It seems that most of us on this site have one main thing in common. We are all loving, caring empathetic people. As a result we have all been hurt deeply and me for example when I love someone I love hard and pure, yet when that love is lost and I'm alone or rejected I hit the absolute deepest lows. I ruminate constantly and see no worth or value in my life.
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1DayItWillBover
Student
- Dec 21, 2019
- 148
im depressed because im lonely. If i had someone im sure i would be happier
Only if it a positive partner. Be careful because some people can make you a worse person and ruin your life
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Yes I recently was devastated by someone with BPD that pulled me in close for 3-4 months and then three me away. Everything about me and my life sucks
My partner recently broke up with me after 2 years of being together. He was my only friend and I relied on him to keep me company. My depression got really bad recently, and he ended it because he said I was different than I used to be. I'm on this site now, if that says anything about it. It did really help me stay happy throughout the bad times, but you have to be careful.
Beautiful_Disgrace
Invisible shadow
- Mar 8, 2020
- 134
I've been in a relationship with someone for six years who doesn't suffer from mental illness. And I feel just as alone as I did when I was by myself, if not more. I cannot talk to him, he doesn't want to be around me when I'm in my depressive moods which can last for months. But when I'm happy our relationship is great, I guess.
I also have extremely high expectations of my partner during my depressive moods, which has driven people away before. I still stay with him because he understands me enough to not take my...less than sane moments to heart. He has seen all my mental illness first hand, and still chooses to stay. Some days I'm grateful and other days I'm paranoid.
It will always help at the beginning, but once you start getting to know each other for real, it gets scary. Will they accept you at your worst? Or will they leave because they don't want to handle it?
Being with people who also has depression isn't much better.
I also have extremely high expectations of my partner during my depressive moods, which has driven people away before. I still stay with him because he understands me enough to not take my...less than sane moments to heart. He has seen all my mental illness first hand, and still chooses to stay. Some days I'm grateful and other days I'm paranoid.
It will always help at the beginning, but once you start getting to know each other for real, it gets scary. Will they accept you at your worst? Or will they leave because they don't want to handle it?
Being with people who also has depression isn't much better.
the box is empty
Sometimes the fall kills you. Sometimes you fly.
- Mar 8, 2020
- 356
I'm more afraid of getting hurt again. The closer I get to someone the more I worry that my negativity and mental illness will just hurt and drive them away. It's hard to find people in general who are accepting of my mental state. Am I lonely? Sure. But it's for the best. I'm more scared of breaking other people.
So now it's this hedgehog dilemma. The desire to be close to warmth, but the fear that my spines will push them away.
"What happened to us?"
"The same thing that always happens: You didn't know me. Then you fell in love with me. And now you know me."
So now it's this hedgehog dilemma. The desire to be close to warmth, but the fear that my spines will push them away.
"What happened to us?"
"The same thing that always happens: You didn't know me. Then you fell in love with me. And now you know me."
Beautiful_Disgrace
Invisible shadow
- Mar 8, 2020
- 134
Such a great quote. This pretty much sums up all my relationships that somehow get past the casual stage. People think I'm so sweet and funny and then realize how depressed and bitter I actually am despite all warnings. It sucks.
Midnight
Beyond solace
- Jun 30, 2018
- 624
It did for me. Then she left. I had a 2 year break of depression when i finally found someone. But loneliness took over quickly after she up and left. Back into the dark. It'll get the best of me eventually.
I probably would have fell into depression anyway given enough time. I gave everything i could in that relationship because i'm too kind and also probably in the back of the mind fearfull for ending up alone again.
I probably would have fell into depression anyway given enough time. I gave everything i could in that relationship because i'm too kind and also probably in the back of the mind fearfull for ending up alone again.
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TheLastSacrifice
Student
- Feb 14, 2020
- 174
Im trying to respond to your partner megathread post. We are both in Missouri. You can't receive messages yet. Have to post more. We are very close by to each other.
sadgirl2002
Fallen Angel
- Apr 9, 2019
- 452
I'm exactly the same and it hurts a lot to love someone so much. I'm too loving and caring and it's so painful for me and now, it's hurting me more than ever. The one I love is away from me and he has been for over a year now, each day itself is so difficult to get through. This immense love and care I always have is not only for him but for anyone else who is special to me. I didn't have anyone other than him throughout our time apart but sadly, ever since I started working in a preschool a few weeks ago, there is one child who I literally love like he's my own child. I still remember on the day of my interview, after greeting the ladies, I found myself sitting next to him unexpectedly. He looks exactly like a younger version of the one I love... so, I guess I felt more closer to him. I was so happy when I was with him, reading stories for him, talking to him, playing with him, he's only 4. He made me two drawings and he said I could take them home, I can't even explain the immense happiness I felt, like I did on the other days I was with him. Every day I went into the preschool, my heart searches for him. I literally see him as my child, of course, I love the other children too but he's my only special one. And to think, he's not even my child and I feel so much love for him, I wish he was. When I was with him, it's like the void my true love left behind when he left me, was filled. It's like he was there with me, I can't even explain it. I was only able to spend time with him for one week and that one week was so special to me. And now... I don't think he will come into preschool because of this coronavirus issue. Since this virus will probably be here for months and he will be going to school in September, I don't think I will be able to see him ever again...
It hurts so much to be so loving, I see no worth in my life anymore. Now, they're both away from me. I've lost both of them...
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I am with you 1000% with all you have said. I was thrown away and it devastated me.
My "good close friend " turned out to totally not give a shit about me.
sadgirl2002
Fallen Angel
- Apr 9, 2019
- 452
I'm sorry you've gone through so much pain. I understand, I have also been used, betrayed and abandoned by my "best friend and sister" of 8 years...
She was my everything, I did everything for her. Nothing mattered more to us than the bond we had. I distanced from my family for many reasons ever since I started high school, my world revolved around her and the other friends that came in and out of our lives throughout the years. We were always together, no matter what happened. I never thought we would end up like this. We never parted ways even when we had those silly fights in school. She ruined my life for some older boyfriend of hers, who is 10 years older than her, which is the only reason I was driven to suicide. I was the one who had to cut contact off her because the police told me to, after an incident that happened back then. I thought she would have at least came after me but when she didn't, I realized that she never cared like I thought she did. Now, she's still talking to him and I've been out of her life for over a year now. I meant nothing to her, it hurts to know that.
We have s very much in common. It's to bad we can't find people that relate to us in the real world.
sadgirl2002
Fallen Angel
- Apr 9, 2019
- 452
We have very much in common indeed. The one I love is the only one who can relate to me as we've been through exactly the same things. I felt a true connection with him, in fact, I felt more connected with him than that so-called best friend and I knew the girl for 8 years. He's the only one who truly understands me... and he's gone. I won't find anyone else like him, I can only hope he comes back. I truly hope you find someone who understands you. Sending you hugs.
Thankyou so very much. I hope that you once again find that also.
muffin222
Enlightened
- Mar 31, 2020
- 1,188
Depends on the other person.
I mean, there are those who were mentally healthy and their partners shattered their minds, and those whose partners helped them put the pieces back together.
I mean, there are those who were mentally healthy and their partners shattered their minds, and those whose partners helped them put the pieces back together.
homebound
fallen angel
- Jan 19, 2020
- 36
I'm in a relationship, and I am still depressed, in fact my mental health is worse. I am so insecure that relationships ruin me. My bpd makes me super clingy and obsessive, and since my partner is my fp, it eats me alive constantly. I am better off by myself, but I cannot help but to fall in love with people and I hate it.
Darkmoon Queen
Specialist
- Apr 1, 2020
- 396
In my experience, partners make you feel considerably worse. I don't think most know the meaning of real love and - within reason - self sacrifice. You steadily get scapegoated for everything that goes wrong because YOU have issues and no matter how you open up and say how certain things would help, it's never listened to and that just builds resentment and feelings of loneliness. You become a convenient cover for the shitty behaviour of others if you have issues you can't or won't hide.
it helps me i guess. but it also gives me a horrible sense of guilt that i'm going to really hurt this person by ctbing. so maybe that guilt is why im still here and i'm not sure if that's the healthiest thing or not
MisanthropyInsanity
Member
- Apr 2, 2020
- 9
I just wish I had someone who loved me. Someone who would make me look forward to the next day, be my rock, and my companion. If someone loved me I wouldn't kill myself, but that'll never happen. I'm too ugly to ever be loved. Everytime I look in the mirror, I can't fathom how anyone would ever want me. I'm pathetic, I don't belong on this planet. I'll only ever find peace when I am dead.
itsamadworld
i wanna die somewhere like up there
- Mar 15, 2020
- 410
It's helpful. I hang around my ex-boyfriend a lot. He's really extroverted, and I am not. I have BPD, Aspburgers, and I seem to be able to make friends/aquantainces pretty easily. I think people with BPD can survive in a more herd-like environment. At least for me. I did alright in the military as a female, by simply avoiding romantic relationships most of the time. When I removed the romantic relationships, there is little to no drama with me. In fact, I can get along with men, women, people with children, sick people....etc....so long as no one is messing with my emotions romantically......romance is my Achilles heel, even though I still desire it.....I just wouldn't want to bring it into my work-life. Burned and I learned...I don't wanna shit where i eat- type of thing.....and that's how i feel if i bring romance into my work life.
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My ex was quite controlling/demanding and massively insecure. But in a weird way that helped me forget my own issues. I rallied around for her and suppressed my own needs in a way.
I would like to find someone else, I want the family life etc. I just don't see it happening though.
I would like to find someone else, I want the family life etc. I just don't see it happening though.
dandan
One more attempt on life.
- Feb 18, 2019
- 1,298
After 20 years of depression I couldn't commit to a relationship and today I feel it was a mistake
sadgirl2002
Fallen Angel
- Apr 9, 2019
- 452
I'm sorry to hear that, depression really makes us lose ourselves a lot. I doubt mine will get any better but I'll see, I guess.
bunny
保管
- Oct 3, 2018
- 364
a bit. he makes me feel a bit more valued, like i have a purpose in something. there are just certain things about me that he will never understand. there's a degree of loneliness in that, but i don't think it will kill me.
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