
Mara09
Tired
- Feb 6, 2021
- 41
It feels so restriciting, free will is a joke, in the end we're all just bags of flesh with a bunch of biological needs and instincs and our main goal is procreation.
For me specifically what I've always hated is the fact that I'm female, I've cried about it ever since I was a teenager. If you think about it nature fucks us over so badly, we're easily overpowered and hurt/raped/killed by men (I'd also like to note that in a lot of other species females would at physically be able to defend themselves/run away, but human females are just pathetically weak for some reason), but nature obviously doesn't give a fuck about that, we're not particularly more intelligent or skilled at anything useful. The only thing we have is ~childbirth~, except that can also kill you, fuck you up permanently or just temporarily in some way, shape or form (like making you lose your teeth or incontinence). Oh, not to mention how much of our value in society is determined by our looks but post-pregnancy bodies don't exactlxy fit into that standard. We should be happy to bring another human into this world, but it just seems like such a pointless cycle. Why would I push my fucked up genes onto another human, only for them to then have to suffer and work 40h or worse per week in a world that is gettng more fucked up by the day? But hey, I've also been called mentally ill and broken for being a woman that doesn't want kids. After all it's a miracle and the surivial of the human race basically depends on women being fine with birthing kids. I think I would actually mind it less if at least people simply looked at it as what it is, just another biological function, but all the sappiness around it makes it worse, especially from some religious nutcases.
I also don't like the way women behave around babies, they seem braindead to me. I personally don't think any rational human would ever go through childbirth and want to do it again, but once again you just become high on hormones and it messes with your brain badly enough to be fine with it.
I've also hung out around extreme feminism forums (more out of curiosity, I've hung around pretty much every part of the internet) and a lot of them say that men are useless post reproduction, think of black widows that eat the males after reproudcing or bees where the males also die once they've done their part. There's also matriarchies, both in the animal kingdom and supposedly some human societies. But honestly they don't differ from our societies that much, women are still primarily there for babies, men just have less power in them. I've read some feminist literature and nothing really impressed me tbh. Some of it just says that males are useless and should be discarded, which once again just seems to me like proof that nature is cold and uncaring, it's not exactly something that I'd consider empowering.
I just find it boring how so much in nature revolves around reproducing, even if it makes sense because nature prioritizes survival and resources for survival over absolutely anything, it doesn't care much about pain. (On a side note, just think about how many problems in our society are directly or indirectly caused by our sex drive, natural selection etc.)
Maybe I'm selfish, but I think there's a lot of stuff to enjoy and a lot of things I want to enjoy that having nothing to do with kids, but especially as I'm getting older I can't get the "shouldn't you just be having babies and be happy about it" out of my head. Think about it, humans have the ability to create so much, from art to books to music to making scientific discoveries, why do people have to be so reductionist. Sometimes I think I'd rather be a less intelligent animal or something unable to think much, at least then I wouldn't have much of an alternative to the cycle and wouldn't even care about it. Like if I'm reborn just make me a goddamn amoeba.
Does this make me suicidal? Well no, it's not the only factor, but it is part of it, so I wanted to write about it. Even if I hypothetically got my life together (I won't) this is something that I can't get rid of, no matter what. My stupid brain will always come up with thoughts to torture me with, be it this or maybe something else. I can't ever think positively, I just see the bad in everything. It also doesn't help that a lot of my interests are what's still considered typically male (don't get me wrong, I do like some more "feminine" stuff as well), but it's 2021 and I still have to see people make a big deal out of things like "gamer girls" etc. like I just want to enjoy things in peace, I'm so tired of the stupid labels,
Also I think generally the view someone has on life is something that is often overlooked, but it does contribute to how likely a person is to be suicidal. For example, a person that is unattractive; someone might say "looks don't matter", genuinely believe that and would try to find meaning in something else and live their life. Someone else might think "this means I'm closer to the bottom of human society, I will never have the same status as someone attractive, sex is something vital for humans yet I will have much more trouble with it, this is unfair, why would I have to deal with this bs, I'm basically a genetic failure".
Well, guess which one of the two is more likely to ctb.
Also sorry for potential typos, I don't like typing on this keyboard and might have overlooked some even with proofreading.
For me specifically what I've always hated is the fact that I'm female, I've cried about it ever since I was a teenager. If you think about it nature fucks us over so badly, we're easily overpowered and hurt/raped/killed by men (I'd also like to note that in a lot of other species females would at physically be able to defend themselves/run away, but human females are just pathetically weak for some reason), but nature obviously doesn't give a fuck about that, we're not particularly more intelligent or skilled at anything useful. The only thing we have is ~childbirth~, except that can also kill you, fuck you up permanently or just temporarily in some way, shape or form (like making you lose your teeth or incontinence). Oh, not to mention how much of our value in society is determined by our looks but post-pregnancy bodies don't exactlxy fit into that standard. We should be happy to bring another human into this world, but it just seems like such a pointless cycle. Why would I push my fucked up genes onto another human, only for them to then have to suffer and work 40h or worse per week in a world that is gettng more fucked up by the day? But hey, I've also been called mentally ill and broken for being a woman that doesn't want kids. After all it's a miracle and the surivial of the human race basically depends on women being fine with birthing kids. I think I would actually mind it less if at least people simply looked at it as what it is, just another biological function, but all the sappiness around it makes it worse, especially from some religious nutcases.
I also don't like the way women behave around babies, they seem braindead to me. I personally don't think any rational human would ever go through childbirth and want to do it again, but once again you just become high on hormones and it messes with your brain badly enough to be fine with it.
I've also hung out around extreme feminism forums (more out of curiosity, I've hung around pretty much every part of the internet) and a lot of them say that men are useless post reproduction, think of black widows that eat the males after reproudcing or bees where the males also die once they've done their part. There's also matriarchies, both in the animal kingdom and supposedly some human societies. But honestly they don't differ from our societies that much, women are still primarily there for babies, men just have less power in them. I've read some feminist literature and nothing really impressed me tbh. Some of it just says that males are useless and should be discarded, which once again just seems to me like proof that nature is cold and uncaring, it's not exactly something that I'd consider empowering.
I just find it boring how so much in nature revolves around reproducing, even if it makes sense because nature prioritizes survival and resources for survival over absolutely anything, it doesn't care much about pain. (On a side note, just think about how many problems in our society are directly or indirectly caused by our sex drive, natural selection etc.)
Maybe I'm selfish, but I think there's a lot of stuff to enjoy and a lot of things I want to enjoy that having nothing to do with kids, but especially as I'm getting older I can't get the "shouldn't you just be having babies and be happy about it" out of my head. Think about it, humans have the ability to create so much, from art to books to music to making scientific discoveries, why do people have to be so reductionist. Sometimes I think I'd rather be a less intelligent animal or something unable to think much, at least then I wouldn't have much of an alternative to the cycle and wouldn't even care about it. Like if I'm reborn just make me a goddamn amoeba.
Does this make me suicidal? Well no, it's not the only factor, but it is part of it, so I wanted to write about it. Even if I hypothetically got my life together (I won't) this is something that I can't get rid of, no matter what. My stupid brain will always come up with thoughts to torture me with, be it this or maybe something else. I can't ever think positively, I just see the bad in everything. It also doesn't help that a lot of my interests are what's still considered typically male (don't get me wrong, I do like some more "feminine" stuff as well), but it's 2021 and I still have to see people make a big deal out of things like "gamer girls" etc. like I just want to enjoy things in peace, I'm so tired of the stupid labels,
Also I think generally the view someone has on life is something that is often overlooked, but it does contribute to how likely a person is to be suicidal. For example, a person that is unattractive; someone might say "looks don't matter", genuinely believe that and would try to find meaning in something else and live their life. Someone else might think "this means I'm closer to the bottom of human society, I will never have the same status as someone attractive, sex is something vital for humans yet I will have much more trouble with it, this is unfair, why would I have to deal with this bs, I'm basically a genetic failure".
Well, guess which one of the two is more likely to ctb.
Also sorry for potential typos, I don't like typing on this keyboard and might have overlooked some even with proofreading.
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