Venting Does anyone feel like therapy is useless?

[Tiredofit25]

I'm usually a lurker and dont really post, but i want to get this off my chest. I don't really see the point in therapy, whenever you express your issues to people. They always say to "get therapy" but therapy is all cope to me. I had a session with my therapist the other day where I explained to her how my financial situation is one of my main contributors to my anxiety, bitterness, self loathing and suicidality, I told her how I feel like all my efforts to overcome it go no where and usually lead to dissapointement and therefore amplify my self hatred. She then told me for 20 minutes how money doesnt bring happiness and isn't Important. I would understand this statement if I was wealthy but I don't and she knows, which is why it irked me to basically hear such a privileged take. It's easy for you to say that money isn't important while having an iPhone 14 in your hands worth hundreds and wearing 200€ pairs of Nike shoes. For me however, money IS important and would bring me happiness or at least make life slightly bearable as my personal needs would be met . And she's had many takes like this that I find unbearable and out of touch.

Whenever I tell her about my suicidal thoughts and depression, she tries to change the subject as if expressing these things bothers her because ig she thinks it's too grim or shatters her bluepilled worldview. And addition to that, most of her advice and perspective on such subjects I find generic and superficial and I feel like her insight adds brings nothing to the table, she basically tells me things that I already know. Ive seen better advice on reddit and using AI. I guess it is hard to actually offer profound advice when you've never been through any hardship in life and can't relate. I know she doesnt represent all therapists but I starting to notice a huge trend and I've seen many people bring up the same thing. I feel like most therapists are privileged or grew up so and therefore it is harder for them to relate and actually offer a deeper perspective for people who are not or who did not.

If your life is objectively trash, whether that may be due to trauma, poverty or chronic illness etc. I dont see how therapy would work as it won't change your objective reality. It may be useful if your life is objectively good but you are depressed for some reason. I guess it may help you delude yourself , which is fine if that's what you want. But I dont think most people with issues that are actually negatively affecting their reality want to be deluded or be dismissed but want useful solutions along with good insight on these issues to help them cope and overcome it.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

She then told me for 20 minutes how money doesnt bring happiness and isn't Important.

LMAO - honestly, I wouldn't be suicidal if I had enough money. I totally relate that lack of money (and everything that comes with it) can make people suicidal. Money is the fuel of the world.

I'm pretty sure your therapist (like any other) is happy to have a good income. In my case, if I got paid 150$/h for therapy (just an estimate) I wouldn't be suicidal.

Sure, money can't buy everything especially not health.

Therapy can't fix everything.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

It ain't just a feeling. (Personally speaking, as an obvious disclaimer).

 

[blackbeauty]

I'll be honest my experience with therapy was pretty neutral. She didn't push her agenda or her beliefs on me (unlike yours it seems) but she didn't tell me anything new about myself.

The benefits of therapy do not outweigh the price tag though.

 

[Tiredofit25]

LMAO - honestly, I wouldn't be suicidal if I had enough money. I totally relate that lack of money (and everything that comes with it) can make people suicidal. Money is the fuel of the world.

I'm pretty sure your therapist (like any other) is happy to have a good income. In my case, if I got paid 150$/h for therapy (just an estimate) I wouldn't be suicidal.

Sure, money can't buy everything especially not health.

Therapy can't fix everything.

That's true, I do think that with money. You can atleast be able to afford good treatment and care for your health. I dont know why people always bring up therapy as a go to whenever you express hatred or un satisfaction towards life.

I'll be honest my experience with therapy was pretty neutral. She didn't push her agenda or her beliefs on me (unlike yours it seems) but she didn't tell me anything new about myself.

The benefits of therapy do not outweigh the price tag though.

Yeah, the better ones from my knowledge are way too expensive and tend to work private. The cheaper ones honestly don't have much to provide.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Yeah, I think that therapy is useless to somebody like me because therapists aren't able to understand cases that go far outside the norm like mine. Hell, if even the majority of people on this site are unable to understand me, a therapist has no chance. The thing about me is that I see life itself as shitty and death as peace whilst they have automatically assumed from the get go that death is bad and living is good. Additionally, I have never had any goals or motivations in life and a therapist isn't able to comprehend that as everybody has goals in life according to them.

I think that if therapists were open minded to consider cases like me, it could help me even if the extent of the help is only sitting in a comfortable room and venting about my issues for one hour. I'm not necessarily saying that they also have to admit that death is good, they can still think that death is bad but I'd rather have them be open minded... which they aren't. I just want to be able to talk about how life is not meant for me and how I don't have any desires to struggle and fight pointlessly just for me to die anyway.

I personally believe that therapy is meant for those whose issues aren't that bad to begin with as they tend to be the people who want to live life and are highly motivated to do so but have some sort of a problem that can be fixed via therapy. As for me though, I got no chance under the current medical model

 

[EvisceratedJester]

If your life is objectively trash, whether that may be due to trauma, poverty chronic illness etc. I dont see how therapy would work as it won't change your objective reality.

I have seen people who have had to deal with severe issues who have talked about therapy working for them. As to how true those claims really are, I don't know. I'm not them. At the end of the day, therapy is something that is done to help you find better ways to cope with your situation, not something that is meant to magically make your life amazing again. I personally have never gone to therapy before, so I can only speak on very limited knowledge of it based on all the psych courses I've taken so far.

There isn't much that can be done to change one's objective reality outside of maybe creating actual systematic changes and wide-scale social changes. Outside of that, life is just a game of who can cope best with whatever it is they are going through. For some, changing their perspective on things really does end up helping them out significantly. That's why you tend to find a lot of people who use therapy talk about how they have changed their lives. It's because a change in how you view your situation and the world around you can be powerful for some. In other cases, it doesn't do shit because the person may require way more than just that. You can't really judge who therapy will work for based on things, like their "objective reality". A lot of it comes down to individual differences between people. There are people who are in horrific situations who have found that therapy helped them out significantly and there are people who have had pretty good lives overall but who find that therapy isn't enough to treat their mental health issues.

I don't plan on ever trying therapy unless I'm forced into it by family. I don't have any mental health issues and I want to die just because I don't like being alive that much, so it's of no use to me.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'll be honest my experience with therapy was pretty neutral. She didn't push her agenda or her beliefs on me (unlike yours it seems) but she didn't tell me anything new about myself.

The benefits of therapy do not outweigh the price tag though.

I personally believe that therapy is meant for those whose issues aren't that bad to begin with as they tend to be the people who want to live life and are highly motivated to do so but have some sort of a problem that can be fixed via therapy. As for me though, I got no chance under the current medical model

I would say therapy can work and can be beneficial for people if therapy can solve their problems. As long as the actual problems persist then what can therapy do or how can we recover?

It's either we want to cope or we don't want to cope with certain situations.

 

[Tiredofit25]

At the end of the day, therapy is something that is done to help you find better ways to cope with your situation, not something that is meant to magically make your life amazing again

I know therapy isn't really something that is expected to fix all of my problems, but I find many of the therapists, well the cheaper ones I've seen don't offer much perspective or good insight when it comes to certain darker cases, ig. It's basically goes like this " I have nothing to look forward to and I find life unbearable to enjoy" and they will reply with saying " ok, I understand.. " like girl ok .. Thanks for your deep insight into my thoughts along with your profound advice to help me cope. I do watch videos of this male therapist on YouTube and many of his videos have been helpful, maybe because he's one of the few I've seen that has actually been through depression and therefore can offer good insight and an interesting perspective on mental illness.

 

[Hollowman]

It was definitely useless for me.

 

[Willy Wonka]

Therapy traumatised me and all things meaningful as to why my life turned out the way that it was I found out by my own research.
Almost 30 years of therapy and my life and circumstances are unbearable and literally just disgusting.

 

[BlackEyedDog]

... It's because a change in how you view your situation and the world around you can be powerful for some..

This may be a little redundant because I feel EJ's response was well put, that context is king.
For some the situation and the circumstances around them are too powerful to overcome. Which also
emphasizes PM's response in that I would wager that those who don't have financial difficulties are
on average likely to fare better in getting therapy.

I would never tell someone it is not worth trying therapy. Even then you may need to try a few different
therapists until you feel some sort of comfortableness, and for some if they're being honest with themselves
that may include gender. But even this trial and error will be easier for those who can afford the time and money.

Therapy can help to self-reflect, learn about yourself, understand why you are the way you are. Why you
tend to certain ways. That is valuable but even then, understanding is only the beginning. Then you have
to work towards improvement and changes. Work on coping strategies to reduce the suffering. Some
of us the depression is too deep, our circumstances are too much and we learn therapy can't help us.

For some it might require meds and therapy, depression and suicidal thoughts tend to negatively wire our
brains and skew our perception. This is also where careful use of psychedelics might provide a breakthrough
but even that class of drugs is no cure. Not to mention hard to source and expensive for many to procure.

Therapists are also human, and many of them have mentors or their own therapists to help them deal with
all the human suffering they encounter. Certainly some are neophytes, some are overwhelmed, some are
just not good at their jobs. But that is not all.

 

[affirmatice]

I guess for many people with very real things that are going wrong.

The goal of therapy IS essentially to find a way cope with them.

The thing is… I don't want to cope with what's going wrong. The whole reason I'm in therapy is because I have been unable for years to cope with the things that make my life hell.

maybe it's the perfectionist in me speaking. But why should I have to cope. Why should I have to find a way to slowly crawl back and maybe, maybe get some of my life back - though it'll never be the same, it'll never be the life I wanted to live.

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

most of her advice and perspective on such subjects I find generic and superficial and I feel like her insight adds brings nothing to the table, she basically tells me things that I already know. Ive seen better advice on reddit

This sounds just like my experience with therapists. I've tried therapy numerous times, and all I ever got from it was advice that was either a) irrelevant or not applicable to me, or b) something I already knew from my own life experience and research.

A lot of the advice I heard made sense and likely would be helpful for someone else, but it's never been the help I needed. I think I was always just too much of an outlier, with a mixture of issues that are too deep and complex to respond to the standard simplistic boilerplate advice they're used to giving. I tried finding more experienced and specialized therapists, but there's a shortage and I never found one who was worth the time and effort to stick with.

 

[lilyofthevalley404]

I've seen therapy do wanders for people but it can't change your physical situation and on the mental health side they all tend to say the same things and cycle you through CBT and DBT even if it didn't work before and then they try to medicate you which is a complete shot in the dark because they don't know what causes the majority of MH conditions and every one's brain is different so you end up going through hell with side effects while already in a fragile state for the medication to do nothing or make you worse
And even if it works it ends up turning you into a zombie or always in a mild depression while you feel nothing or you have the wrong diagnosis so for example you have bipolar and they give you a ssri and it triggers a manic episode and you end up getting sectioned with long lasting damage to the grey matter of your brain
Perhaps if you get therapy early it could actually help but most conditions are less severe in child hood and get compounded by other stressor or per se you are getting abused and so you can't get therapy and talking for the NHS you end up getting put on a 50000 year waiting list your issues become worse untreated and get put with a therapist who honestly doesn't give a shit

TL;DR therapy can't change your physical situations and maybe in a perfect world it could help with MH if caught and treated early by someone who isn't just following a YouTube tutorial

 

[isolatedl111]

I'm usually a lurker and dont really post, but i want to get this off my chest. I don't really see the point in therapy, whenever you express your issues to people. They always say to "get therapy" but therapy is all cope to me. I had a session with my therapist the other day where I explained to her how my financial situation is one of my main contributors to my anxiety, bitterness, self loathing and suicidality, I told her how I feel like all my efforts to overcome it go no where and usually lead to dissapointement and therefore amplify my self hatred. She then told me for 20 minutes how money doesnt bring happiness and isn't Important. I would understand this statement if I was wealthy but I don't and she knows, which is why it irked me to basically hear such a privileged take. It's easy for you to say that money isn't important while having an iPhone 14 in your hands worth hundreds and wearing 200€ pairs of Nike shoes. For me however, money IS important and would bring me happiness or at least make life slightly bearable as my personal needs would be met . And she's had many takes like this that I find unbearable and out of touch.

Whenever I tell her about my suicidal thoughts and depression, she tries to change the subject as if expressing these things bothers her because ig she thinks it's too grim or shatters her bluepilled worldview. And addition to that, most of her advice and perspective on such subjects I find generic and superficial and I feel like her insight adds brings nothing to the table, she basically tells me things that I already know. Ive seen better advice on reddit and using AI. I guess it is hard to actually offer profound advice when you've never been through any hardship in life and can't relate. I know she doesnt represent all therapists but I starting to notice a huge trend and I've seen many people bring up the same thing. I feel like most therapists are privileged or grew up so and therefore it is harder for them to relate and actually offer a deeper perspective for people who are not or who did not.

If your life is objectively trash, whether that may be due to trauma, poverty or chronic illness etc. I dont see how therapy would work as it won't change your objective reality. It may be useful if your life is objectively good but you are depressed for some reason. I guess it may help you delude yourself , which is fine if that's what you want. But I dont think most people with issues that are actually negatively affecting their reality want to be deluded or be dismissed but want useful solutions along with good insight on these issues to help them cope and overcome it.

yeah. I went to therapy for 3 months and I am also taking meds, Risperidone and Valproate but nothing helps.

 

[divinemistress36]

My therapist is awesome and very empathetic but she cant help my brain damage . Therapy is useful for people with fixable problems

 

[Defenestration]

Yes totally

 

[Shadows From Hell]

Therapy is a joke. That's why every time I went to one, I told them what they wanted to hear, so they would release me from going to therapy quicker.

 

[Scythe]

The problem with therapy is that people seem to not understand it cannot fix physicaly problems. (And a lot of mental problems really) I think some therapstists doesn't understand this either. For example if you're just poor, going to therapy agruably makes it worse because therapy costs money.

It's also heavily dependent on personality and mindset imo, if you're stubborn as fuck and or don't want therapy it likely won't work.

 

[Wonhun]

Yes it is useless. Don't understand what's the point on not solving the root problem but how you cope it. It is literally The Emperor's New Clothes advices, which is such a cop out and pussy move for losers.

 

[Tuonetar_]

The big elephant in the room that they never want to address is the fact that poverty/financial strain is a HUGE source of distress for most people. Sure, money can't "buy" happiness, but money is also what keeps a roof over your head and food in your mouth, and if you want to go out and experience life or develop hobbies, you need to be able to spend at least some money. Even your access to therapy itself is dependent on your financial status... very little in this world is offered "for free."

But the problem is that you can't practice-mindfulness-techniques your way out of poverty or extreme debt. So therapists always end up saying some awkward, empty platitude like "money isn't everything" or "you don't need money to be happy." You do. But it's too depressing for them to say that out loud.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

The problem with therapy (I know I've written extensively about this on here, but can't stop yapping about this topic because it bothers me so much) is that different types of talk therapy are designed for specific issues, but therapy is touted as a universal solution to ANY kind of mental suffering, limitations and contraindications are almost never acknowledged.

Viewing clients as having borderline anosognosia in regards to their level of self-awareness and insight appears to be a feature, not a bug, of the psychotherapy institution to shield itself from such criticisms, even if acknowledging them could greatly advance the field. As long the powers that be refuse to acknowledge that current methods of psychotherapy aren't 100% effective, it is very difficult for the needle to get pushed forward and novel ideas to be pushed out there.

CBT, for example, was designed with the intention to be of use to people dealing with extensive rumination and tendencies to catastrophize/"cognitively distort" situations around them. It's not difficult to see why this type of therapy would be helpful for someone who is worried that others secretly hate them, and have trouble calming down in certain situations where they can't stop their thoughts from racing.

Now, this modality of therapy is marketed towards EVERYONE regardless of what their chief complaint is. PTSD? Treatment resistant depression? Grief? Bipolar disorder? Autism? You're getting sent to CBT. Therein lies the problem, when you generalized and cast a wide net where it isn't appropriate, people will get sent to treatment that might not be effective or make the situation worse.

At the crux of modern therapy is attempting to change thoughts and behaviours. However, I think this can pose an issue when you are suffering from something that has been encoded into your brain since early childhood development, or if you are the sort of person who is already deeply introspective and have constantly been trying new methods to improve your life, to no avail, and having insight and clarity into why something happens with your mental state doesn't bring you any relief.

A lot of people might need assistance with something more practical, for lack of a better word, like finding and maintaining employment, housing, education, and navigating the benefits system, but a lot of therapists aren't trained or equipped to deal with that, and have no shame in taking money from clients that could be spent elsewhere to enrich their life. That is something that really sours the profession as a whole for me at times.

These are just my own opinions though. I've been to over a dozen different therapists, and come across multiple patterns of behavior and styles of therapy that have ultimately been unhelpful to me. However, I have complex PTSD, autism, and also suffer from physical health problems, and this miasma of issues was always seen as being above the paygrade of even the most skilled/experienced therapists I'd come across. I had an extremely bad childhood and no therapist really knows what to make of the situation, I feel as if very few mental health workers actually have experience with complex cases and comorbidities.

As a matter of fact, one of the most recent therapist I had bluntly admitted to me that the mental healthcare system and it's policies, procedures, etc are fundamentally not designed for people with "more than one issue" and especially not complex phenomena like autism, so the best you can hope for is getting reccomended a more generalized intervention. That's just sad, to me. Healthcare (which is what talk therapy advertises itself as) shouldn't be a, shot in the dark, type of business.

In contrast to my experience, I know a person who also had a bad childhood who swears up and down by things like mindfulness, meditation, and DBT principles, and considers themselves to be staunchly pro-therapy. They are very defensive when I calmly say that therapy hasn't been helpful to me, and constantly tries to "convert" me into believing in therapy being a universal good that can always help. We are totally different people with very different personalities and experiences, so it is not worth comparing.

This person will put down others who are struggling and say they don't try hard enough and cause their own misery. Sometimes I wonder if all of this therapy really helped them with their issues, because I feel if something is truly effective you shouldn't have to preach it to others as if it's gospel and market it to them with the same fervor as a cult leader, or defend it's efficacy. To me that is not the mark of a person who is truly satisfied with their life if they need to start arguments with people constantly to defend therapy and spend hours a day consuming therapy related content.

So I have to wonder, if for certain people, that therapy gives them the illusion of feeling secure (after all, you're taking an action to try and change something about your situation by seeking out something like therapy in the first place) but is not creating any lasting effects in one's life in the long term. Then there are those of us whom it is actually helpful for, and those of us whom it does nothing at all for.

Sorry for the rant.

 

[danfritz]

Tried therapy for 3 years, yet here I am on a suicide chat forum

 

[painIess]

Tried nine different therapists including my current one. He's okay for now, but I just had three sessions so far. Two were actually good people, but it wasn't working. The rest actually hurt me and made me much worse
I can't trust anyone and I feel I don't belong anywhere

 

[areyousafe??]

I don't go to therapy with high expectations of anyone "fixing" me or solving my problems. But I do find it helpful knowing that I have somebody to talk to and someone who cares. In that way it benefits me. It's hard, however, talking to someone who I feel cannot relate to my problems. It's comforting to know that someone is willing to spend time listening to me, and wants to help.

 

[ben_]

Being in therapy *feels* like I'm trying to fix myself, like I'm doing something - and that's a good feeling. But other than that, I have to agree with you. This is my third therapist - I'm certain all three wanted me to get better - but I cannot see that happen with therapy alone.

My biggest gripe is that I'm not able to share enough. The most therapeutic moments I've experienced were always those with people in similar shit as me. Someone shares something with me, I share back. It's reciprocal. Therapists rarely share much of anything. They also don't seem to be in much shit. At least they all have jobs! Now that I'm thinking about it - if I wasn't so fucking anxious, I'd probably just go to a train station and buy some cigarettes for the junkies there and invite them for wine or something. I'm guessing it might be more therapeutic than a therapy session.

AI is pretty good. I've just had a chat with it (I've always used ChatGPT in the past, but this was Claude Sonnet) and it gave me some really good insights and actionable advise, very tailored for me. But again, the biggest advantage seems to be that I can share so much more with AI, without worrying that it'll be judgemental or anything.

 

[compulsoryaliveness]

I don't know if I'll say anything that hasn't been said before, but I agree that money is the key problem.

A decade ago I had money for the first time in my life, this was after growing up in poverty and barely surviving early adulthood, and my life became completely manageable. Because I had money.

I had money to pay rent and choose where I lived, I didn't feel trapped there either - I knew I could move somewhere else if I needed to. I had money to get food which meant I didn't end up feeling socially weird at grocery stores because I had to shoplift all the time. I also could afford to pay for transport, so I wasn't having regular interactions with police and authorities.

I also could make different decisions when I felt suicidal - which has been a pretty consistent feeling since I first realised you could do it, I was 8. Different decisions like becoming obsessed with puzzles, going to an arcade on my own when I was angry, getting a laptop because I couldn't write with my hands any more (chronic pain).

Since I stopped having money, I have gone right back there. Right back to suicide as the only option. I've been fighting it and making sure there's no other paths, and to be honest all it does is clarify my decision.

Anyway, money is it for me. And therapists - especially the ones you see as a poor person - are primarily governed by the belief that therapy works best when they direct us back to things we can control. If they take what we say at face value - which is almost always external factors eg poverty - they have no where to go with us. So they are trained to bring up back to things we can control.

Unfortunately, I am not good at accepting these delusions. But I have really tried. I imagine most of us in this forum have.

 

[physai]

I'm usually a lurker and dont really post, but i want to get this off my chest. I don't really see the point in therapy, whenever you express your issues to people. They always say to "get therapy" but therapy is all cope to me. I had a session with my therapist the other day where I explained to her how my financial situation is one of my main contributors to my anxiety, bitterness, self loathing and suicidality, I told her how I feel like all my efforts to overcome it go no where and usually lead to dissapointement and therefore amplify my self hatred. She then told me for 20 minutes how money doesnt bring happiness and isn't Important. I would understand this statement if I was wealthy but I don't and she knows, which is why it irked me to basically hear such a privileged take. It's easy for you to say that money isn't important while having an iPhone 14 in your hands worth hundreds and wearing 200€ pairs of Nike shoes. For me however, money IS important and would bring me happiness or at least make life slightly bearable as my personal needs would be met . And she's had many takes like this that I find unbearable and out of touch.

Whenever I tell her about my suicidal thoughts and depression, she tries to change the subject as if expressing these things bothers her because ig she thinks it's too grim or shatters her bluepilled worldview. And addition to that, most of her advice and perspective on such subjects I find generic and superficial and I feel like her insight adds brings nothing to the table, she basically tells me things that I already know. Ive seen better advice on reddit and using AI. I guess it is hard to actually offer profound advice when you've never been through any hardship in life and can't relate. I know she doesnt represent all therapists but I starting to notice a huge trend and I've seen many people bring up the same thing. I feel like most therapists are privileged or grew up so and therefore it is harder for them to relate and actually offer a deeper perspective for people who are not or who did not.

If your life is objectively trash, whether that may be due to trauma, poverty or chronic illness etc. I dont see how therapy would work as it won't change your objective reality. It may be useful if your life is objectively good but you are depressed for some reason. I guess it may help you delude yourself , which is fine if that's what you want. But I dont think most people with issues that are actually negatively affecting their reality want to be deluded or be dismissed but want useful solutions along with good insight on these issues to help them cope and overcome it.

First, I'm sorry but your therapist kinda sucks, she can't understand what you're going through and a degree won't actually make someone more emphatetic. I've experienced the same with all my attempts at getting therapy. "Go for a walk, find a hobby" my brother in Christ I can't up in the morning for hours and even basic things like brushing my teeth or changing clothes is a burden.

Second, coming from someone that was very poor and lived in harsh conditions but it eventually got better: money does change the game. It gives me more perspective on getting more healthy, paying for insurance, gym membership, meds, treatment, better food, getting nice things you always wanted (dopamine boost hell yeah). Even helping out the fam, friends, it does kinda gives you a sense of purpose. It's certainly not everything. But it does help a fuck lot.

In the end therapy tries to change your perspective on life. But it doesn't work with some people, especially people with severe depression, anxiety, chronic problems. We live in another world.

 

[nogods4me]

It always struck me early on as something dishonest and parasitic. I really wanted to believe in it when I first started but over the years I grew to dislike them. I do think they are useless...at best.