Story Failed Opiate/Benzo Overdose

[bennydiazapine]

Hi there,

Joined in early Dec and have been reading a lot of the threads, thought I would share my (Unsuccessful) attempt.
On DEC 6th I checked into a hotel with my supplies all ready, I went back home spent some time with my parents and told them I was going out for the night and would be back in the morning - I left a note on my bed with the spare key and the hotel number knowing they would find it in the morning when they opened the door to let my dog out.

Around 8:00pm I began preparing all my opiates/benzos for consumption, I had prepared myself 2 days before with a similar Anti-Anemic schedule that is recommended for the SN, I thought this would be required as I would have well over 200+ tablets sitting in my belly.

I took;

1180mg of oxycodone
-5x boxes of Endone (5mg, 20 per box)
-4x Oxy 80's (Snorted)
-9x Oxy 40's (Crushed and taken Orally)

500mg Codeine (Whole bottle of syrup)

50mg Xanax
300mg Vallium

Whole box of Promethazine Tablets (x50)
Whole Box of Doxyalamine Tablets (x25)

1000mg Barbiturates (Phenobarbital 250mg x4)

Last thing I remember is snorting a line of Oxy and walking to the loungeroom of the hotel room I was staying in.

When the paramedics found me they said I was kneeling hunched over on the floor at the foot of the Bed in the master Bedroom. I was aspirating but still breathing apparently. I had printed out a DNR order and left it near my body, but was told it doesn't apply as I never stopped breathing.

I woke up around 3:00PM on Wedneday afternoon at the hospital, they had to sedate me because I kept trying to rip the things off my arm. The paramedics got to the hotel around 6:45AM Wednesday morning.

I've since been released from hospital, gone through opiate WD's (I started using when I started planing suicide) and am still in the exact frame of mind, still want to CTB etc etc.

This failed attempt has left me feeling pretty shitty, I was comfortable going this way, but litterally took thousands of dollars worth of drugs and still didn't die. I had a half ass attempt at suspension hanging myself last weekend, but couldn't go through with it.

I live in Australia and SN is fairly heavily regulated so it isn't really an option for me at this stage.

Planning on CTB in the near year, still with opiates - Most likely a large dose of Heroin (I've never used IV drugs before)

A lot of threads on here warned strongly against OD'ing as a method of CTB. I did read all those threads but was 99.9% certain the amount I was taking would result in my death. The Nurses/Doctors that were taking care of my during my week at the hospital all said it was a miracle I am still here, and that I "Must be here for a reason". All of their kind words mean nothing to me though, all I have thought about since getting home is how I'm going to leave.

 

[TydalWave]

Fuck. I am so sorry you had to go through that.

I relate to the opiate withdrawal and the depression you are likely feeling right now. I planned to use opiates with SN to make it easier. Bad idea, took a little too much last night to cope with the holidays and today is a dark and dismal place.

I can't imagine what it must have felt like waking up to the perimedics and being put into a hospital bed after saying your goodbyes to the world. I cant imagine how bad the withdrawal must be from such a high dose and I can only say I genuinely hope your okay and feel a little better every day. Reach out if you need someone to talk to.

 

[Outandproud]

Holy shit that was hardcore you may be indestructible

 

[tinkatonshammer]

holy shit i am so surprised you survived taking what you did. life is a bitch, hope you find peace soon

 

[bennydiazapine]

Thanks for the replys, I was certain that amount would do the job. When I was researching, I'm sure I read something that had a euthanasia dose of;
-1200mg Oxycodone
-300mg Diazepam

I'm assuming the oxycodone they give in EU would be IV, and therefor have more bio-availability

 

[byebyered]

I'm so sorry you went through that OP. It's crazy that you took all of that just to wake up the next day :/ wtf. I hope you find a peaceful guaranteed way to ctb <3

 

[BaronVon]

You would need to add in some "cardiac switch " drugs to be successful and increase your dosage of opiates

 

[deathissosad]

Fuck. I am so sorry you had to go through that.

I relate to the opiate withdrawal and the depression you are likely feeling right now. I planned to use opiates with SN to make it easier. Bad idea, took a little too much last night to cope with the holidays and today is a dark and dismal place.

I can't imagine what it must have felt like waking up to the perimedics and being put into a hospital bed after saying your goodbyes to the world. I cant imagine how bad the withdrawal must be from such a high dose and I can only say I genuinely hope your okay and feel a little better every day. Reach out if you need someone to talk to.

What opiate are u planning to use w the SN?

 

[bennydiazapine]

A

You would need to add in some "cardiac switch " drugs to be successful and increase your dosage of opiates

As in BETA blockers? Thing that baffles me most is there are countless accidental OD's /w some as less then a quarter of what I took (Look up Heath Ledgers Toxicology) for example. He had a tenth of what I had, and a very similar combination.

I've ordered a gram of heroin from the deep web, hoping I can work up the courage to IV inject that, with a bunch of benzos, wasn't easy getting my hands on the barbiturates.

 

[Pluto]

Thing that baffles me most is there are countless accidental OD's

Regular opioid users rapidly build up a tolerance so that greater and greater quantities are needed for the same effect.

The reverse can happen if a heavy opioid user ceases consumption for a period of time, then goes back to the same high dosage without accounting for having lost their tolerance. This can be a cause of fatal overdoses.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like such an awful experience to have to go through, it must had been so horrific to attempt to ctb but not die. I find it terrifying how ctb methods can potentially go wrong and I hate the fact how it can certainly be so difficult to voluntarily leave this world. But I hope that you find the freedom that you wish for.

 

[BaronVon]

A

As in BETA blockers? Thing that baffles me most is there are countless accidental OD's /w some as less then a quarter of what I took (Look up Heath Ledgers Toxicology) for example. He had a tenth of what I had, and a very similar combination.

I've ordered a gram of heroin from the deep web, hoping I can work up the courage to IV inject that, with a bunch of benzos, wasn't easy getting my hands on the barbiturates.

You can use the search function for DDMA , DDMAph etc for more information

 

[TydalWave]

What opiate are u planning to use w the SN?

A small/modest amount of O-DSMT

 

[bennydiazapine]

You can use the search function for DDMA , DDMAph etc for more information

Okay thankyou - I'll look into this, before I try again.

 

[Anzhe]

Hi there,

Joined in early Dec and have been reading a lot of the threads, thought I would share my (Unsuccessful) attempt.
On DEC 6th I checked into a hotel with my supplies all ready, I went back home spent some time with my parents and told them I was going out for the night and would be back in the morning - I left a note on my bed with the spare key and the hotel number knowing they would find it in the morning when they opened the door to let my dog out.

Around 8:00pm I began preparing all my opiates/benzos for consumption, I had prepared myself 2 days before with a similar Anti-Anemic schedule that is recommended for the SN, I thought this would be required as I would have well over 200+ tablets sitting in my belly.

I took;

1180mg of oxycodone
-5x boxes of Endone (5mg, 20 per box)
-4x Oxy 80's (Snorted)
-9x Oxy 40's (Crushed and taken Orally)

500mg Codeine (Whole bottle of syrup)

50mg Xanax
300mg Vallium

Whole box of Promethazine Tablets (x50)
Whole Box of Doxyalamine Tablets (x25)

1000mg Barbiturates (Phenobarbital 250mg x4)

Last thing I remember is snorting a line of Oxy and walking to the loungeroom of the hotel room I was staying in.

When the paramedics found me they said I was kneeling hunched over on the floor at the foot of the Bed in the master Bedroom. I was aspirating but still breathing apparently. I had printed out a DNR order and left it near my body, but was told it doesn't apply as I never stopped breathing.

I woke up around 3:00PM on Wedneday afternoon at the hospital, they had to sedate me because I kept trying to rip the things off my arm. The paramedics got to the hotel around 6:45AM Wednesday morning.

I've since been released from hospital, gone through opiate WD's (I started using when I started planing suicide) and am still in the exact frame of mind, still want to CTB etc etc.

This failed attempt has left me feeling pretty shitty, I was comfortable going this way, but litterally took thousands of dollars worth of drugs and still didn't die. I had a half ass attempt at suspension hanging myself last weekend, but couldn't go through with it.

I live in Australia and SN is fairly heavily regulated so it isn't really an option for me at this stage.

Planning on CTB in the near year, still with opiates - Most likely a large dose of Heroin (I've never used IV drugs before)

A lot of threads on here warned strongly against OD'ing as a method of CTB. I did read all those threads but was 99.9% certain the amount I was taking would result in my death. The Nurses/Doctors that were taking care of my during my week at the hospital all said it was a miracle I am still here, and that I "Must be here for a reason". All of their kind words mean nothing to me though, all I have thought about since getting home is how I'm going to leave.

Perhaps this happened because of resistance and because doctors found you. Next time it is better to rent an apartment for a month - even if you fall into a coma, the doctors will not find you at the wrong time and you will die anyway. I am so terrified to read this - I wanted to do about the same thing and I'm afraid of another unsuccessful attempt. Moreover, it is the most expensive method.

Regular opioid users rapidly build up a tolerance so that greater and greater quantities are needed for the same effect.

The reverse can happen if a heavy opioid user ceases consumption for a period of time, then goes back to the same high dosage without accounting for having lost their tolerance. This can be a cause of fatal overdoses.

Yes, drug resistance develops very quickly - I started with 1 tablet of clenbuterol and after a month I reached 13 or 15 tablets in 1 dose! I have lost 14 kg during this time. I was perfectly beutiful and muscular in this time.

 

[Shadowlord900]

I dunno how potent/useful the other drugs are in trying to achieve fatal OD, but I definitely do think you didn't take near enough Phenobarbital than you should of.

You essentially took 1g of Pheno. It's possible to CTB on Pheno alone (might need an antiemetic to prevent vomiting if taken orally), the most I've ever heard someone surviving a Pheno OD is 16g (can't remember if taken orally or not), so 17g should do the trick. The only problem with relying on Pheno alone is while you should fall unconscious shortly after ingesting, it'll take up to 3 days for Pheno to kill you.

The DDMAPh 5-Drug Mix mentioned in the PPeH requires only 5g of Pheno, but also requires 15g of Morphine which can get insanely expensive, plus a couple of the drugs used in the Drug Mix I have not been able to find on the dark net, so I dunno how easy they would be to get a hold of for the DDMAPh 5-Drug Mix.

When I compare your list of drugs to the list of drugs used in the DDMAPh 5-Drug Mix (Digoxin, Diazepam, Morphine, Amitriptyline and Phenobarbital), it looks like some of the drugs you were using just weren't potent enough, and/or you were trying to mix too many drugs that don't really help in achieving CTB easier. I think the less volume you can use to achieve fatal OD (especially if it's orally) will make it easier to achieve fatal OD because your body will absorb a lower volume quicker.

 

[stilhavinightmares]

Holy fuck. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Did you print a DNR from like your health system's website or?? I want to have one for my attempt but idk how legitimate the paperwork has to be. Also, don't you fucking hate the "you must be alive for a reason"???

 

[bennydiazapine]

Perhaps this happened because of resistance and because doctors found you. Next time it is better to rent an apartment for a month - even if you fall into a coma, the doctors will not find you at the wrong time and you will die anyway. I am so terrified to read this - I wanted to do about the same thing and I'm afraid of another unsuccessful attempt. Moreover, it is the most expensive method.

Yes, drug resistance develops very quickly - I started with 1 tablet of clenbuterol and after a month I reached 13 or 15 tablets in 1 dose! I have lost 14 kg during this time. I was perfectly beutiful and muscular in this time.

Yes, partially true. If I had of rented the hotel for another day I could have had enough time to pass. EDIT: Which leaves me to question, would it actually have been enough time. If I didn't stop breathing in 9 hours after I took the dose, I wonder If I would have stopped at all, or would have slowly recovered by myself. The nurses kept stressing that I needed to keep the oxygen thingy in my nose as I still wasn't breathing properly for a couple of days.

I basically left a note on my bed with the spare hotel key knowing that my parents would find it in the morning when my dog wanted to be let out of my room. Took the dose at 9:00PM was found 6:30AM the next day. I was blue but still breathing apparently which is why the DNR order I printed out was ignored.

I dunno how potent/useful the other drugs are in trying to achieve fatal OD, but I definitely do think you didn't take near enough Phenobarbital than you should of.

You essentially took 1g of Pheno. It's possible to CTB on Pheno alone (might need an antiemetic to prevent vomiting if taken orally), the most I've ever heard someone surviving a Pheno OD is 16g (can't remember if taken orally or not), so 17g should do the trick. The only problem with relying on Pheno alone is while you should fall unconscious shortly after ingesting, it'll take up to 3 days for Pheno to kill you.

The DDMAPh 5-Drug Mix mentioned in the PPeH requires only 5g of Pheno, but also requires 15g of Morphine which can get insanely expensive, plus a couple of the drugs used in the Drug Mix I have not been able to find on the dark net, so I dunno how easy they would be to get a hold of for the DDMAPh 5-Drug Mix.

When I compare your list of drugs to the list of drugs used in the DDMAPh 5-Drug Mix (Digoxin, Diazepam, Morphine, Amitriptyline and Phenobarbital), it looks like some of the drugs you were using just weren't potent enough, and/or you were trying to mix too many drugs that don't really help in achieving CTB easier. I think the less volume you can use to achieve fatal OD (especially if it's orally) will make it easier to achieve fatal OD because your body will absorb a lower volume quicker.

The Phenobarbital was an extra a Vendor decided to chuck in with my opiate order, he sent me 5x as I am a very good customer lol. I tried one a week before the attempt and was blown away by how strong it was.

I always wonder when they quote these amounts, are they using it IV or orally - the bioavailablity of it snorted/orally compared to IV is insane, more then twice as strong when IV'd. Agree with you there, 15g of morphine is a lot of money. In my country 1x 100mg Morphine sulfate tablet sells for over $150.

Holy fuck. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Did you print a DNR from like your health system's website or?? I want to have one for my attempt but idk how legitimate the paperwork has to be. Also, don't you fucking hate the "you must be alive for a reason"???

I found it online, had to edit it quite a bit as all the legitimate DNR forms require doctors witness and signature.

I obvisouly didn't have this so the form I used was very short. If you can't find one let me know and I can see if I can dig it out and send you the template.

 

[Anzhe]

It is also important to pay attention to drug interactions - some may increase or decrease blood levels of the active substance. If a person has asthma and using medications such as clenbuterol, this stimulates breathing and this can be a cause of failure.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

I thought I read something about having gabapentin in the systems of many people who die by opioid ingestion and that it may potentiate some effects.

You may want to try and research that - I get articles to advise medical teams, but I delete them if they don't apply to my field of interest.

 

[bennydiazapine]

I thought I read something about having gabapentin in the systems of many people who die by opioid ingestion and that it may potentiate some effects.

You may want to try and research that - I get articles to advise medical teams, but I delete them if they don't apply to my field of interest.

Did a bit of research, apparently its a strong potentiates it. Would love to get my hands on it, seems like its anti seizure mediciton - so I don't know how I would go about that.

Notes from the Field: Trends in Gabapentin...

This report describes trends in gabapentin involvement in drug overdose deaths.

www.cdc.gov

 

[UNIQUESTLINE]

Did a bit of research, apparently its a strong potentiates it. Would love to get my hands on it, seems like its anti seizure mediciton - so I don't know how I would go about that.

Notes from the Field: Trends in Gabapentin...

This report describes trends in gabapentin involvement in drug overdose deaths.

www.cdc.gov

It's also prescribed for (nerve) pain (my friend with fibromylagia has it), for withdrawal symptom treatment, and can even be prescribed for anxiety/sleep. It definitely potentiates the feeling of euphoria induced by opioids, and I'm curious as to what degree it may increase their lethality.

 

[just_so_done]

would pregablin be similar to gabapentin in this situation?

 

[GasMonkey]

would pregablin be similar to gabapentin in this situation?

@bennydiazapine CTB'd on April 14th so he's not gonna be able to answer you. :-P

 

[ayololly]

Hi there,

Joined in early Dec and have been reading a lot of the threads, thought I would share my (Unsuccessful) attempt.
On DEC 6th I checked into a hotel with my supplies all ready, I went back home spent some time with my parents and told them I was going out for the night and would be back in the morning - I left a note on my bed with the spare key and the hotel number knowing they would find it in the morning when they opened the door to let my dog out.

Around 8:00pm I began preparing all my opiates/benzos for consumption, I had prepared myself 2 days before with a similar Anti-Anemic schedule that is recommended for the SN, I thought this would be required as I would have well over 200+ tablets sitting in my belly.

I took;

1180mg of oxycodone
-5x boxes of Endone (5mg, 20 per box)
-4x Oxy 80's (Snorted)
-9x Oxy 40's (Crushed and taken Orally)

500mg Codeine (Whole bottle of syrup)

50mg Xanax
300mg Vallium

Whole box of Promethazine Tablets (x50)
Whole Box of Doxyalamine Tablets (x25)

1000mg Barbiturates (Phenobarbital 250mg x4)

Last thing I remember is snorting a line of Oxy and walking to the loungeroom of the hotel room I was staying in.

When the paramedics found me they said I was kneeling hunched over on the floor at the foot of the Bed in the master Bedroom. I was aspirating but still breathing apparently. I had printed out a DNR order and left it near my body, but was told it doesn't apply as I never stopped breathing.

I woke up around 3:00PM on Wedneday afternoon at the hospital, they had to sedate me because I kept trying to rip the things off my arm. The paramedics got to the hotel around 6:45AM Wednesday morning.

I've since been released from hospital, gone through opiate WD's (I started using when I started planing suicide) and am still in the exact frame of mind, still want to CTB etc etc.

This failed attempt has left me feeling pretty shitty, I was comfortable going this way, but litterally took thousands of dollars worth of drugs and still didn't die. I had a half ass attempt at suspension hanging myself last weekend, but couldn't go through with it.

I live in Australia and SN is fairly heavily regulated so it isn't really an option for me at this stage.

Planning on CTB in the near year, still with opiates - Most likely a large dose of Heroin (I've never used IV drugs before)

A lot of threads on here warned strongly against OD'ing as a method of CTB. I did read all those threads but was 99.9% certain the amount I was taking would result in my death. The Nurses/Doctors that were taking care of my during my week at the hospital all said it was a miracle I am still here, and that I "Must be here for a reason". All of their kind words mean nothing to me though, all I have thought about since getting home is how I'm going to leave.

So sorry.
I'm in Aus too, such an overrated mental health system.

 

[just_so_done]

@bennydiazapine CTB'd on April 14th so he's not gonna be able to answer you. :-P

Thanks for letting me know, I would have been waiting for an answer for a really long time! I hope he's no longer struggling and found his peace

 

[failed life]

So sorry.
I'm in Aus too, such an overrated mental health system.

Same. Aus has an overrated health system full stop. Did manage to get some SN though - very surprised it came with no dramas at all. Just waiting for me :)