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WhatCouldHaveBeen32

(O__O)==>(X__X)
Oct 12, 2024
453
Like if I do shit it's almost like I'm trying hard to be a human you know? Why would I even try, it's all so boring and obviously fake, no? I mean I can't be the only one who feels this way. Or maybe I am
 
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sheeplit

Member
Mar 8, 2023
21
it's all so boring
I cannot stress enough how much these words ring true to me.

I don't really try anymore. I'm here, I'm there, I'm doing whatever I'm doing at any given moment. I have this resigned disinterest and disappointment. Just hoping for something that would reinvigorate me, for someone to say or do something novel or original.
 
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WhatCouldHaveBeen32

(O__O)==>(X__X)
Oct 12, 2024
453
I cannot stress enough how much these words ring true to me.

I don't really try anymore. I'm here, I'm there, I'm doing whatever I'm doing at any given moment. I have this resigned disinterest and disappointment. Just hoping for something that would reinvigorate me, for someone to say or do something novel or original.
That's what I thought when I was 15, there are no special words that can change me, those are stories imo.

Someone coming right now and saying to me "You're my reason to live, you might think dying is the thing you should do but it isn't, even if you want to defy the nature of being human, that's not the answer, I can understand you, why not try to live."

I would just respond with , okay , and? why should that change anything about me? I knew you existed, I knew you are rare and I knew what you'd likely say to me, even if you said the complete opposite, it wouldn't have some grand effect. You're talking to a kid who's been abused and had all their life to talk to themselves, is there really any meaningful conversation I didn't have with myself yet? Probably not.
 
somewhatdeadly

somewhatdeadly

Member
Jun 6, 2025
32
i don't desire anything except shit my body(eating,breathing etc.) or people around me impose onto me.
 
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sheeplit

Member
Mar 8, 2023
21
You're talking to a kid who's been abused and had all their life to talk to themselves, is there really any meaningful conversation I didn't have with myself yet? Probably not.
I've had thousands of conversations with myself at this point. I've played with ideas in my head, turned conversations around, over and under, in any way I could conceive. It's rare for anyone to say anything to me that provides any insight. Different people, different words, but, in the end, nothing particularly new or useful. I can very much relate to what you're saying here, even if we may differ largely in the particulars of our lives.
 
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Dejected 55

Dejected 55

Enlightened
May 7, 2025
1,052
I do as little as possible. Mostly just stay inside and eat and sleep and watch TV.
 
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amerie

amerie

an earthworm sprinkled with salt (PFP is Lara Raj)
Oct 6, 2024
678
It's been like this for years

Well obviously I have hobbies and extracurriculars, work and school shit but I did the bare minimum that I was required and just went home and slept, still do

My depression has gotten worse the past 2 weeks so I've literally been doing nothing, i just brushed my matted hair for the first time in a while yesterday and im fighting to not sit in bed and just rot. I just want to tell myself that the pervasive emptiness was so much better than the pain I currently have. Stupid ungrateful bitch.
 
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SomewhereAlongThe

SomewhereAlongThe

Arcanist
May 17, 2024
420
Yep, I've give up on life, and on hope. I feel so drained inside, all I really do is stay at home, watch tv shows and eat food. I literally do not do much more than that. If I had a passion I could do, I would direct all my energy towards that and be immersed in it. Life would be worth living, and I wouldn't attempt to kill myself soon.
 
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FoxSauce

FoxSauce

Emotional unstable like and IKEA table
Aug 23, 2024
717
Honestly yes. Sadly dont have a choice in the matter. Plus my goal is to move out so I have to work hard to achieve that.

I dont want to do anything from how anxiety inducing it is.

Anxiety gets way to much but I cant relax even if i sit foen for 5 minutes doing nothing cuz im used to it.

But i could be in a lot of pain but I'm so stuborn or ill think ill get into trouble.
 
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BrownNoise

BrownNoise

I cant believe this is how life turned out
Sep 13, 2024
14
Like if I do shit it's almost like I'm trying hard to be a human you know? Why would I even try, it's all so boring and obviously fake, no? I mean I can't be the only one who feels this way. Or maybe I am
I feel the same way almost all the time. Almost, because I have a few hobbies that somehow keep me happy. I'm super lucky for that.
 
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likelyonthespectrum

one day closer
Jul 18, 2025
9
i don't desire anything except shit my body(eating,breathing etc.) or people around me impose onto me.
This is pretty much it for me as well and it's part of the reason i try to avoid social interaction unless its imposed on me or im forced into it. I've burnt so many bridges with people because I didn't really have anything I wanted from the other person. Human relationships work on a trade where you offer something and, in return, expect something back, whether consciously or not. This doesn't work well if you don't really desire anything from anyone, so doing favors or helping others all the time usually just ends up with me burning out and laying low or cutting contact. And whenever they try to go out of their way to offer help on something, I sometimes accept even though I don't really need it or already know it, which actually just makes things harder instead of easier. I despise the way I am.
 
somewhatdeadly

somewhatdeadly

Member
Jun 6, 2025
32
This is pretty much it for me as well and it's part of the reason i try to avoid social interaction unless its imposed on me or im forced into it. I've burnt so many bridges with people because I didn't really have anything I wanted from the other person. Human relationships work on a trade where you offer something and, in return, expect something back, whether consciously or not. This doesn't work well if you don't really desire anything from anyone, so doing favors or helping others all the time usually just ends up with me burning out and laying low or cutting contact. And whenever they try to go out of their way to offer help on something, I sometimes accept even though I don't really need it or already know it, which actually just makes things harder instead of easier. I despise the way I am.
I feel you. Honestly i just want this to be over with.
 
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