Discussion Do you think others can tell?

[painfree]

I can relate to so many comments. I have 2 people who know and understand there's no quality of life and simply respect my choice. the rest must be in denial or think I've miraculous healed. I can't have people know I'm actively planning because they would commit me. I'm usually quiet/anxious just add jokes & smiles. My sister is hardest cause she knows how to read people, she worked 911 dispatch for 20 years I do wear my mask everywhere but it's very draining.almost feel like I have 2 personalities I've been doing it so long.

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

I wish they could. Outright asking for help would either put me at risk, or be selfish to them and their lives. It's manipulative, but I just want them to see it and try to help themselves.

That way I can't be blamed for taking over their lives and free time. I just want at least a bit more interaction, some more care. That's all. But I fight with myself feeling manipulative about trying to reach out covertly by putting things in my status online.

 

[TapeMachine]

I'm nothing like I used to be. But a lot of people might equate that to my having quit alcohol a few years ago (after having had a 15 year habit)?

Either way, I'm a ghost now. I never leave the house. I dropped all of my friends, and I'm pretty much already dead to my family because they never hear from me or see me. I think the differences in my behavior (social vs antisocial) are glaringly obvious, but people forget about you eventually when you pull a disappearing act. Out of sight, out of mind, ya know?

 

[groucho]

I'm not very good at hiding my moods but I don't think people expect your suicidal as they don't want to think it's possible, however I'm careful not to mention death or joke about suicide around people.

 

[lamy2006]

Some people know, but that's only because I told them.
I'm very good at pretending to be alright.

When I was younger, it was much more obvious but less concerning because I had no idea what I was doing, or how I would ctb.

 

[waistcoat]

unfortunately, some people close to me know. i wish i could change that. but i think they knew anyway. i never told anyone i was suicidal, at least, not up until recently, but it's not a big leap to guess i am based on my health

 

[isolatedl111]

Do you think others around you can tell that you're actively or passively suicidal? Is there anything you're doing to try to hide it from others? Or are you trying to give hints as a cry for help?

I personally think I'm doing a very good job at hiding it, but there are definetely some obvious signs others will look back on when I pass. I think my suicide will be very shocking to others because I seem to be doing very well right now, though I think everyone would agree that I was going to die by suicide at some point, just not this soon.

When I was younger and suicidal, it was very obvious. I would tell myself that I didn't want anyone else to know, but I would leave out my diary full of suicidal thoughts in an open space for my parents to look through. I think I was subconsciously making it obvious as a cry for help. I didn't really want to die, I just wanted to escape from my problems. This time around, I actually want to die and be sucessful with it, so I'm being as careful as possible to make sure it happens. I'm acting normal, joyful, talking about plans for the future, etc.

Probably, I barely go out and if I do it's for school and I don't speak to a single human there

 

[nogods4me]

I doubt many people would know in my case but that is because I was always viewed as a marginal for other reasons and nowadays I am almost never around anyone for very long.

 

[dontwakemeup]

I use to be so angry and very open to everyone that I wanted to kill myself and made no apologies about it! Why should I have to hide from the abuse and trauma I endured? I felt and still feel justifiable.

After my 5150, I quickly learned to shut my mouth! My 5150 was the worse experience, it was like being traumatized all over. I no longer talk to those who had any part of me getting a 5150 on me. So you want me quiet? I gave them what they wanted and detached from them completely and told them all why.

I'll always be suicidal, I don't think it's something one can ever get over, I'm not active. My co-workers would be shocked as I don't give any clues. I'm the happiest in the room. I don't accept new friends. Those who knew me prior won't be shocked, I never hid it.

I don't want to be saved, don't need help. I've accepted it, and plan to walk the rest of my life alone. If I go, I won't leave any notes, I've said everything I wanted. It's just a matter of will I take the risk again because I'll be in big trouble if it doesn't work.

 

[nogods4me]

I use to be so angry and very open to everyone that I wanted to kill myself and made no apologies about it! Why should I have to hide from the abuse and trauma I endured? I felt and still feel justifiable.

After my 5150, I quickly learned to shut my mouth! My 5150 was the worse experience, it was like being traumatized all over. I no longer talk to those who had any part of me getting a 5150 on me. So you want me quiet? I gave them what they wanted and detached from them completely and told them all why.

I'll always be suicidal, I don't think it's something one can ever get over, I'm not active. My co-workers would be shocked as I don't give any clues. I'm the happiest in the room. I don't accept new friends. Those who knew me prior won't be shocked, I never hid it.

I don't want to be saved, don't need help. I've accepted it, and plan to walk the rest of my life alone. If I go, I won't leave any notes, I've said everything I wanted. It's just a matter of will I take the risk again because I'll be in big trouble if it doesn't work.

If you are able to be paradoxically but genuinely happy while accepting that you will always be suicidal and even hoping to be able to achieve self-delivery someday, then you may just have achieved enlightenment. I salute you!

 

[dontwakemeup]

If you are able to be paradoxically but genuinely happy while accepting that you will always be suicidal and even hoping to be able to achieve self-delivery someday, then you may just have achieved enlightenment. I salute you!

I'll never be genuinely happy. I have dysthmia so I'm functional. Am I lonely? Probably so, but when I have to censor what I say to people then I sensor them. I don't care to hear anyone's problems, crisis, or anything that's bothering them. I don't want to be anyone's outlet because that option was stolen to me. Now I'm very honest here, but I won't listen to anyone unless I'm getting paid while at work. I turn my ringer off and detactch from the few people that are left.

 

[nogods4me]

I'll never be genuinely happy. I have dysthmia so I'm functional. Am I lonely? Probably so, but when I have to censor what I say to people then I sensor them. I don't care to hear anyone's problems, crisis, or anything that's bothering them. I don't want to be anyone's outlet because that option was stolen to me. Now I'm very honest here, but I won't listen to anyone unless I'm getting paid while at work. I turn my ringer off and detactch from the few people that are left.

Sorry to hear you were not able to successfully rise above typical human needs, it would be impressive because it is so uncommon. I am with you 100 percent about not listening to people who you feel you can´t talk to about it. That is more than justified.

 

[Warlord's Pulse]

For now I'm doing a pretty good job at deceiving my family, but my close friends know, not because they deduced but because I simply told them, they can't do shit about it

 

[uselessflesh]

absolutely but i too can tell that they feel helpless and i regret making it an obvious thing with me to want to die now but unfortunately it is so, and a part of me too overwhelming to conceal. and sometimes i can tell they pity me, and it's too late to save my image. they're all preparing with intent to leave me and i'm only helping them by withdrawing so that it won't hurt anyone as much when i gain the courage to go through with it

 

[broken_doll]

nope
either they don't care, or can't tell, but both lead to everyone being oblivious. i'm hoping its the latter, though. it feels better

i'm not sure if i'd want anyone to notice or care but. it's easier this way, i hate forcing people to care

 

[mattoman]

I'm sure some can tell, especially those I've been open about it. Though back when I told them, it was like "Oh no! Anyways…" type of moment. It was never brought back up and maybe forgotten. My friends could maybe tell that I'm not feeling well, I doubt my co-workers would though. I can easily hide my anxiety and depression as a joke, I'm 100% sure they wouldn't have any idea how I'm actually feeling. But I don't think they need to know either. I mean I don't know their health problems and I can't imagine a situation at a work place where I could ever just casually mention "hey I wanna ctb, btw"

 

[Opera]

My friends and partner know. They don't want me to CTB but honestly, I have been wanting it so bad and it makes my suffering longer when they say to not do it. I only live for them, but I just don't want to continue.

 

[sximii]

I have a history, had many attempts and was in hospitals for it many times. I also used to be catatonic before meds. So obviously my family and close friends know. For new people, I sometimes over share which I always feel ashamed of so I try not to. Even so I had some people in my school go to me, ask if everything is okay in life, it's obvious that SOMETHING is wrong.