Cherry Crumpet
Hiraeth
- May 7, 2018
- 280
The person who did is now suspended. I'm still pissed off over it though. This place was my safe haven, where I felt comforted, welcomed, met with compassion and understanding. After this happened I lost that sense of this place feeling like my 'security blanket' or my safe space.
I made a post about how I might lose my job, and how devastated that would leave me. At the time I made that post, it really did feel like if I lost my job, I don't know what other option I would have.. living under a bridge .. what about my mom? (who I am also supporting!)
Most ppl were very understanding, and left comforting words, or just a kind reaction. One person though... To sum it up here's their own words:
What makes me upset is i wasn't able to directly confront them. They got banned within the 5-7ish hour time span that I was not on the forum. I only know what they wrote b/c another member quoted it in their reply to them.
The one positive is that other users went to town on this person over what they said, and to this day I feel comforted and very grateful to the users that did that.
I'm not making this thread to bitch about my own circumstances or how this reply from this person pissed me off.. (well, I did kinda.. but it's not the main point).
My main point is this person had no idea of the context of my life. They had no idea what I had gone through, what I was going through, or really anything. They just dismissed everything I wrote, said it was hogwash, that *other people including them* had gone through mental and physical pain (that I assume they think I couldn't even fathom), and that I was making a really stupid decision to CBT over something like losing a crappy job.
If this person had been around long enough to see my reply, they would have seen that my response that day was the result of four+ years worth of dealing with trauma from having my Mom sexually abused by the person I considered my father, losing nearly my entire family because they didn't believe her, my mom and I both being discarded like garbage by the person I grew up with who was my 'Dad', throwing us under the bus. And how that seriously fucked both of us up for a good 2-3 years. Oh - and my mom having to come live in my 1 bdroom apt, cause she has no money. So we were freaking out and also had no personal space. A knife was thrown at one point. It was a bad time in my life.
Everything felt like it was upside down or inverted. Like I couldn't trust reality anymore because my reality broke from what they did. I guess that's how to explain it. And well, the one thing I had during this period was my little job. It was a routine. It stayed the same. I knew what to expect. It was normal. Nothing else was normal anymore except for it.
So you see, person quick to judge others, it wasn't a response over 'losing a crappy job'... it was a response to the idea that the last thing in my life that I had been holding onto like a rock was about to be taken away from me. Replace 'job' with anything else that had the same role and my response would have been the same.
And would I have CBT over losing it.. I don't know. I haven't yet. I don't think I would. I'd fight really hard first. If I couldn't find anyway to support myself and my mom.. I don't know then. BUT...
Back to why Im making this.
Please...
DO NOT tell someone their reasons for wanting to CBT or having suicidal thoughts or suicidal ideation are stupid or dumb. You (as in plural you, addressing everyone), as a poster on this forum, have no context for what the other members are going through on here, and to write off their reasons for getting triggered as silly and dumb not only makes them feel invalidated and unwelcome, it also takes away the sense of security this place comes to offer people in situations like ours.
That people will understand or at least try to.
That we will not be judged.
That we will be welcomed.
That we will be valued.
That we will feel safe, in this very unique space.
I made a post about how I might lose my job, and how devastated that would leave me. At the time I made that post, it really did feel like if I lost my job, I don't know what other option I would have.. living under a bridge .. what about my mom? (who I am also supporting!)
Most ppl were very understanding, and left comforting words, or just a kind reaction. One person though... To sum it up here's their own words:
What makes me upset is i wasn't able to directly confront them. They got banned within the 5-7ish hour time span that I was not on the forum. I only know what they wrote b/c another member quoted it in their reply to them.
The one positive is that other users went to town on this person over what they said, and to this day I feel comforted and very grateful to the users that did that.
I'm not making this thread to bitch about my own circumstances or how this reply from this person pissed me off.. (well, I did kinda.. but it's not the main point).
My main point is this person had no idea of the context of my life. They had no idea what I had gone through, what I was going through, or really anything. They just dismissed everything I wrote, said it was hogwash, that *other people including them* had gone through mental and physical pain (that I assume they think I couldn't even fathom), and that I was making a really stupid decision to CBT over something like losing a crappy job.
If this person had been around long enough to see my reply, they would have seen that my response that day was the result of four+ years worth of dealing with trauma from having my Mom sexually abused by the person I considered my father, losing nearly my entire family because they didn't believe her, my mom and I both being discarded like garbage by the person I grew up with who was my 'Dad', throwing us under the bus. And how that seriously fucked both of us up for a good 2-3 years. Oh - and my mom having to come live in my 1 bdroom apt, cause she has no money. So we were freaking out and also had no personal space. A knife was thrown at one point. It was a bad time in my life.
Everything felt like it was upside down or inverted. Like I couldn't trust reality anymore because my reality broke from what they did. I guess that's how to explain it. And well, the one thing I had during this period was my little job. It was a routine. It stayed the same. I knew what to expect. It was normal. Nothing else was normal anymore except for it.
So you see, person quick to judge others, it wasn't a response over 'losing a crappy job'... it was a response to the idea that the last thing in my life that I had been holding onto like a rock was about to be taken away from me. Replace 'job' with anything else that had the same role and my response would have been the same.
And would I have CBT over losing it.. I don't know. I haven't yet. I don't think I would. I'd fight really hard first. If I couldn't find anyway to support myself and my mom.. I don't know then. BUT...
Back to why Im making this.
Please...
DO NOT tell someone their reasons for wanting to CBT or having suicidal thoughts or suicidal ideation are stupid or dumb. You (as in plural you, addressing everyone), as a poster on this forum, have no context for what the other members are going through on here, and to write off their reasons for getting triggered as silly and dumb not only makes them feel invalidated and unwelcome, it also takes away the sense of security this place comes to offer people in situations like ours.
That people will understand or at least try to.
That we will not be judged.
That we will be welcomed.
That we will be valued.
That we will feel safe, in this very unique space.
