Don't know why I'm still here

[Arrival03]

I've been living the same day on repeat for almost five years now. Can't drive and don't have any money, so there's basically nothing I can do. I want to try having a job before killing myself, but it's going to be at least a year until I can. Getting a driver's licence is taking months, actually getting a job is going to take several months, and even if I do get one I don't know if I'll be able to hold onto it. Having a job most likely won't change anything, so I don't know why I even bother. Not sure why I'm still alive, I have no future, but I continue to cling on despite that.

 

[nails]

i understand how monotonous days can make you feel and i'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. it's nice to hear that you're still working towards those big accomplishments like getting your driver's license and a job. doing those things can be intimidating for most people, especially if you're struggling with depression and/or other mental illnesses. even if you don't see a point, your effort is still commendable and i hope you recognize that.
having a job can definitely change things. of course, it depends on the job and person; but having that change, and of course, money can help a lot and i hope it helps you feel a bit better.
regardless of how things play out, i hope you find some amount of peace. feel free to reach out if you need anything.