'm being as careful as possible to make sure it happens. I'm acting normal, joyful, talking about plans for the future, etc.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I don't think that my family knows that I'm suicidal per se as I'm too stupid to ever attempt such a thing and they don't have it in them to conclude that I'm suicidal without me explicitly telling them (which I wont ever do because I'm not willing to stay alive for longer than I have to). It's obvious to them that I'm depressed though but all I get in response is platitudes like "just be happy" and "you can't complain about god's system"

 

[fallingleaves]

Everyone around me knows but that's basically two people who also know that I'll never forgive them if they call the authorities on me.

 

[LostLily]

Nope I'm fooling everyone

 

[Nobodi]

Do you think others around you can tell that you're actively or passively suicidal? Is there anything you're doing to try to hide it from others? Or are you trying to give hints as a cry for help?

I personally think I'm doing a very good job at hiding it, but there are definetely some obvious signs others will look back on when I pass. I think my suicide will be very shocking to others because I seem to be doing very well right now, though I think everyone would agree that I was going to die by suicide at some point, just not this soon.

When I was younger and suicidal, it was very obvious. I would tell myself that I didn't want anyone else to know, but I would leave out my diary full of suicidal thoughts in an open space for my parents to look through. I think I was subconsciously making it obvious as a cry for help. I didn't really want to die, I just wanted to escape from my problems. This time around, I actually want to die and be sucessful with it, so I'm being as careful as possible to make sure it happens. I'm acting normal, joyful, talking about plans for the future, etc.

I feel like even if they can tell or not they wouldn't care. I'm over it all of it I just want to sleep and not wake up. I honestly don't think anyone can tell they just like whatever.

 

[Emeralds]

I'm certain that no one would guess that I'm suicidal unless I tell them. I'm not trying to hide it or go out of my way to drop hints. I'm just being myself.

Most people wouldn't guess that someone is suicidal unless you tell them. This is because the most people aren't suicidal themselves so it doesn't cross their minds other people might be. If you want help, you should ask for help directly. You shouldn't assume that other people will guess that you are suicidal and need help. You could tell someone you trust that you feel suicidal. If you don't want to do that , you can talk to them about what the underlying problem is and ask them for advice or ask them for practical help if they are able to do it.

 

[Lo$t95]

Nobody can know your intentions if you systematically remove them from your life, work from home and stay silent as much as possible. Fly under the radar of life like a ghost. Soon ill be a memory for some but nothing at all by the time they find my body.

Sincerest apologies to the person that happens to be.

 

[skyflame]

I spend most of my time alone so no one really knows how I'm doing "normally" anyway. I have had moments when I've crossed the road without looking and thought "shit, a normal person would have looked whoops".

I don't know how to say goodbyes/thank yous without being obvious… Maybe I'm overthinking it.

 

[imnotsurewhy]

I dont think about other people knowing because it makes me feel anxious if i think someone realizes

 

[tranquil]

I'm in a similar-y situation. I believe I am doing a good job at hiding that I'm suicidal from people. I still want to hope for a little longer though, I'm trying to cling to whatever I have, but by the way things are looking I wouldn't give myself more than a year. I did give some people hints at some point as a cry for help, yes. I was somewhat scared I made them too obvious, but since nobody acted on them, they either didn't give them much thought, either didn't know how or want to act on them.

 

[Broken247]

It gets harder to hide, the closer I get to doing it. If I don't ctb, I'm gonna get locked up for sure. I don't want to go to a mental hospital again. I just want to ctb bravely before losing it so much that I get arrested. I've been losing my temper more often. I've been being alone much more and behaving out of character. Yeah, people can tell who are close.

 

[TragedyBornCrimson]

People don't really care or take you seriously if your passively suicidal. They suddenly care deeply when you ctb completely. That's how people are, people don't want to fix or work with problems that could last a life time. Yet they prevent peaceful methods of ctb. People are ok if you are passively suicidal as long as it doesn't affect them

 

[CantDoIt]

They know, I used to sort of tell people as a cry for help but it didn't get better so I decided I will pretend to be sort of ok except in therapy ig

 

[Invisible23]

No I don't think anyone knows . I'm either really good at hiding it or no one cares

 

[CatLvr]

Nope I'm fooling everyone

This. No one has a clue.

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

Nobody can tell. I have a pretty morbid sense of humor anyway, so when I literally tell people that I will ctb at some point, they think I am joking.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

Suicidal? I doubt it. But I'm sure people can tell that there's something off about me.

 

[Z-A]

Not emphatically, unless you talk or show any signs.

 

[LostLily]

I bet most people would be surprised that I'm depressed, let alone suicidal.

 

[ScaredOfMachines]

I think people know, I'm extremely bad at hiding my emotions and I'm a very readable person in general. I don't think anyone cares enough to mention it, though.

 

[mangotango0249]

I feel you exactly. Back in my teenage years, I would post depressing emo shit online and self harm and post etc. I was definitely depressed but deep down I knew that I wanted to live, I just needed someone to help.

But now that I'm 24, no family, no friends, no job, no passion, no money, I'm just acting normal around people. If anything I probably seem happier than usual. I've been doing my bestest to make sure I leave the best last impressions on people. I'm leaving in less than 24 hours..

 

[Mayfly]

Not at all lol it'll be a big surprise

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

I think people know, I'm extremely bad at hiding my emotions and I'm a very readable person in general. I don't think anyone cares enough to mention it, though.

Same, I can't mask for the life of me so it's pretty obvious to pretty much anyone I encounter that I'm depressed (though maybe not so obvious that I'm suicidal).

Unrelated but @nothingspecial what's your profile pic from? I love it!

 

[nothingspecial]

Unrelated but @nothingspecial what's your profile pic from? I love it!

Thank you so much! It's a painting of St. Catherine of Siena by Giovanni Battista Tiepolo! St. Catherine of Siena is my confirmation saint and my biggest inspiration

 

[AnderDethsky]

In general, I would hide from few people the fact that I have long wanted to cut myself out of real life.

I have already come to terms with the indecision and inevitability of what led me to CTB thoughts for a little bit (9 years)for half my life, I wouldn't be surprised at all if my entire image in the eyes of others was built precisely on my suicidality/depression, because with what I have, I could never be anyone else but that.

Of course, CTB is the most personal decision, and about the specific details of my method, and even the method of how I plan to do it (SN), I am of course silent — this is definitely something that it would be better not to know anyone in advance.

But for example, I can joke about CTB and death in society without hiding myself, openly talk about the normality of the decision to die and the abnormality of forcing a person to live, make CTB memes and show them to some classmates (you can see examples of my creativity on my profile wall), make pictures, make poem, make music, and in general burn brighter than a star.

It's not at all a cry for help, or that I somehow believe in humanity, or think I can convince someone to be a little more humane to those , like me, who are a little less fortunate than the rest of the population n — I'm just expressing myself. I would really like the next few years, and ideally months, to be the last for me as a result, and I would not like to pretend to be someone again in the last period of my life, to show again what I am not, even if others like this someone more than the true me. Instead I really so that my voice shines with sincerity, so that everything sounds just what I had in my soul, no matter how it scares everyone else.

 

[been__ready]

It gets harder to hide, the closer I get to doing it. If I don't ctb, I'm gonna get locked up for sure. I don't want to go to a mental hospital again. I just want to ctb bravely before losing it so much that I get arrested. I've been losing my temper more often. I've been being alone much more and behaving out of character. Yeah, people can tell who are close.

I have to agree with this one - people who are close to you will know you are behaving out of character… either by acting out - or in my case - shutting down and not leaving my room for months on end.

I recently only left my room to fly across the country to CTB (only convinced my parents to let me go bc they were traveling too and I told them the trip would help me).. but especially after being isolated for so long I really struggled to speak to people and engage with people without almost shaking.. to me it is so clear and obvious that something about me isn't normal… it feels like I'm hiding a crime/secret… which I suppose you could say I am..

And I too don't want to end up in a hospital again. Nothing worse.

I admire those of you who are able to go about life normally in the face of such adversity… but I also suffer with bipolar and BPD so regulating my emotions and reactions in general has been very difficult.. I'm always manic in one direction or the other unfortunately.

Wishing everyone peace.

 

[OptingOutSmiling]

People will be surprised. They may look back and think something was off. I don't think I'm acting myself, but it doesn't appear as if anyone thinks I'm suicidal. Strange maybe, but then I've always been a bit different. Perhaps I'm good at faking things. Or maybe everyone is just too wrapped up in their own stories, such as I am at this point.

 

[savory]

My family and one friend know I'm depressed because I'm withdrawn. I wish I could hide it but I can't after a point. I'm sure they have concerns I may be suicidal because I attempted once before. They're letting me be, and hoping for the best probably. Like you, I think some people might have the sense I'll commit suicide eventually. I'm the fragile wild card in my family. If someone peeked in my bedroom they'd know something was off, I've discretely gotten rid of a lot of stuff

I think people know, I'm extremely bad at hiding my emotions and I'm a very readable person in general. I don't think anyone cares enough to mention it, though.

Ditto. Personally I've always felt shame for not being great at masking the state of my mental health and having that glaring vulnerability.

It gets harder to hide, the closer I get to doing it. If I don't ctb, I'm gonna get locked up for sure. I don't want to go to a mental hospital again. I just want to ctb bravely before losing it so much that I get arrested. I've been losing my temper more often. I've been being alone much more and behaving out of character. Yeah, people can tell who are close.

This is a fear of mine, doing something super impulsive and either getting hospitalized or taken to jail. The past year so much has been triggering me, anxiety out the ass scaring myself so I've isolated more

 

[L'absent]

Frankly, I don't care what they might understand. I have always said what I think about existence and someone understands while someone else tells me that I have too negative a vision of existence. When they are unable to make pro-life arguments, they reply to me that I prefer to live in illusion rather than see life for what it is. Once we reach that point in the dialogue, I understand their fear and interrupt the discussion. People are not stupid and their inner soul cannot hide the reality. They are aware of the horror they are experiencing and most people have suicidal ideas, but they remain ideas, many times throughout their lives they imagine committing suicide and this paradoxically helps them to sustain their existence. They simply look every day for an excuse to move forward, to make sense of what makes no sense and never will. Life is damned, even for pro-lifers.

 

[simonttt]

I'm hiding it all. Sometimes a friend wants to help me on some stuff without knowing how deep my problems are. If I feel that's she's about to discover the truth, I just stop answering and give elusive answers. I'm always flirting with that, trying to get help but keeping the real truth to myself