I cannot stress enough how much these words ring true to me.
I don't really try anymore. I'm here, I'm there, I'm doing whatever I'm doing at any given moment. I have this resigned disinterest and disappointment. Just hoping for something that would reinvigorate me, for someone to say or do something novel or original.
That's what I thought when I was 15, there are no special words that can change me, those are stories imo.
Someone coming right now and saying to me "You're my reason to live, you might think dying is the thing you should do but it isn't, even if you want to defy the nature of being human, that's not the answer, I can understand you, why not try to live."
I would just respond with , okay , and? why should that change anything about me? I knew you existed, I knew you are rare and I knew what you'd likely say to me, even if you said the complete opposite, it wouldn't have some grand effect. You're talking to a kid who's been abused and had all their life to talk to themselves, is there really any meaningful conversation I didn't have with myself yet? Probably not.