Anxieyote
Sobriety over everything else • 31 • Midwest
- Mar 24, 2021
- 444
I had been talking to someone I met on Discord for several months. I confided in them that I was in a really vulnerable state and I didn't have anyone to talk to, and they offered to be my friend.
We talked every single day for hours. This went on for months. They told me about their life, and I told them about mine. We learned each other's real names, exchanged phone numbers, and at one point, we both felt comfortable enough to share stuff like our home addresses. I mention that because that's something that most people (including myself) would never consider doing in an online space, but we felt so comfortable with each other that it didn't feel wrong. I considered him to be someone I could trust with almost anything.
We would watch movies together, and buy each other gifts. It felt like the start of something I'd never really had before in my life—a friend who was genuinely interested in me and was reciprocating my interest in them. I really started to latch onto them.
I was aware that he had a group of irl friends that he hung out with, and a family that he was close to. It was definitely a situation where I needed him more than he needed me, but I assumed that he liked me enough that I didn't need to worry about pursuing other friendships. He would be my main focus.
I fantasized about dating and traveling to meeting him irl, even though he told me he wasn't romantically interested. "He makes an effort to reach out to me every single day, so he must care about me." I thought.
I was talking to him last night, and out of the blue, he says "I can't keep doing this shit."
I ask him to explain, and he says, "I really like your attention. You're the only person I know who will just drop everything and talk to me whenever I want."
It turns out he was just using me. He took advantage of the fact that he was my only friend, and he liked that I was devoting so much of my time and attention to him. When he was bored, he could basically just snap his fingers, and I'd come running. It begs the question whether he even liked me to begin with.
To say this is devastating is an understatement. It makes me question every single friendship I've ever had. So someone can just talk to you for hours and days and weeks—and not actually give a fuck about you?
I'm scared to establish any kind of online friendship or relationship after this. I don't want to risk encountering a person like that again; who is really good at pretending to care about someone in order to keep them coming back. I also realize now that I'm exceptionally vulnerable to a person who would want to manipulate me.
We talked every single day for hours. This went on for months. They told me about their life, and I told them about mine. We learned each other's real names, exchanged phone numbers, and at one point, we both felt comfortable enough to share stuff like our home addresses. I mention that because that's something that most people (including myself) would never consider doing in an online space, but we felt so comfortable with each other that it didn't feel wrong. I considered him to be someone I could trust with almost anything.
We would watch movies together, and buy each other gifts. It felt like the start of something I'd never really had before in my life—a friend who was genuinely interested in me and was reciprocating my interest in them. I really started to latch onto them.
I was aware that he had a group of irl friends that he hung out with, and a family that he was close to. It was definitely a situation where I needed him more than he needed me, but I assumed that he liked me enough that I didn't need to worry about pursuing other friendships. He would be my main focus.
I fantasized about dating and traveling to meeting him irl, even though he told me he wasn't romantically interested. "He makes an effort to reach out to me every single day, so he must care about me." I thought.
I was talking to him last night, and out of the blue, he says "I can't keep doing this shit."
I ask him to explain, and he says, "I really like your attention. You're the only person I know who will just drop everything and talk to me whenever I want."
It turns out he was just using me. He took advantage of the fact that he was my only friend, and he liked that I was devoting so much of my time and attention to him. When he was bored, he could basically just snap his fingers, and I'd come running. It begs the question whether he even liked me to begin with.
To say this is devastating is an understatement. It makes me question every single friendship I've ever had. So someone can just talk to you for hours and days and weeks—and not actually give a fuck about you?
I'm scared to establish any kind of online friendship or relationship after this. I don't want to risk encountering a person like that again; who is really good at pretending to care about someone in order to keep them coming back. I also realize now that I'm exceptionally vulnerable to a person who would want to manipulate me.
